AITA for telling my boyfriend that he has a long-term medical condition and I don’t feel sorry for him?

When minor health issues become flashpoints for deeper emotional responses, it’s hard not to question whether our reactions are justified. Our OP, a 25‑year‑old ER professional, shares how a routine check on her 26‑year‑old boyfriend’s leg and hip complications turned into a contentious moment. After he underwent surgery that left him with painful hemorrhoids—a condition that may persist long term despite dietary adjustments—the OP,

concerned about his well-being (and admittedly, accustomed to seeing worse in the ER), texted him a message outlining that he needed to deal with this condition and incorporate more fiber into his diet. Instead of taking the advice in stride, he exploded, claiming that she ruined his day and that he felt his peace was shattered. Now, feeling hurt by his reaction and his dismissive attitude, she wonders if she’s in the wrong for bluntly stating the reality of his condition without any sympathy.

‘AITA for telling my boyfriend that he has a long-term medical condition and I don’t feel sorry for him?’

Experts in relationship dynamics and stress management highlight that how we communicate about health issues—especially in moments of vulnerability—can sometimes trigger disproportionate reactions. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist known for her work on interpersonal communication, explains,

“When a partner is confronted with a medical diagnosis that challenges their lifestyle or self-image, the emotional impact can be significant. While it’s important to communicate honestly about health, the delivery must be calibrated to the recipient’s emotional state. If someone’s peace is deeply valued, even minor health issues can be perceived as catastrophic.” (kidshealth.org) Similarly, family therapist Dr. Susan Johnson notes,

“In relationships where one partner is used to a certain lifestyle or level of comfort, any disruption—even one as seemingly minor as a long-term condition like hemorrhoids—can lead to an emotional outburst. However, it’s also essential for both partners to recognize that practical health advice, particularly when given by someone with medical expertise, should ideally be received with gratitude rather than anger.”

In this case, the OP’s reaction was intended to be helpful and pragmatic, reflecting her professional background, even if her boyfriend’s response was disproportionately defensive.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Many redditors empathize with the OP, arguing that if you work in a high-stress environment like the ER, you learn to see things in perspective. “Her advice about eating more fiber and staying hydrated is standard medical advice—not something to be offended by,” one commenter stated.

In the end, the OP’s decision to inform her boyfriend about the long-term nature of his hemorrhoids was intended as a straightforward, medically sound piece of advice—a reflection of her professional background. While her delivery may have come off as unsympathetic given his fragile peace, many agree that the issue at hand is minor in the grand scheme of things. However, if you’re sensitive about your personal comfort, even small inconveniences can feel overwhelming.

So, AITA for telling my boyfriend that he has a long-term condition and I don’t feel sorry for him? Is it reasonable for medical advice to be met with such a defensive reaction, or should we always strive for more empathy in our communications? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—what would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation?