AITA for telling him to be ready & confronting him when he wasn’t?
A woman is frustrated with her partner and kids for not being ready on time for her birthday outing. Despite discussing the plan and her need for a break, her partner was on the toilet instead of preparing as agreed. She confronts him about it, feeling overwhelmed by the lack of initiative from her family.
Now, he’s upset and has dampened the mood for her birthday plans. read the original story below…
‘ AITA for telling him to be ready & confronting him when he wasn’t? ‘
My birthday is tomorrow so the kids are staying with us a day early (shared custody). I wanted Sunday to be a chill day without them & frankly a day off for me not having to be momager. I come from a very organized on time upbringing. My partner & the kids are the opposite & it absolutely kills me.
They take forever to get ready & move slower than watching paint dry on top of constantly being distracted by seemingly nothing. My partner & the teen girl are the worst. I could go on for a lifetime about the struggle of getting them up & moving, & remembering everything but I’m beyond exhausted.
Anyways, a month ago I asked for my birthday weekend to be on “me time”. Meaning everybody up, moving, & on their p’s & q’s with little to no complaining. So far it’s been mostly a fail. We are late yet again & I feel defeated. This morning in bed we went through today’s game plan.
He agreed to it all & I thought he was paying attention but I guess not. Here’s how today was supposed to go: everyone up. I cook breakfast. Girl in shower while I’m cooking. Everyone eat. I leave to run an errand leaving at 12, back by 1:00. Boys get ready in the time I’m out.
Kids pack their bags & put them in dads car. Everyone be 100% ready to go by time I’m back at 1:00 so we can leave to go to the Ohio State Fair. Simple enough right? I get home at 1:00. The boy has showered & is ready. The kids are packed but their bag are still upstairs & not in the car.
Boy tells me dad’s been on the toilet for the last 20-30 minutes. I go upstairs & he’s just scrolling undressed on the toilet. Gtf up & get ready. You were SUPPOSED TO BE READY! Im so irritated. I didn’t go off. I just asked what happened & why he wasn’t ready. He said “I did what you asked”.
No. He said he didn’t know I was going to be back by 1:00. Bro. You’re lying or you weren’t listening. Which is it? Or you don’t care. I just want a day off where he gets his s**t together & acts like an adult that knows what a schedule is. Please. Not he’s upset killing the vibe on the way to the fair.
I need you to listen to me & more so take initiative. I shouldn’t have to be the only one making the plans either. Help me in every way. I’m tired of managing these slow ass helpless human beings. I’m tired of doing it all. Tomorrow is my birthday.
I’m likely to leave him behind & just do my own thing. I can’t handle it. I’m tired of waiting on him. All of them.AITA for asking my partner to get everyone, including himself ready & confronting him when he wasn’t?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
kwyl − nta. this is actually a pet peeve of mine. to me it originates from a lack of respect for other parties involved as well as a self-centered, passive-aggressive method of control.
Global-Fact7752 − NTAH…you say early in your narrative that you are tired of getting everyone moving and remembering everything. STOP..you are enabling them and doing their thinking for them. What you are doing is called Over Functioning. Quit running interference and let them suffer the consequences of the time mismanagement and lack of organization.
[Reddit User] − NTA. I have a daughter with ADHD. I’m pretty sure I have it myself. But… as I tell her, we are still responsible for managing. It’s not anyone else’s job to take care of us, and it’s disrespectful of other people’s time to waste it.
With that being said…. Stop fighting with them. If they aren’t ready…. leave. Meet them there. Whatever. Just stop expecting, and start doing your own thing. Everyone will be a ton less stressed.
RightLocal1356 − INFO How long have you and partner been together? You said shared custody… of whose kids? Yours or partners? How often do you have kids with you? How old are the kids? Is time something you argue about a lot?
LawyerDad1981 − He sounds very very unorganized and scattered. You sound extraordinarily militantly rigid. Are you sure you guys are compatible?
LasciviousEnergumen − ESH. I was that child/teen and grew up with my parent being like you. It’s hard on everyone and everything is miserable, nothing gets solved.
You expect their brains to be wired to follow a schedule despite ample evidence that they’ve never been able to. Lateness and poor time management aren’t moral flaws and usually aren’t malicious. Often it’s just how different minds work.
You expected them to change to meet how your brain works in such a fundamentally different way than they do and then made yourself miserable when it didn’t magically happen. If you need change to happen, this has to start with clear communication, patience, and effort on everyone’s side.
You to better understand how their brain works and theirs to learn time management skills and how important this is to you. None of that will happen over night. Yes, your partner should have tried harder.
He was an AH for not getting things up and going and realizing how important this was to you and clearing up any miscommunication on his end. He could have utilized various supports and tools to meet your request. I’ve been there and there are ways to counter bad time management or time blindness with some effort.
The teenager is a literal child, whether you like it or not. I’ll tell you now, the many times I was yelled at or shamed for being late or having bad time management as a kid never made me any better at it, it just made me have an anxiety disorder while still being late.
Time management is not inherently known for many people but it is a skill that can be taught. Some people’s brains just don’t work how your brain works. Understanding that and exploring that will allow you some peace of mind and help exploring the relationship issues you and your family are facing.
Old-Willingness3622 − No your not wrong leave them behind and go do your own thing
NapalmAxolotl − Definitely go do your own thing tomorrow. And every day. Alone. You are not a good fit together. NAH.
Zealousideal-Love697 − I can see how frustrated you are but honestly you seem way over the top, given the situation. I was in your place once, and found that being chill and not caring greatly improved my mental health.
I would leave them to it and organise a girls’ adventure for my birthday rather than persevere with trying to get my own way, knowing I won’t and will end up feeling miserable on my birthday
Was she right to expect her partner to take charge or did she overreact? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!