Aita for telling my daughter if she goes back to her ex I will not support her?

Family can sometimes be our greatest source of support—and our biggest source of conflict. In this update, a father recounts a painful conversation with his 26-year-old daughter, who, after a harrowing divorce from an abusive ex, now wants to give him another chance.

Fearing that she will repeat the same mistakes and hurt herself (and her mother) further, he told her that if she goes back to her ex, he will no longer support her. This firm stance has left both his wife and daughter reeling, sparking a deep family rift and raising the question: Was he wrong to set such a boundary?

‘Aita for telling my daughter if she goes back to her ex I will not support her?’

When family members confront decisions that could lead to repeated harm, setting boundaries can be both necessary and emotionally charged. Dr. Laura Markham, a psychologist specializing in family dynamics, explains, “It’s not uncommon for a parent to feel compelled to draw a line when they see a loved one repeatedly exposing themselves to harm. In cases of past abuse, the natural instinct is to protect, sometimes by imposing tough limits.”

In this situation, the father has witnessed firsthand the devastating effects of his daughter’s abusive marriage—financial, emotional, and sometimes physical. His decision to withhold support if she reconnects with her ex is rooted in a desire to protect her from returning to a harmful environment.

However, Dr. Markham also notes that such boundaries, while protective, must be communicated with compassion. “A balance must be struck between safeguarding someone’s well-being and allowing them the autonomy to make their own choices. It’s crucial for parents to express their concerns without making the individual feel completely isolated or rejected.”

The father’s approach, though harsh to some, reflects his deep worry for his daughter’s future and his own emotional exhaustion from supporting her through a long period of recovery. Still, the resulting fallout—his wife’s anger and his daughter’s withdrawal—suggests that while the boundary might have been necessary, the delivery could benefit from further dialogue and empathy to help mend the family bonds.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Many redditors sympathize with the father, arguing that after all the abuse and hardship, his protective instinct is understandable. They point out that sometimes tough love is the only way to prevent further harm. On the other hand, some feel that his ultimatum might have been too blunt, leaving his daughter feeling abandoned during a vulnerable time. The discussion reflects a tension between the need for parental protection and the importance of offering unconditional support, even when we disagree with our loved ones’ decisions.

In conclusion, this update forces us to examine the difficult balance between protecting our loved ones and respecting their autonomy. The father’s decision to withdraw support if his daughter returns to her ex was made out of genuine concern, yet it has also deepened the emotional divide within his family.

Was his approach justified, or should he have found a more compassionate way to express his boundaries? What strategies might help maintain support while still safeguarding against repeated harm? Share your thoughts, experiences, and advice below to help us navigate these challenging family dynamics.