Aita for telling my brother he got exactly what he deserved when he pushed his girlfriend away for being a “gold digger”?
A woman confronts her brother after his relationship ends, finding out that he had been testing his girlfriend to see if she was a “gold digger.” His methods included leaving bank statements out to gauge her reaction, making her pay expensive restaurant bills, and not buying her gifts, all to prove that she wasn’t after his money.
When the girlfriend finally had enough and ended the relationship, the brother was angry, believing his suspicions were justified. However, the sister disagreed, telling him that no woman would tolerate his “tests” and that he should either date women who are equally wealthy or stop testing those with lower incomes.
Her blunt response left her brother calling her an “asshole,” leading her to question if she was too harsh.
‘ Aita for telling my brother he got exactly what he deserved when he pushed his girlfriend away for being a “gold digger”?’
My brother is a very hardworking man and at 27 he is now very wealthy and doing well for himself. He’s been with this girl for six months and throughout the time we have gotten close because we both like hair, makeup, and shopping. I never knew there was anything wrong with their relationship except when she texted me last week I saying she would love to hang out but thinks it’ll be inappropriate because her and my brother broke up.
I asked her why and she said she was sick and tired of “auditioning” to prove she was with him for the right reasons. She went on to say that my brother is paranoid she’s after his money so he would test her like 1. Leaving out his bank statements on their bed and getting upset when she picked it up 2. Going out to eat at high end restaurants he requested and leaving his wallet on home at purpose to make her pay the bill and prove she’s not going out with him for money 3. Never buying her gifts and questioning her when she asks why he doesn’t.
I was shocked so I had to hear my brothers perspective. We spoke and he told me everything she said was true and that there’s nothing wrong with making sure his girlfriend is with him for the right reasons. He said he left his bank statements on the bed and was peeking through the door to see if she would be curious and when he saw her pick up the papers he knew in his gut she was using him for his money, so he set up the restaurant idea to see if she would get upset at paying a 500$ bill which she was.
I asked him if he thinks her being an elementary school teacher could’ve contributed to her being upset at a 500$ bill at a restaurant he wanted to go to and he said no. He said the straw that broke was when she asked him why he hasn’t bought her a single gift since they’ve started dating when she bought him a gaming console and new rims for his car and he knew she was just discretely asking him to buy her an expensive gift.
He confronted her and said he thinks she’s with him for his money so she said let me do us both a favor and dumped him and blocked him. He’s upset about the “gold digging b**tch” and when I laughed he called me an a**shole. He said I would never understand what’s it’s like being a rich man and being used and I get that concern, but I told him if he thinks any woman will be okay with his tests and auditions he’s delusional as hell.
If he doesn’t want to be used for his money he should start dating people as wealthy as him or leave lower income people alone if he’s not going to be genuine in his relationships unless they pass his “test”.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Veritas_man says: NTA. Sounds like you told your brother the truth. He sounds immature and testing a partner never turns out well.
Comrad1984 says: Only a**shole here is the brother. Also — where does she teach that she can afford game consoles, rims, and $500 dinners?? Clearly she’s really responsible with her money, something you’d think the brother would appreciate… If he weren’t such a shallow asshat.
KyonaAidoneus says: NTA, it kinda sounds like HE’S a gold digger tbh. “Testing her” would be taking her out to eat and getting separate tabs, not making her pay for everything. And leaving his bank statements on the bed and getting pissy that she looks? HELLO; EVERYONE LOOKS AT PAPERS JUST LEFT ON THEIR BED. Heck, all of her reactions are NORMAL and he’s just acting like a b**at.
yourlittlebirdie says: NTA. He sounds awful. I can’t imagine why any woman would want to be with him with that terrible personality.
“I’m going to treat women I date like garbage, and if they break up with me, I’ll know it was because they only wanted my money.” What?
Evil_Mel says: Your brothers tests are flawed.
1. Leaving out his bank statements on their bed and getting upset when she picked it up
Papers on the bed, hmmm, let me glance at them to see if it’s relevant to me & if not, put them out of the way.
2. Going out to eat at high end restaurants he requested and leaving his wallet on home at purpose to make her pay the bill and prove she’s not going out with him for money
If he wanted her to buy dinner, go somewhere she can afford. No teacher I know would pay $500 for a dinner. That was his biggest a**shole move.
Edit – wasn’t done. Ugh
3. Never buying her gifts and questioning her when she asks why he doesn’t.
she bought him a gaming console and new rims for his car
Your brother is a massive a**shole. The items she got him as gifts are not cheap, so I don’t know where he gets off saying she is a gold-digger, if anything sounds like he is.
NTA
ladyk1487 says: I could be a millionaire and I’d still be pissed if I had to pay $500 for dinner. He’s s very delusional for thinking people would be okay with those test. I feel like nothing she could’ve done would’ve stopped his thoughts of her. NTA
HellblazerHawk says: NTA. I sort of get the desire to see if she was just using him, but his way about doing so would p**ss off anyone. Like not even getting her flowers or something in 6 months?
J0sey_W4les_23 says: NTA – Something tells me that if your brother is driving a car with rims, he’s not as rich as he thinks he is. Regardless, dude has a terrible relationship with the money he does have and apparently a pretty low opinion of himself and what he has to offer. It’d be sad if he wasn’t such an a**shole.
[deleted user] says: Money doesn’t buy class. NTA
Speedywins says: NTA. She isn’t a gold digger she’s a nice person. Your brother needs to go to therapy for his paranoia
