AITA for telling my dad and stepmother I’ll be in my sister’s man of honor no matter what they say?
A Redditor shares a family conflict over his role in his sister’s wedding. His sister asked him to be her “man of honor,” but their father and stepmother are upset that she didn’t include their step and half-siblings in the wedding party. After the wedding date was pushed to avoid conflicts, the father insists that including all siblings is the only fair choice, while the Redditor stands firm in supporting his sister. Read the full story below.
‘ AITA for telling my dad and stepmother I’ll be in my sister’s man of honor no matter what they say?’
My sister (22f) was supposed to be getting married this year but she pushed the wedding back another year because my dad and stepmother refused to let me (17m) be her man of honor when she didn’t ask our step or half siblings to be bridesmaids or groomsmen too.
My dad confronted my sister about asking me several months ago and told her it wasn’t right. He told her she HAD to include all of us or none of us would attend the wedding and he would stop me going too. She told him she was not going to give into him.
He said she shouldn’t prioritize me over siblings that are younger or just not biologically related to us. She said they (him, his wife and the other kids) were only invited so she could have me there and since he was imposing such an awful rule she was just going to move the date, I’d be 18 and able to choose so she didn’t need to invite the rest of them.
The new date is next year and I will be 18 and I’ll already be moved out. My dad and stepmother are pissed she actually went ahead with her plan and that I still plan to be her man of honor. They told me I cannot and should not do this. That I am putting my other siblings feelings at risk and making them feel rejected by two of us.
They said my sister was making me choose between her and the rest of my family and I should not choose her for that reason. I told them I would always choose her and they were not going to make me say no.
This argument continued and I ignored it for about two months but the other night they told me to sit and talk to them and they said my other siblings had noticed what was going on and I should feel bad about that. I told them I didn’t.
They told me I have five other siblings and shouldn’t hurt a relationship with them a relationship with one. I told them I didn’t care what they say, I’ll be her man of honor and they won’t stop me. So they need to just let it go because they are making the countdown to my 18th birthday a bigger deal.
They said I’m being hurtful and I’ll regret my decision to burn all these bridges in 10 or 20 years. My dad told me I might think mom would be proud of me for standing by my sister but he believes she’d be disgusted at the two of us for not making room for the growing our family did after she died.. AITA?
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
Peony-Pony − NTA. They said I’m being hurtful and I’ll regret my decision to burn all these bridges in 10 or 20 years. My dad told me I might think mom would be proud of me for standing by my sister but he believes she’d be disgusted at the two of us for not making room for the growing our family did after she died.
Okay, sure Dad. It’s 2024, people, regardless of gender, stand up for their friends and relatives at weddings your father and his wife’s views on the matter are beyond outdated. If they want to skip the wedding because your sister didn’t relent and include his wife’s children in the wedding party, well, quite frankly, it’s one less headache for your sister to deal with in the lead up to the wedding and the wedding itself.
My dad confronted my sister about asking me several months ago and told her it wasn’t right. He told her she HAD to include all of us or none of us would attend the wedding and he would stop me going too. She told him she was not going to give into him.
He said she shouldn’t prioritize me over siblings that are younger or just not biologically related to us. She said they (him, his wife and the other kids) were only invited so she could have me there and since he was imposing such an awful rule she was just going to move the date, I’d be 18 and able to choose so she didn’t need to invite the rest of them.. I like your sister.
puntacana24 − They said I’m being hurtful and I’ll regret my decision to burn all these bridges in 10 or 20 years. This seems like the complete opposite of reality to me. What bridge are you burning? Your dad is not going to his own daughter’s wedding because she didn’t include his second family in the bridal party.
How is that any of his business? How childish! Does he not realize the absurdity of boycotting his own daughter’s wedding because he’s such a “family man”? I bet he’ll regret burning that bridge in 10 or 20 years when he still hasn’t met his grandkids.. NTA
fiestafan73 − I am guessing the only reason the others feel bad, if they even do, is because dad and stepmonster told them a stilted version of the story to make them feel bad. The only person burning bridges is them trying to enforce a blended family instead of doing the work to make one happen. NTA. I hope your sister’s wedding is beautiful and drama free.
RumSoakedChap − NTA. Your dad needs to be really careful here. This is heading for both of you to be NC as soon as you turn 18. He and your step mom need to climb off their high horses in a hurry or he’ll be the one regretting it in 20 years.
Travelchick8 − Your dad and stepmom are doing nothing but creating e**itled children. We all don’t get what we want and not everyone needs to be included. That’s the lesson they should be teaching the younger kids. I’m #5 of 6 siblings. I was not in the wedding of 2 of my oldest siblings because I was too young. And I survived.
LosAngel1935 − NTA. It’s sounds as if there are problems between sister, dad and stepmom “Sister said they (him, his wife and the other kids) were only invited so she could have me there “. AND the dad is taking it out on you. It also sounds like your dad is fixing to lose 2 of his children.
Stand up for your sister, and I also think your dad is SO WRONG, I believe YOUR MOM would be proud of you, for standing up for you sister on one of the most important days of her life.
We don’t know the problems between sister, dad and stepmom, but regardless, this is your sisters and her soon to be husband’s wedding they get to say who will be in the wedding party not your dad.
philautos − Your father and stepmother are the ones making you choose between them and your sister. Parents need to understand that they don’t get to put their kids in a blender. The relationships that form between any two people are up to them. . NTA
Stranger0nReddit − NTA. The only one making you choose between your sister and them is your dad. This is your SISTER, of course you are going to be there regardless of who is included or not included. It’s not like you are responsible for who your sister chose for her bridal party, so it’s wrong to try to prevent you from going.
GirlDad2023_ − Once again, parents trying to force a child to accept step/half siblings as family. They’ll never learn. NTA.
Old_Cheek1076 − Man, this comes up multiple times a day on this sub: the parents who cannot accept what could be a perfectly nice, nurturing, positive blended family and instead insist on pretending that the family relationships all have to be exactly that of their fantasy of a “real” family. Stupid beyond reckoning. Anyway, OP is clearly NTA and parents are TA.
Do you think the Redditor was right to stand by his sister’s decision to make him her man of honor, even at the expense of his relationship with his father and step-siblings? Should family obligations outweigh personal choices in situations like this? Share your thoughts below!
