AITA for telling everyone exactly why I’m getting divorced?

A Reddit user shares the challenging circumstances leading to her divorce and custody arrangement. After discovering their child would be deaf, her husband abandoned the family, citing inability to “deal” with the child and expressing disturbing sentiments.

When he spread false narratives about the divorce and custody, she publicly shared his text messages to clarify the truth. However, some family members have accused her of “airing dirty laundry” and “parental alienation.” Was she wrong to make this public? Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for telling everyone exactly why I’m getting divorced?’

My ex and I have one child together. We found out during my pregnancy that our child would be deaf, and wouldn’t qualify for the surgery that some deaf people are able to get due to a combination of problems. While the external issue is a fluke, the internal issue is apparently something that I always had a 25% chance of passing down to a child.

Not to toot my own horn, but once I learned this, I made an effort to start connecting with the Deaf community in my area and learn ASL. He did not, and while he stayed for the birth, he moved in with his brother right after dropping me off at my home. I own the house, and did before I met him, so it’s not part of the divorce.

He was nice enough to give me 2 months worth of a cleaning service and a gift card to GrubHub. He ended up telling everyone that I am the reason he doesn’t see our child, and that I filed for divorce because I overreacted. The truth is that I have sole custody because he cried, in court, that he couldn’t “deal” with the baby and wanted to just pay support.

While I did file, it was because he abandoned me and said so many horrible things that I couldn’t get over. I have text messages he sent me which say that he wouldn’t have married me if he knew that we would produce “problems” and that he couldn’t handle raising a “r******” (the only thing wrong with her is hearing).

I don’t want my child to grow up in a home where she’s hated. I was starting to hear all sorts of crap from my family and his, who started to take his side because divorce isn’t really a thing here, so I took action.

I made a social media post publishing the text messages so that people would finally see the truth. I’m now getting calls and messages for “making a private issue public” and “parental alienation”. AITA?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

[Reddit User] −  NTA. This guy has no businesses smearing you and damaging your reputation. You did what you had to do to set the record straight and nobody can fault you for that.

Un_decided_ −  NTA. If someone lies to make you look bad, you have the right to “air clean laundry”.

Ciecie33 −  NTA – although publishing his text messages is a bit over the top, he started the fight with his lies. You just defended yourself with the truth. Good for you.

Evolutioncocktail −  NTA. Dude’s a j**kass who can’t be bothered to learn sign language for his own g**damn daughter. She may have inherited hearing issues from you, but let’s pray she does not inherit assholery from him.

gmb99 −  NTA. He’s a s**tty person and slandering you to make himself look good. Call him out.

rabbit92 −  NTA. Every pregnancy is a surprise in a way, you never really know how it will go or what the outcome will be. If you aren’t prepared for that, you shouldn’t choose to become a parent. You did the work to learn ASL, he bailed. You have every right to correct the lies he told about you, and to expose his bigotry/ignorance.

I’m deaf in one ear, it’s not the same as being Deaf obviously, but I want to say there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with being deaf/Deaf and people who are hearing impaired can do anything (well nearly anything) an able bodied person can do. The only thing that holds people back is other peoples prejudices/refusal to accommodate. Carry on with what you’re doing. You sound like a great Mum.

jenkinsburns −  NTA. It was unfair of him to lie, and you shouldn’t have to put up with the stress of everyone siding with him. Especially as he’s already putting you through a lot.

Jazzminah −  Absolutely NTA. He turned everyone against you, all you did was prove his slander was false.

Boomboombecky −  NTA. This carrier gene runs in my family too. And it takes two people to have the copy of the gene to have that genetic outcome. And my partner have the same statistics as you. We’ve decided to also prepare. Imagine if your child had a terminal genetic issue. He bailed on you and your family when it was critical. He’s such a f-ing h**ocrite.

jairatraci −  NTA he tried making you look bad so he didn’t get any s**t and you aren’t putting up with it. It’s not parental alienation if you aren’t telling your child that he is a horrible person. Your child will find that out for themselves as they get older if he doesn’t change his behavior.

Do you think the poster was justified in exposing the messages, or should she have handled the situation privately? What would you have done in her position? Share your thoughts in the comments!