AITA for telling my boyfriend my grandad is prejudice?

A Reddit user (19F) shares an incident from the first time her boyfriend met her family. Aware that her grandad sometimes makes prejudiced comments, she warned her boyfriend beforehand to prepare him for the possibility. While most of the evening went smoothly, her grandad did make a few inappropriate remarks, upsetting her boyfriend. Later, her mother accused her of being wrong for giving the warning, claiming it unfairly labeled the family. Now, the user is questioning her decision. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for telling my boyfriend my grandad is prejudice?’

Today, my boyfriend met my family for the first time. He’s of a different race, and I knew that wouldn’t be an issue with most of my family—except for my grandad, who has a history of making prejudiced or “edgy” comments. Wanting to prepare my boyfriend, I warned him in advance about the possibility of uncomfortable remarks.

For the most part, the evening went well, but my grandad made a few prejudiced comments in front of my boyfriend, which left him upset. He had been nervous about meeting my family and wanted to make a good impression, so those comments really affected him.

Later, my mum came to me and said I was wrong to warn my boyfriend about my grandad’s behavior. She accused me of essentially calling the whole family racist, which I didn’t intend at all. I was only trying to prepare my boyfriend for what might happen. This only just happened, and now I’m questioning myself. Was I wrong for warning my boyfriend, or was I right to give him a heads-up? AITA? What should I do now?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

noshingwithnovels −  NTA | But, you would have been had you not forewarned your boyfriend prior to meeting your family. Imagine being blindsided with prejudice and r**ist comments, then finding out later that your girlfriend knew her grandfather was like this and didn’t tell you. It would be over for me. You did the right thing telling him. Your mom is completely out of line in lecturing you when the person she should be lecturing is her father.

k23_k23 −  NTA. “My mum came into my room a while ago and said I was in the wrong for warning my boyfriend about the prejudice and that I’ve basically called the whole family r**ist.” .. they ARE all r**ist AHs: They enable granddad to spout his racism.

ponyboycurtis1980 −  Guess what, if your family is fine with listening to a family member make r**ist comments, then you are by action r**ist as well. Your mom is right on that point.

Only_Music_2640 −  So your entire family is r**ist but only grandpa is open about it?

Healthy_Brain5354 −  YTA, you put your boyfriend in an uncomfortable situation where he had to put up with your r**ist family.

Good_Narwhal_420 −  you should warn your grandad not to be a r**ist, instead of taking your boyfriend around racists and warning him.

hotmesssorry −  NTA
They are r**ist and you should protect your boyfriend from them

flotiste −  No one has called out grandad for his racism, which means they either agree with it, or they would prefer the racism to saying anything. That makes them all r**ist. No need to put up with that crap, especially if your bf is BIPOC and likely faces enough of it on a daily basis.. NTA.

Necessary-Cup-9628 −  NTA. But you are an a**hole for bringing a person to your r**ist family to be abused. And they are all r**ist if none of them called out dear grandpa.

Feeling-Squirrel9277 −  NTA lol and your family are r**ist or at least apathetic AHs if they haven’t checked your grandpa for his BS. Sounds like the typical “that’s just the way he is, there’s nothing we can do about it now, he’s too old” excuses coupled with the old “don’t make the family look bad even though we’re making ourselves look bad”.