AITA for telling my coworker why customers might not like her?

A server on Reddit shares a workplace conflict with a coworker who brought her “southern charm” to a new region. The coworker’s frequent use of pet names like “honey” and “sweetie” and her tendency to over-chat with customers have caused complaints and lower tips. When asked for advice, the Redditor gave honest feedback, suggesting that these behaviors might not resonate with local customers, only for the coworker to take offense and avoid them.

‘ AITA for telling my coworker why customers might not like her?’

I work at a restaurant as a server. One of my coworkers moved up here from Georgia for college and started working here a few months ago. She constantly lays on the “southern charm” thing thick. She calls everyone “honey” and “sweetie” and all of that.

She also tends to chit chat with people instead of just letting them eat after bringing them their food or drinks. It’s also kind of obvious that a lot of them don’t want to really talk to her, they give one word answers and she just barrels forward and talks at them. (Management has told her off more than once for this)

About two weeks ago she was upset because a customer yelled at her and said “Don’t call me that!” when she called her “honey” and she complains that she’s not getting as many tips as the other servers. She says it’s because she has a southern accent and customers think she’s stupid, but I don’t think that’s the case.

She asked me for advice, and I said it’s because she takes so long to bring things out and wastes time trying to make small talk. I also said that the excessive pet names sound kind of condescending, and they aren’t really something you would call a stranger here.

She told me that she wasn’t going to start being rude to customers because she would make even less money. I told her it’s not being rude, it’s just how things work here, and it’s rude to other customers she’s supposed to be serving when she spends all her time trying to make small talk instead of doing her job and calling them weird things.

Now she’s mad and has been avoiding me. Maybe I could have been gentler when trying to explain why people complain about her, but I was also really stressed because it’s Christmas season and so much is going on AITA?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Waste_Worker6122 −  NTA. Bit of a culture clash going on here. You’ve tried to help her fit in better with the locals and your boss has done the same. But she isn’t listening to either of you. NTA.

MaddyKet −  If you are in the Northeast, esp NY or New England, she really needs to listen to you because yeah we hate small talk! Her tips are only going to get worse. NTA she should listen to you, who actually knows how people are around wherever you are. You’re just trying to help.

No_Ship_2787 −  I’m from the north and had to learn to be okay with the “southern hospitality” pet names when i moved south.. Up there those can be fighten words. If she doesn’t change she can expect complaints and possibly her job.. NTA.

stroppo −  NTA. Maybe next time send her to your supervisor for advice. Though I grew up used to hearing waitresses say “honey,” esp in a diner, so I don’t find it that odd (west coast).

CatOutrageous9135 −  NTA. This sounds like a realistic assessment. Making small talk is a bad idea. The person she’s talking to feels obliged to answer, even though they might not be in the mood or simply lack the time. And everyone else gets upset over the delay. As for her pet names, that’s just unprofessional,

lovepotao −  I’m from nyc and while I logically understand that a southerner might be used to calling people “sweetie” or “honey”, that won’t automatically make me like it. If I were a frequent customer I would absolutely ask her nicely not to call me that. (Ma’am is even worse- shudder). I would suggest to her to just be friendly without the pet names and small talk that goes on after the order is taken.

TemptingPenguin369 −  NTA. She needs to read the room. Maybe her style works where she’s from, but she’s got to adapt to wherever she is. She also has to understand the difference between inserting herself into the guest experience by sticking around for chitchat, and “being rude.”

I used to wait tables and while it’s great to have regulars and develop a rapport with them, you can’t do it at the expense of getting their food out quickly or inserting yourself into their conversations. I thought you were clear in explaining what you were seeing and the affect it was having on the guests.

Original_Archer5984 −  Well, she won’t be yankee “rude”, so she won’t make yankee “money”.. NTA. This is the question I ask when others request an honest opinion. “Do you want an honest opinio, OR do you want me to make you feel good?” Because those two options often live at different addresses, and i don’t wanna commute. So, you want it real or real nice, cause trying to do both is a fools errand.

Nicki-ryan −  NTA My girlfriend is from the south and I’m from the PNW, we’ve had countless discussions about how her “serving voice” would be seen as rude here whereas in her home state, it’s how everyone talks and would be the expectation. If you say “honey” or “sugar” or “sweetie pie” to a stranger here and you don’t look like a grandma, they’d look at you like you’re out of your mind or insulting them.

Meanwhile when I’m serving, I don’t like to call anyone ma’am because it’s old and weird sounding up here and instead say sir and miss (and folks since nonbinary people exist). I don’t use any pet names and I do very little small talk unless the guests interact first and seem like they want conversation. My guests prefer that. In her state people would correct me and go “it’s ma’am” because that’s what they’re used to and would find it rude if I just dropped off food, asked if it was to their liking, and abruptly left.

Indigenous_badass −  NTA. And customers don’t think she’s stupid, they know she’s stupid, and it’s not because of her accent. When I go out to eat, I don’t mind friendly wait staff but FFS, don’t linger. It’s f**king creepy. Also, I absolutely do not appreciate pet names because it frequently is condescending even if that’s not how the person intends it to sound. She clearly can’t adapt to a different culture and should probably find a different job.