AITA for telling my baby sister not to introduce her boyfriend to my 4 year old ?

A mother allowed her 25-year-old sister to take her 4-year-old daughter for the weekend. Before leaving, the mother asked about plans and discovered her sister intended to take the child to dinner with her boyfriend—someone the mother hadn’t met.

Feeling uncomfortable with this, she requested her sister not introduce her daughter to the boyfriend. While her sister seemed initially agreeable, she ultimately disregarded the mother’s wishes. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for telling my baby sister not to introduce her boyfriend to my 4 year old ?’

So a few months ago, my baby sister whom is 25 years old asked if she could take my daughter for the weekend. I agreed and dropped her off at my mom’s apartment where she lives. I had recently found out she started dating a guy and before I left I asked what she had planned.

It was a week before Halloween so she stated she would take my daughter to get a costume and then they would hang out at the park and get lunch with my mom. These were normal things for them, so I said okay cool.

Then she proceeded to ask me what time I was picking her up the following day, normally she wouldn’t ask. I asked her if she needed me to pick her by a certain time and she said no..

she said she had plans but my daughter could be included, now something in me said if you are planning an outing with your boyfriend please leave my daughter with mom, she then goes well mom is coming with us because he invited us to dinner.

So I said okay I’ll swing by early in the day to get her, please don’t have my daughter around people that I do not know or introduce her to your boyfriend whom I haven’t met yet and she seemed a little bothered by it. I explained why I felt the way I did and she agreed not to…

but she didn’t respect my boundaries or wishes. Edit: The same night I asked her not to introduce my kid to her boyfriend, she had him over for a few hours and it was never mentioned to me. I found out because my kid slipped up and told me he got her flowers and she thought she was in trouble for telling me.

I had to ask them, I asked my mom first and she said oh yea he came over and was here for a few, she didn’t understand what the issue was and I explained it’s for safety reasons, I asked my sister and she still won’t have a conversation about with me. So yea …..

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

AboutAverage404 −  (Attempts to establish boundary regarding child) Sister: “Well obviously this doesn’t apply to me!” OP. OP. This is….. who’s kid? Your mom’s? Your sister’s? No. It’s YOURS. Your rules, your child. At the end of the day, that’s what this boils down to. NTA

newbieneedsadvice64 −  NTA. You were willing to accommodate whatever timeframe was needed to keep your child from being introduced to the boyfriend. While I don’t personally see harm in the BF briefly meeting your daughter it’s still *your choice,* period. Especially if you’re flexible enough to work around their plans.

embopbopbopdoowop −  Your use of ‘baby sister’ in the title took me on an interesting journey. Edited to change verdict based on update: NTA. Introducing him against your wishes is bad enough. Seemingly having told your daughter to keep it a secret is unforgivable.

Original verdict: N A H for your actual question, based on my understanding that she agreed not to introduce your child to her boyfriend. I’m missing any indication you’d told her not to do this before and she planned to go against that, but please correct me if I’m wrong.

1568314 −  ESH she should respect your boundaries but you’re being ridiculous. Either you trust your mom and sister to take good care of your kid or you don’t. Would you be pissed if your mom ran into a friend at the store and introduced your daughter?

Would you be mad if your daughter played with *gasp* a strange child at the park and interacted with that kids parents? Pre-school? What are you going to do at kinder next year? Forbid her from talking to the lunch ladies and the gym coach until you’ve met them?

Unless you have reason to be suspicious of this dude or reason to think your sister is leaving your daughter alone with him, you need to wake up and realize that you don’t get to control every single person your kid interacts with unless you are the person with your kid 24/7.

CourtingCuriosity −  NTA your sister doesn’t get to dictate who is in your child’s life. Introducing her to him at this smaller event is not up to her, it would be different if it were some large social event.

Mammoth_Leg_8489 −  While bringing the BF around against your wishes is a big deal, telling your daughter not to tell you is the bigger issue. Teaching your daughter to lie to you is definitely not cool. Either one of these things alone is enough to never trust your Sister or Mother with your daughter again.

They obviously have no respect for you, and will disregard any boundaries you set. They will do whatever they please and then just tell your daughter to lie to you about it.

Remote-Physics6980 −  NTA i’d say you just learned a very important lesson. Do not trust your sister with your child. Learn the lesson now and it won’t turn into something tragic and horrible later, when she doesn’t think it matters if the guy is high while he’s driving or has a record or has three other children that he never sees.

snork13 −  Please clarify what you mean with your last sentence. I explained why I felt the way I did and *she agreed not to*… **but she didn’t respect my boundaries or wishes.** So…did she introduce your daughter to her boyfriend or not?

You say she agreed to *not* have her boyfriend around your daughter, then immediately state she didn’t respect your boundaries or wishes – which suggests she *did* have her boyfriend around your daughter. NTA for not wanting your daughter around your sisters new boyfriend, before you’ve met him – Your child, your boundaries.

Nester1953 −  This is known as being a responsible, protective mother. Your sister doesn’t have to agree with you, but she does have to do what you say with your child.

If by “she didn’t respect my boundaries or my wishes” you mean that she introduced your child to her BF and had your child around him despite your instructions, then your sister can’t have unsupervised time with your daughter.. NTA

phillip-g91 −  How did she not respect your boundaries or wishes when she agreed not to?? I’m confused

The mother had clear boundaries about introducing her child to strangers, especially someone she hadn’t vetted herself. Was the sister wrong to dismiss these boundaries, or was the mother overprotective in this situation? What would you have done? Share your thoughts below!