AITA for telling my brother he’s using weaponized incompetence against me over hot pockets?

A Redditor (21F) is frustrated with her older brother (25M), who repeatedly eats her food without permission, even though she always labels it. The issue escalated when he ate all of her hot pockets, which are her “safe food” due to her ARFID disorder.

After addressing this pattern, she confronted him for using “weaponized incompetence,” which led to a family disagreement. Read the full story below to see how she handled her brother’s actions and the fallout from her confrontation.

‘ AITA for telling my brother he’s using weaponized incompetence against me over hot pockets?’

I (21F) still live with my parents and brother (25M) like most people around our ages, considering the price of housing right now. My “rental agreement” with my parents is that I buy all of my groceries instead of actually paying for rent.

For the most part I pay for my own gas too, but my parents are happy to help with that too. My brother on the other hand doesn’t even have any sort of rental agreement with my parents. He goes to college, only has 4 total classes, and has no job. He won’t even partially fill my gas tank after going somewhere.

I have a disorder called ARFID. I often will eat the same thing for months on end because of this. I have to use the family fridge. I almost always label my food with my name, and for the most part if my brother wants one of my food items he’s actually pretty good at asking me if he can have some.

My brother and I actually get along 90% of the time too. To the story. Since I often buy my safe foods for months on end, if I’m in a hurry to get to work I occasionally forget to label them. I’ll get home from work and half of my food is gone. He knows I’ve been the only one buying these specific foods the whole time.

His excuse every single time is “They weren’t labeled how was I supposed to know?”  I respond back “Who’s the only person who’s been getting this specific food item for months?” This has happened 100s of times over the last four years. He has given me the same response every single time.

I went to the store with my mom and I didn’t have money but I was out of meatball mozzarella hot pockets. I asked my mom if I paid her back my next paycheck if I could get them, and she said yes. In her words “if its something you can get yourself to eat, then its worth it for me to pay for it”.

We get home and immediately my brother zones in on these hot pockets and I told him “please don’t eat too many, I want to have some this time.” My mom said he could have four total, so he had two that night (I usually have one with a small side of potatoes).

After only two days, I had only had two of this 12 pack and they were all gone. I asked my brother how many he ate since mom said he could only have 4, and his response was “you never said my friend couldn’t have any.”

I lost it and told him “There’s actually no way you can keep doing this. You know that’s my safe food and one of the few things I can eat right now, I’ve been getting it for months. I’m tired of you using this weaponized incompetence against me to justify eating my food.

You know I usually let you have some if you just ask!” My brother gave me kind of a hurt look and basically called me an AH and that he was just hungry. My mom said while I was right I might’ve been too harsh and I know that he’s sensitive to feeling like he’s upset people.

I don’t know if I’m the AH because of that. It’s why I haven’t said anything for those 4 years. I just finally got tired of it. I’m done having to tell him every single time I forget to label my food one time. AITA?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

hubertburnette −  NTA. If it isn’t weaponized incompetence, it’s hair-splitting. And why doesn’t he have to pay anything when you do?

SummerStar62 −  Get a personal fridge and a lock, or with a locking door, for your room. NTA [I would personally get one with a clear door. So he could see what he’s missing by being a willfully obtuse a**hole.](https://a.co/d/hXbE9D5)

hyundai-gt −  NTA. You could go /r/pettyrevenge style and do a whole bunch of things to his stuff that he has never explicitly told you not to do. He will get the message. – smear shaving cream on his pillow. – put his shoes in the freezer. – change his alarms to go off at 4am. – etc
When he inevitably freaks out, just repeat back “you never told me not to do X thing”. He’s a f**king smug smartass j**k and he knows it.

sickofdriving007 −  NTA. Your brother needs to get a job and buy his own food.

Educational-Finger18 −  I figured I should add for context…. His friend comes over almost every single day but sunday. Of course we are okay feeding him and he even offers to pay for food a lot since he eats a lot of ours.

His friend was incredibly apologetic about eating my hot pockets but I told him it’s not his job to know that they weren’t free game. No I did not have this blow up in front of the friend, my brother told him about it. The friend even offered to pay for the hot pockets but I told him its okay.

GlitchiePixie −  NTA I know this might be pricey, but maybe get a fridge in your room to try avoid this. It sucks that I am suggesting that, as he does sound like an ass.

TemptingPenguin369 −  NTA. I don’t know how weaponized incompetence fits in here, but he knows those foods are mostly for you and he’s playing semantics when he says “you never said my friend couldn’t have any.”

OliveMammoth6696 −  If he’s sensitive to upsetting people then maybe he shouldn’t be an AH. NTA. you were way nicer than you should’ve been. Especially since you buy the groceries it’s not like he couldn’t find something else to obsess over and ask you to get.

SparkleCat650 −  NTA. If your brother is “sensitive to feeling like he’s upset people,” then he needs to stop doing things to upset people and learn some accountability.

Duncan_sucks −  NTA. Usually when people are sensitive to feeling like they’ve upset people they try not to do the things they know upset people. Your brother might have your mom trained to avoid confrontation with him and he’s working on you now.

This might be a subconscious thing by the way. He might not realize he’s doing it just that when he does do it his life is easier and full of more easy to make food.

Do you think the Redditor was justified in confronting her brother for eating her food, or was she too harsh in how she addressed the situation? How would you handle this ongoing issue with a sibling? Share your thoughts below!