AITA for telling my dad and his wife I won’t take responsibility for my disabled stepsister’s care in the future?

A Reddit user shared a difficult situation where his father and stepmother asked him to take responsibility for his disabled stepsister’s care after their passing. The user, who has limited relationship with his stepsister, refused to take on the responsibility, feeling that it wasn’t fair to expect him to do so.

His dad and stepmom are upset, calling him heartless, but his mother supports his decision. Now, the user is wondering if he’s wrong for refusing. Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for telling my dad and his wife I won’t take responsibility for my disabled stepsister’s care in the future?’

My parents are divorced and I (17M) mostly live with my mom. Five years ago my dad got married to Rebecca and Rebecca and her daughter Yazmin moved in with dad. Yazmin’s 7 now and she’s severely disabled. She can’t talk or do stuff for herself. I don’t know much about her condition overall.

I never spent much time with Rebecca or her. But I learned some stuff over the last few years. I know Rebecca has a fund set aside for Yazmin’s future care and my dad has been paying into that (and he’s invested more into her future than he ever did into mine which is a sore point for me but I know she needs it more and all).

Yazmin’s dad doesn’t do anything for her so my dad took on the role of making sure she’d be cared for. But they’re worried about what happens when they die. If they died tomorrow the money is there for her care but Yazmin’s father doesn’t care what happens to her and there’s no family. This came up the other day.

Dad had asked me to spend the day with him and I did and he asked me to come to his place for dinner and I went to the house but dinner didn’t happen because they asked me to look over Yazmin and be a big brother to her when they’re gone.

To make sure she’s taken care of in the home and take care of her myself if I need to. They said she’s my sister now and we might not be blood but she’s my family and she needs me. I said no. I told them I’m not taking responsibility for her. Dad told me I need to, for him, and that he doesn’t ask for a lot.

I admit I told him he never gives me a lot. He said that’s not fair and I shouldn’t punish Yazmin for it. He told me I need to step up and be a bigger man than I’m acting. Rebecca asked me how I could be around her sweet girl and not want to protect her.

I told her I’ve hardly been around Yazmin and I don’t feel a family bond or loyalty toward her and I said they won’t b**ly me into it. I left because they only got angrier.

Dad called my mom’s phone looking for me a couple of times since and mom had to tell him to never speak to me the way he was trying to because I didn’t owe him the peace of mind of caring for his stepkid when he dies. She really stood up for me. But dad (and Rebecca) are saying I’m a heartless monster for saying no.. AITA?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

rstwt −  NTA, yay for your Mom. Tell Dad & Stepmom you will never be your step sisters caretaker and they can p**s off if they try to b**ly you any further.

Orphen_1989 −  NTA. Do you even need to ask? Your Dad and Step-Mom are horrible though. First of all they should NEVER have asked you this in the first place. And second trying to force you to say yes… Also, you’re 17, you can’t make promises like that. You’re a minor.

And even after you turn 18, you’re life is just starting. A disabled person is way too large of a responsebility to make promises about at this stage of your life.
You’re Dad and Step-Mom are selfish POS’s, they should arrange for a good institution that can take care of Yazmin after they’re gone.

ForwardPlenty −  It is too big of an ask to have your other children promise to take care of a disabled sibling. In this case not even a blood relative. You were not put on this earth to be their surrogate parent. If you wanted to that would be one thing but being expected to take over is inappropriate and just plain wrong.

To tell them no, you don’t need to Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain (JADE). You say, “No. That doesn’t work for me.” Don’t say you are sorry, don’t explain that you have your own life to live, don’t justify your position because she is not a blood relative and you have no interest in tying yourself down to providing 24×7 care to someone disabled.

All these things may be true, but you don’t have to open up a discussion about it. Don’t get upset about it, you don’t owe them your life. “That doesn’t work for me,” is all you need to say, let them ramble on and on, you just repeat that over and over like a broken record. Don’t engage, don’t JADE.

Mother_Search3350 −  No is a complete sentence. Your father CHOSE to marry a woman with a disabled child who had no plan for her child’s future care. He doesn’t get to palm her off on you and have her take over your life. 

heyclau −  NTA! It seems like your dad went about it in the worst way possible. It doesn’t seem like you two are close and trying to trick you with dinner so you would be obliged to care for your step sister? That was a big s**tty thing to do. Althought I understand their worries, they seem to be going about it the wrong way too.

It’s unlikly that they’re both not be here at the same time, but if something like that happens, they should be thinking about a facility that is equipped to deal with her needs rather than expect you to just take care of her all by yourself.

Glad your mom has your back. If your dad bring that up again, think about telling him if he doesn’t listen and respect your feelings about this situation, you might get low to no contact with him.

SerenaDreamy −  I get that they want reassurance about Yazmin’s future but it’s not fair for them to expect u to take care of her when u don’t have that bond.. you’re still young and it’s a lot to ask of someone who’s still figuring out their own life..

it’s not like you’re saying u don’t care .. u just aren’t ready to take on that role .. it’s a huge ask and it’s okay to say no.. especially if u don’t feel like you’re in a place to do it .. it’s not heartless just realistic

Sunshine-N-gumdrops −  Tell your dad he is no better than Yazmin’s dad since he obviously forgot you were his child and he only wants to care for Yazmin. Both deadbeats.

GirlStiletto −  NTA. Not at all. First of all, they LIED to you. “Come over for dinner” then they ambushed you and din;t even offer dinner. Why would you trust your Dad after what he just let REbecca do to you.

Second, she is not your sister, she is the daughter of the woman your Dad is f**king, There is no blood relation. Explain that you feel noemnity for Yazmin, and that you wish her well, but that you have no love for her either. This is Rebecca’s problem, not yours.

Lula_mlb −  NTA. Their situation is unfortunate, but it is not your responsibility. Them trying to manipulate you into it speaks volumes about the type of people they are.

I´m sorry you are in this situation OP, but don´t feel guilty about this. This is all on your dad & step-mom, they are responsible for the life they chose, not you. I´m glad you have your mom there to stand by you.

Quiet_Village_1425 −  NTA. Don’t worry about it. You’re not related so it’s not your responsibility or problem.