AITA for telling my cousin I am not sorry about what happened to her dad’s life after he hit me?
Sometimes our family histories come with scars that never fully heal. In one throwaway post, a user shares a memory from childhood that has cast a long shadow over family events. The story begins with a seemingly ordinary day that took a harrowing turn when an abusive figure—John, once married to the user’s aunt—lost control.
Even at the tender age of eight, the user was thrust into an experience of fear and betrayal, as John not only harmed the user but also injured cousin Abby in a way that would echo through years of family gatherings. The memory is both painful and complex, mixing betrayal, survival, and the heavy burden of unspoken truths.
The incident not only led to a dramatic fallout—John’s eventual banishment and a family divided—but also set the stage for ongoing conflicts. Abby, the victim of that day, has since held a relentless grudge, turning every family reunion into a stage for her anger and blame. With each gathering, the wounds are reopened, and long-dormant resentments spill over, leaving everyone to wonder if the past will ever truly be put to rest.
‘AITA for telling my cousin I am not sorry about what happened to her dad’s life after he hit me?’
Childhood trauma, especially when inflicted by a caregiver or an adult figure, can have far‐reaching effects on a person’s emotional life. Renowned child psychiatrist Dr. Bruce Perry explains, “Traumatic events in early childhood can alter the way the brain develops, leaving lasting effects on emotional regulation and relationship building.” This insight is particularly resonant here, where a seemingly isolated episode of abuse has set in motion a cascade of family dysfunction that persists into adulthood.
In this case, the abuse experienced—though not severe in physical terms—was enough to imprint feelings of fear and betrayal on a young mind. The trauma wasn’t just about the physical act; it was about the breakdown of trust and safety within the family unit. When the user’s aunt, instead of offering protection, tried to hush the incident by bribing silence with money and ice cream, it added a bitter layer of betrayal. Such actions can contribute to a cycle in which victims feel isolated and confused about where to place their trust.
Dr. Perry’s research suggests that unresolved childhood trauma often emerges in adult relationships, manifesting as ongoing conflicts or even self-blame. In family settings, this may lead to relentless recriminations—like Abby’s persistent blame on the poster for the family’s fallout.
The cycle of abuse and its repercussions are not solely the responsibility of the perpetrator; they linger in the hearts of all involved. Family members might use these memories as a shield, rationalizing their own emotional pain by redirecting blame onto someone they feel is complicit in the past.
Moreover, such incidents illustrate the complex interplay between memory, responsibility, and forgiveness. While the poster’s retelling of the events might seem harsh, it’s born from years of carrying a painful legacy—a legacy that, for Abby, has evolved into an identity marked by anger and loss.
For healing to begin, it is critical for each family member to seek understanding through therapy and open dialogue. The cycle of blame can only be broken when all parties acknowledge the root causes of their pain and work toward a resolution that respects the truth of their shared history.
See what others had to share with OP:
The online community’s reaction to this dark family saga is overwhelmingly empathetic toward the poster. Commenters agree that the abusive behavior of John was unequivocally unacceptable and that the family’s subsequent dysfunction was a direct result of his actions. Many express that Abby’s continued, public recriminations—while perhaps understandable in the context of her pain—only serve to reopen old wounds and perpetuate the cycle of blame.
There is a general consensus that holding onto past trauma in every family gathering is unproductive, and several voices urge for professional help to heal these longstanding scars. Ultimately, the community feels that the poster’s blunt, albeit emotionally charged, response was a cry for acknowledgment of the abuse, not an act of cruelty.
Family history can be a heavy burden, especially when it involves unresolved abuse and ongoing blame. While the poster’s painful recollection highlights the deep scars left by John’s actions, it also raises an important question: How can families move beyond past trauma and create spaces where healing replaces blame?
Is there a point where confronting old demons becomes more damaging than healing? We invite you to share your thoughts and experiences. What steps do you believe are necessary for breaking the cycle of family trauma? Join the conversation below and let’s work together toward understanding and recovery.