AITA for telling my brother he’s too old for his “dream” job and that he needs to be more realistic?

A Reddit user reflects on her recent conversation with her brother, who at 31 has decided to quit his stable job to pursue a career as a professional musician. Despite having played guitar as a hobby, he lacks a solid plan and hopes to “go viral” online.

Concerned for his financial stability, she encouraged him to consider a steady job while pursuing music on the side. This advice led to an argument, with her brother accusing her of being unsupportive and unrealistic. Now, she’s left questioning if her perspective was too harsh. Read the original story below for more insights.

‘ AITA for telling my brother he’s too old for his “dream” job and that he needs to be more realistic?’

My (21F) brother (31M) recently quit his stable job because he wants to “follow his dream” of becoming a professional musician. For context, he’s played guitar as a hobby for years, but he’s never taken it seriously enough to pursue it as a career until now. He didn’t have a solid plan—just quit his job and started posting covers online, hoping to “go viral” or get discovered.

Our family is supportive, but I’m worried he’s making a huge mistake. He’s 31, has bills to pay, and has never worked in the music industry. I had a conversation with him and basically told him that it’s great to have dreams, but at his age, he should be thinking more practically and looking for a stable job. I suggested that he could still do music on the side while working a steady job to support himself.

He got really upset and said I’m being unsupportive and crushing his dream. He accused me of not believing in him and being too focused on money and “boring” responsibilities. Our parents are on the fence, but my brother hasn’t spoken to me since.
I feel like I’m just being realistic, but now I’m wondering if I was too harsh. AITA for telling my brother he’s too old to pursue his dream job?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

ReviewOk929 −  At his age. YTA – I agree with most of what you said, there’s some good points but by saying “At his age” you imply that there is an age barrier that doesn’t exist. Plenty of other artists have found success at this age. He isn’t over the hill, or too old to make it. I think you could have been more supportive whilst making some of the points you did.

Ducky818 −  YTA for telling him he’s too old to pursue his dream.
That being said, he should make sure he can cover his responsibilities while pursuing that dream.
As the saying goes “the best time to pursue a dream was yesterday (or 5 or 10 or whatever years ago) but the second best time to pursue it is today”.

MildMeatball −  Soft YTA but only for the “at his age” part. Other than that, yes i think it’s good advice to tell someone not to quit a stable job to pursue a creative pursuit they don’t really have any kind of solid financial footing in full time.

That is just sort of the reality if you want to become a professional musician, writer, film director, etc, etc. You grind it on the side while you support yourself in other ways in the meantime. Sucks but it is how it is. That part is NTA, but nobody is too old to give up on their dreams, that is YTA.

31 is probably a pit past the “ideal” age for starting his pursuits but it still isn’t that old, he can still do it. The financial advice is correct, but the age part is just unfairly discouraging.

giantzombiecupcake −  NTA. Everyone else answering differently is missing the point – your brother’s age is not the problem. The problem is that he is in his 30s and thinks he can just give up his source of income with no fallback plan.

He’s not going to make money from posting videos of himself playing guitar to YouTube and TikTok. When he’s broke and can’t pay bills or rent, maybe he will admit you had a point.

Balawulf −  If telling him to make sure he has stability first is “crushing his dreams”, yeah he ain’t going anywhere with that mindset. NTA.

cndnsportsfan −  INFO. With his years of stable employment does he have a nest egg or foundation that he can rely on?

GaloisGroupie271 −  NTA You’re just telling him not to put all his eggs in one basket. He shouldn’t risk literally everything he has on the hope of going viral.

Consistent-Tax9850 −  YTA because he is not too old. He may not have the talent, he may have his head in the clouds, he may be totally unrealistic, but he is not too old. He sounds lost, because if he were absolutely committed and confident, he would not regard your advice as “crushing his dream”. Its his life and obviously he needs to figure some things out.

MildLittlRain −  NTA but let him experience it himself. It’s not your problem. If it was your husband it would gzve been a problem, but thiz uz judt your older brother who appearently needs a reality check. Let him have it and just focus on yourself.

Low_Scar_2169 −  Ooooohhhh boy. He’s doomed. Don’t loan him any money you actually expect to get back.