AITA for telling my brother it’s pathetic that he can’t do the basics of what his wife did.

A Redditor shares a heated argument with their brother, who recently became a stay-at-home parent after losing his job. The Redditor is frustrated with their brother’s inability to manage household chores and care for the kids while his wife, Rachel, works full-time.

After telling him that it’s “pathetic” that he can’t handle basic responsibilities, the situation escalates, and the Redditor’s mom gets involved. It appears that the brother’s lack of effort may have put his marriage at risk. Invite people to read the original story below.

‘ AITA for telling my brother it’s pathetic that he can’t do the basics of what his wife did.’

I love my SIL and brother. They have two kids and my SIL Rachel was a kinda a SAHM. She worked from home part time but also took care of the kids, and all the chores. I was over multiple times and the house was spotless. Really I thought she was just extra cleaning when she had guests but no.

When I had my kid she showed me her schedule. She would be up at 5 for meal prepping for the whole day. Like she never stopped and a lot of her tips helped me with my own home.

Now my brother lost his job and it was decided that Rachel would go back to work full time and he would stay at home. The kids are in kindergarten and first grade, he has this on easy mode.

I’ve been over to help sometimes since he just sucks at it. The house is always a mess, the kids are usually late to school ( he asked me to drive them after the school talked to him). He doesn’t cook it just sad.

He got in a huge argument with his wife since dinner wasn’t done and she had to make it. He was ranting about how it unfair and that he is trying. I told him it’s pathetic he can’t do the basic of what his wife did. He has 8 hours free and he can’t keep the house clean. I told him she will divorce him if he doesn’t stop being lazy and figure it out. He left after calling me a j**k and my mom is now on me for what I said Thank you for the Mac and cheese recipes

Updates: I love my SIL, my mom apologized to me. Rachel sent my mom what the kitchen and house looks like. The messages from the school and apparently a text argument about how he shouldn’t be doing this. She gave him two options, get his s**t together or get out. I leaned a lot more about the situation and learned he wasn’t packing the kids lunches the last two days. I think he just broke his marriage

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

CakeEatingRabbit −  NTA. She worked part time and did it all. He has no job at all and can’t even somewhat cut it. How the f**k were the kids late?! I mean, one time can always happen, but consitently? I think being a sahp IS hard. But with both kids going to school, he should have the time to do the most of it.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. You’re not wrong. Sure, it could have been put more elegantly, but sugar-coating wouldn’t have made your point any less valid. This is his *job* now and he is under-performing. Maybe this subpar work effort is why he lost his other job to begin with.

BabyCake2004 −  NTA. I was prepared to call you an AH because waking up at 5 am to keep everything sorted is absolutely insane. But that’s not what she’s asking for, she’s asking for him to cook dinner, get the kids to school, and keep the house semi clean.

Then to go and complain to you about it shows no self awareness. He needs to figure this out. These are the basics of being a parent and being an adult. You maybe could have said it nicer, but at worst it was a justified AH move.

paul_rudds_drag_race −  NTA he’s an incompetent adult, father, and spouse. The children are school aged. He has all day to get things done while the children are in school. I used to work with profoundly disabled children.

Some couldn’t do anything for themselves and therefore the parents had to do everything for them. The parents still got them to school on time. If he can’t do anything, then he’s just another mouth that his wife has to feed and another person for her to look after.

Edit: I see that he somehow has time for hobbies. Interesting.

Significant_Cat_3 −  NTA. Honestly you’re right. If he cannot prove that that system will work, SIL may realize that she doesn’t really need him as a partner if he can’t earn his keep.

I get that it’s a rough adjustment he has to make, but he’s not getting any aspect of a stay at home parent right. Especially considering the fact that he’s not working, and the kids are at school for a good chunk of the day.

The fact that SIL was able to do it all with non-school aged kids, while also working part time should be a wake up call. Chances are she could probably manage without him if it came down to it.

Fancy-Second2756 −  NTA – my dad did everything when we were kids. All the cooking and cleaning and school runs, extracurricular activity runs, lunches, bath times EVERYTHING. Men are absolutely just as capable to do the things that are often left to women. For some reason so many of them think they can’t or shouldn’t have to.

superrm81 −  NTA. Not too surprised by your mothers reaction, mothers are often the cause of their adult sons being useless at adulting!

Dizzy_Cantaloupe_388 −  NTA – maybe saying his wife will divorce him was taking it a little too far, but he is a grown man who should be able to take care of a house and kids. He’s had years to learn from his wife and never took any interest assuming she would always be the one to do everything, and now he’s hopefully finally appreciating how hard she works to keep everything in order.

He’s learning a life lesson and he doesn’t like it. Kudos to you for sticking by your SIL – she’s probably been trying to get him more involved for years and now she has someone on her side.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Don’t encourage mediocrity, especially in relatives. There are so many men and women out there giving 110% to their families. There are plenty of single dad’s who cook, clean, show up for their kids, and work full time- without a wife supporting them financially.

He honestly sounds like he needs some therapy. He could be dealing with some depression from losing his job, or denial about his new situation- but it’s not an excuse to keep acting this way.

He’s not just being disrespectful to his wife, he’s setting a horrible example for his children. Marriage is a partnership. Raising children is a privilege. People who aren’t willing to do the bare minimum- tend to lose both those things.

Jmac_files −  NTA. the truth hurts.

Do you think the Redditor was too harsh on their brother, or was it necessary to call out his lack of effort? How would you handle the pressure of balancing work and home duties if you were in his position? Share your thoughts below!