AITA for telling my dad he’s a better stepdad than dad and I won’t stick around to watch if it keeps happening?

A Reddit user shared an emotional story about feeling overlooked by her father, who seems to prioritize his stepchildren over her. After years of trying to build a bond with him, she confronted him, expressing her hurt and frustration. Her candid words sparked tension, leaving her questioning if she was too harsh. Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for telling my dad he’s a better stepdad than dad and I won’t stick around to watch if it keeps happening?’

My (16f) dad isn’t like the worst dad ever or anything. He works to provide for me. He wishes me a happy birthday every year and says he loves me sometimes. He buys me gifts for Christmas and my birthday. And he takes me to the doctor if I need to go (or used to). But he never spent any time with me.

When mom was alive he just never needed to in his mind, I guess, since I had mom. After she died he wasn’t there to comfort me or anything. That was left to a few different family members on both sides of my family. But when he got married again he made a bigger effort with his stepkids (13f, 10m).

He’s been married for over 4 years now and he takes his stepkids out 1:1. He goes camping with them, takes them for pizza and ice cream after school on Fridays, he takes them to football games or local plays. And he still doesn’t do the same with me. I have never spent quality time with my dad.

But for over four years, more like over five when you count the time he was dating his wife, I’ve been forced to watch him do better for her kids. His wife has tried to take over as the “parent” for me but I don’t want her and while I’m civil, I haven’t worked on us being close (because I don’t want to be) and I haven’t started going to her.

Instead I’ve tried to get him to be a better dad to me and failed. His wife has asked me why I don’t let her be the mom I need and I told her that I don’t want her or a new mom. That I want my dad to be the parent I need instead of being that to her kids who aren’t even his.

My dad’s stepdaughter wants me to be her big sister. But my focus has been on dad and I haven’t worked on building a relationship with either of his stepkids. I’m nice. I don’t ignore them if they talk to me. But none of these relationships are going to happen if my dad decides he’s never going to step up for me.

We had a talk a few days ago. His stepdaughter had been really disappointed I wouldn’t go to a concert with her and dad wanted to talk to me about it and I finally opened up to him and told him everything I feel and how I see it.

I even pointed out how it was the most he had said to me, maybe ever, and it was to tell me his family were hurting that I didn’t accept them. I asked him when did he take me for pizza and ice cream or to watch something or camping or anything. He started to say it was different and I told him not really.

I said they have their mom just like I had mine for eight years. But he still saw a need to be there for them and not me. I told him it hurt and I told him his wife isn’t making up for that if he won’t even try to be a good dad.

He told me to see why he needed to bond with his stepkids and make them his and not just stepkids. I told him a bond wasn’t automatic just because he was always present in some way in my life. I said he never cared about our connection.

I told him to face facts that he’s a better stepdad than he is a dad and I told him if that’s how things will stay, fine, I guess, but I’m then just going to keep my distance and leave as soon as I can. Because I’m not going to stick around and watch it if that’s how things will be.

I said I’ll become estranged and lean on the family, the real family, who care about me. He didn’t say anything else and he walked away but the next day he told me it was unfair to claim he’s a better stepdad and how I judged him too harshly. His wife said I’m behaving spitefully by refusing to join her and her kids as a family because of dad’s actions.. AITA?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Idontlikesoup1 −  I think you telling him (and how you told him) were the right thing to do. Now it is up to him, though his initial reaction the next day clearly is about g**lighting you.

He wants to please his new wife by cajoling the step-kids. He either takes you for granted or doesn’t care very much about you (his response in the next few days will tell you which of the two is true).

WinterFront1431 −  If your mom’s parents are still alive, ask to move with them. You are 100% right. He cares more about being liked by these kids than being there for his own flesh and blood. Tell step mom to keep her opinion to herself. But if you have an aunt or grandparents, go stay with them until you are 18 and can leave.

Responsible_Storm448 −  The fact that he walked away just means that he does not care you are better off honestly without him you are NTA and that sucks.

flippysquid −   His wife said I’m behaving spitefully by refusing to join her and her kids as a family because of dad’s actions. Does this mean she’s actually acknowledged to you that your dad is being a s**tty father? Maybe you should ask her why she would knowingly marry someone who neglects their own daughter to this extent.

And left them with no one to console them through their mother’s d**th. Ask her why she doesn’t ever call him out on him neglecting and ignoring you, because a *real* mom wouldn’t put up with one of their kids being treated that way.

Comfortable-Bug1737 −  He’ll wonder what he did wrong when he isn’t the one to walk you down the aisle.

Mother_Search3350 −  You told him the truth.. His wife needs to wind her neck in and mind her business. Your relationship with your father is just that. Between yourself and your father. That he picked her and her children for himself does not mean you picked her too.

He gave you no choice as a minor.  She needs to stay in her lane. As painful as it is to accept, you are an orphan. You are the foster kid in that house that your father is waiting to age out.. NTAH 

PoshWetPixie −  NTA at all. It’s gotta be rough seeing your dad put in the effort with his stepkids and not with you, especially after losing your mom. You’re not asking for too much, just the basic dad stuff. He should make the time for you like he does for them. It’s about fairness and feeling valued.

TemptingSaucySiren −  NTA. It’s pretty clear you’re feeling neglected, and that’s totally valid. You’re not asking for anything unreasonable—just some equal dad time. It sounds like you’re doing your best to express your needs in a tough situation. Keep advocating for yourself, and hopefully, he’ll start to see things from your perspective.

Awkward-Tourist979 −  I can’t believe he would take your step siblings out but leave you at home!! You weren’t harsh enough. He’s a s**tty father. While he has adhered to his minimum legal obligations in respect to you –

he has failed to form any sort of emotional connection or even make even the vaguest attempt at spending any sort of time. Ask him how you telling him the truth is “unfair”?  Tell him it’s unfair he is too lazy to even spend any time with you.

I’m a spiteful b**ch and I would point blank ask him if there is anything going on between him and his step daughter because his constant need to spend time with her is suspicious in circumstances wherein he can’t even be bothered having a conversation with his own child.

But that’s just me. I always take things too far. **Ask him what happens on those camping trips and watch his reaction.  Because it’s highly suspicious you’re always excluded.**

wlfwrtr −  NTA Everytime anyone mentions you not bonding with anyone say, “Who am I supposed to bond with? They each have a sibling, I don’t. They each have a mom, I don’t. My mom died. They each have a dad, I don’t. He died when he chose other kids over his own. I am an orphan living in a foster family.”

Was the Redditor justified in speaking up about her feelings and expressing a desire for her father to step up, or should she have approached the situation differently? How would you handle being caught between blended family dynamics and unfulfilled parental bonds? Share your thoughts and experiences below!