AITA for telling my dad I don’t live at my childhood home anymore?

A college student (19F) visiting home on weekends shared her frustration when her dad repeatedly asked her to clean up after the family. She expressed that she doesn’t live at home full-time anymore and wanted to relax after arriving.

Her dad took it poorly, saying they didn’t want her around if she felt that way. While the daughter clarified she wasn’t refusing to help but wanted to manage it on her terms, she wonders if she hurt his feelings unintentionally. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for telling my dad I don’t live at my childhood home anymore?’

I 19(F) went to college 8 months ago and I usually go home on the weekends. When I do I will relax and hang out with my sisters and work on some school assignments. Occasionally I will clean up messes around the house from my siblings (clothes, dishes) and parents.

My parents sometimes ask me to help out around the house which I do but sometimes they consistently ask me to. I prefer cleaning up when I’m not asked so I will do it if my parents want me to, but I prefer doing it on my own.

My dad asked me to clean up the dishes piling up from my parents and siblings and this specific time I had just gotten back and wanted to relax a little bit. I got angry and said it wasn’t my mess and that I had just gotten back from college.

I explained that I can help out but I don’t want to be excessively doing it on the weekend when I’m trying to relax a little. I said I don’t live there anymore and that it isn’t all up to me to clean. My dad got mad because he didn’t like that I had said that. He said that they don’t want me around anyway and walked off.

I’m not saying I wouldn’t/don’t help, I just did not feel like doing it at the moment. The reason I said I don’t live there is because I am only there 2 days of the week and don’t spend much time there anymore and I consider my college dorm my home now. I hurt didn’t mean to hurt his feelings.. AITA?

See what others had to share with OP:

MagicalGazelle123go −  I just want to know why it matters who’s paying for college? I have a kid and I would never expect him to come home on weekends from college and do the dishes that are piled up from while he wasn’t there.

Memez_R_Life69 −  NTA He’s making a big deal over some dishes? Like, he can do them himself if he wants them done so badly. I feel like he just sees you as a maid that comes around on weekends to deal with crap he doesn’t want to do. The dishes could’ve waited another hour or two.

RulerOfNyaNyaLand −  NTA. But have you ever had a conversation about this? What if you asked, “Isn’t anyone else cleaning up after themselves? Shouldn’t my siblings know how to wash their own dishes and clothes by now too?” You could also try, “I just walked in the door.

I need to unwind a little before I have to shift into cleaning mode.” But you should discuss chores and expectations with your parents once your dad cools off. It’s reasonable to bring up your siblings’ responsibilities for cleaning too. I think it’s weird if they wanted you to wash dishes from a meal you didn’t even get to eat.

Repulsive_Plate_3012 −  NTA.. These people are f**king weird. I don’t care what anyone’s paying for, I’m not cleaning a grown adults mess while they use their job as my parent to try to manipulate me.

They had kids and they decided at that moment to take care of someone the rest of their life. Making sure you get your education is not a gift, it’s their responsibility. Being dirty and expecting you to come home and clean up after them on your breaks is just embarrassing.

anonstories12 −  Nta. Y’all are making it seem like OP said she NEVER wants to help! She literally said she had just got home and was asked to clean a mess she didn’t make. She shouldn’t have to clean if she didn’t contribute to the mess. And why is no one talking about how childish and mean hearted her dads response was? Very uncalled for.

NewtoFL2 −  Sorry. Some parents expect girls to do all the housework. ARe the other kids old enough to pick up after themselves and help out?

disregardable −  His feelings weren’t hurt. He was angry that you disobeyed him.

the_orig_princess −  Stop going home so much. Live your life in college, make friends, *study there*. You’re not TA but you’re inviting this by treating your dorm like it’s not your home.

[Reddit User] −  ESH. Unless you are paying for your college and don’t plan to go home between semesters… you misplayed this. Yeah, rude to be put to work as soon as you walk in, cleaning someone else’s mess. AH on your dad.

But if your flexing like a fully self sufficient adult, and your not, you‘re poking the bear. Now all this is moot, if you’re paying your way, then don’t go home. Build that distinction and visit on occasion.

SnuSnu02 −  NTA. My family used to do this to me: leave dishes for days because they knew I was coming home and would wash them. I just stopped coming home as much and when I did, I would just wash whatever dishes I ate out of.

Was it reasonable for her to set boundaries, or should she have handled it differently? Share your thoughts below!