AITA for telling my aunt to manage her own kid at a family event?

A Reddit user finds herself in the middle of family drama after telling her aunt that managing her own child, a lively 4-year-old cousin, isn’t her responsibility at a family event. The situation escalated when her aunt blamed her for a mess caused by the child. Read the full story below to see if she handled it fairly!

‘ AITA for telling my aunt to manage her own kid at a family event? ‘

I want to start by saying that I absolutely love my baby cousin, Lily. She’s one of my favorite people in the world, and I see her as more of a little sister than a cousin. But during a recent family gathering, things got a little tense, and I’m left wondering if I handled the situation poorly.

I’m 24 (female) and part of a large, joint family with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and plenty of cousins. Since I work in another state, I only see everyone during holidays or special events. Being the oldest of my generation, I’ve always been close to my younger cousins, especially Lily, who’s just 4 years old.

We have a two-decade age gap, but I adore her and babysit whenever I can. She’s very attached to me and even sees my mom as a second mother. Recently, I attended my younger brother’s birthday party—a rare chance to relax and catch up with family after a stressful year.

Lily was there, of course, and as the youngest cousin, she didn’t have any playmates her age. Naturally, she gravitated toward me. She kept pulling me away from the table to join her games, and I happily played with her for a while.

When it was time for dinner, I even fed her because she refuses to eat unless it’s from her mom, my mom, or me. After making sure she was settled, I handed her off to my grandma so I could grab a plate of food and enjoy the meal. I honestly thought she’d nap or play outside in the garden.

But when I came back, I found chaos. Lily had pulled at the tablecloth, spilling several dishes and creating a huge mess. She was crying because my aunt—her mother—had started scolding her, and the whole scene had become a disaster.

Later, my aunt came up to me and, in a very pointed tone, said I should have kept an eye on Lily. She implied that the mess was my fault, essentially blaming me for not watching her. I was so shocked that I didn’t know how to respond at first. But then I told her, as calmly as I could, that Lily is not my responsibility.

She is her mother, and it’s ultimately her job to look after her. My aunt stormed off after that, and now my family group chats and calls are blowing up. My mom and grandparents are getting complaints about how “disrespectful” I was for speaking to my aunt that way.

I didn’t mean to cause any drama, but I genuinely feel like I did nothing wrong. I love Lily and always try to help out when I can, but I was hoping to enjoy this one event without being on babysitting duty the entire time. So now I’m wondering—AITA for standing up for myself? Or should I have handled things differently?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

BlueGreen_1956 −  NTA. Tell us your aunt is a b**ch without telling us aunt is a b**ch.

Spoedi-Probes −  **NTA** You are 100% correct, Lily is not your responsibility. You handled it perfectly reasonably. Her Mother is no under no illusion that she can blame you for her poor parenting.

For anyone saying you should be looking after Lily, tell them that the next gathering you are deligating that responsibility to them. At the gathering remind the person (and everyone else) that they volunteered to watch Lily.

LakeGlen4287 −  NTA. I would have said the same thing. “I love Lily and enjoy playing with her. But Auntie, I’m not responsible for Lily. I’m here to visit and have dinner with my whole family, including Lily, but not just Lily.”

butterybiscuitt −  Your aunt needs to accept that parenting means, you know, parenting, even at family gatherings. Helping out occasionally doesn’t mean handing over full custody at every event.

Reasonable-Sale8611 −  No, you are NTA. You handed her off to your grandmother, so it then became your grandmother’s job to either watch her, or to ask someone else to watch her. Your grandmother failed to do that and is covering her tracks by blaming you.

Now, I understand your grandmother probably has a lot going on at a birthday party, but she could have asked any other responsible adult to watch Lily for a few minutes.

Your family are in the wrong because they expected you to babysit the entire party and not even have a few minutes to yourself to eat. Also, they are banding together to ostracize you for speaking up for yourself.

You have been very generous to babysit Lily during family parties but you are correct that Lily’s care is your aunt’s (and uncle’s, if Lily’s dad is in the picture) responsibility and that it’s unfair to you to expect you to be the unpaid babysitter for the whole party and be unable even to eat or visit with other family members.

They are going to call you rude or disrespectful because that’s how they plan to get what they want, which is for you to have the responsibility for Lily (i.e. you are the one with the stress of making sure she doesn’t run into traffic, destroy anything, get into the cabinets and eat medicine, etc.)

while they get to enjoy themselves and chat with their family members. So you have to decide (a) what you want and (b) how much criticism you are willing to put up with to get what you want.

In general, as long as you don’t use swear words or insults, or raise your voice, and your position that you were defending was reasonable, you can usually be fairly confident that “You were disrespectful!” is just the other person(s) trying to get their own way by intimidating you into backing down.

VelFaylis −  NTA, you deserve a break too. It’s your aunt’s responsibility to manage her own kid.

AdAccomplished6870 −  I get that being a parent is tiring and stressful. But it is a full time gig. You don’t get to stop being a parent because you want to party. Lily was never OOP’s responsibility. And a parent should have always had an eye on her.

I was raised with a much younger sibling, and tons of younger second cousins (well, techically, first cousins once removed, but no one knows what that means). So we always took the ‘it takes a village’ approach.

I can’t tell you the number of times, at non-family gatherings I have had to call out to a parent’s attention that their toddler was running towards the swimming pool (and no one was in the pool), or the toddler was messing with a dog (the dog was very patient and calm, but still).

or the toddler was about to get into a bounce house while eating a popsicle (for that one, the toddler actually was walking between the parent and another adult, who were too busy talking to be aware of their kid). It should be second nature to be aware of your kid at all times. I get that that is exhausting, but that is what being a parent is.. NTA

Twilight_Goddess07 −  Definitely not the a**hole. It’s not your responsibility to constantly watch over your cousin, especially during a family event where you should be able to relax and catch up with everyone.

Your aunt should have been watching her own child, not expecting you to do it for her. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for setting boundaries.

No_Cockroach4248 −  Your aunt is complaining because the free babysitter she thought she had just quit. NTA

chez2202 −  NTA.. No apologies are necessary. The fact that someone still needs to feed your 4 year old niece, added to the fact that she then pulled the tablecloth and ruined many of the dishes on the table suggests that something else is going on here.

I live in England and children here start primary school at 4 years old. They feed themselves. Your aunt blaming you? I think she was out of order for that but I also think that you should have a conversation with her about what her home life is like with her daughter.

It sounds like she was relying on you to give her a break, which you did, and your cousin played up when she wasn’t the centre of attention any longer. There is definitely more going on with your cousin than you are aware of.

Your aunt might not have even realised it if she only has one child. She hasn’t known anything different. You should recommend getting your cousin assessed because this is not regular behaviour for a 4 year old.

Do you think the Redditor was justified in asserting her boundaries, or should she have stepped in more to help? How would you balance enjoying an event and helping with family responsibilities? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

For those who want to read the next part: https://aita.pics/aANbO