AITA for telling Dad in front of everyone that I don’t want to date family friend’s son because I think he’s manipulating me with his anxiety?

A Reddit user shared an experience involving a family friend, Trey, whose behavior during anxiety episodes at school raised doubts. She noticed Trey had frequent anxiety episodes only in classes where they sat together, often seeking visible sympathy.

Concerned that he might be manipulating her and others, she ended their brief relationship without telling her family. However, at a family dinner, Trey unexpectedly confronted her about the breakup, and in frustration.

She called out his behavior, saying he was using his “anxiety” to manipulate people. This statement led to a tense family dynamic, with her dad and other family members now upset. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for telling Dad in front of everyone that I don’t want to date family friend’s son because I think he’s manipulating me with his anxiety?’

I am on the spectrum so it’s hard for me to tell. My older sister is diagnosed with anxiety. I know anxiety can come in different forms but I believe (& my sister as well) that someone is using their “anxiety” to manipulate me. I am a girl. Guy named Trey is the son of Dad’s friend.

Sometimes he’d come around and we became friends, then he asked me out and we dated for a month. We go to the same school, this is the first year we had classes together. He makes it well known that he has anxiety to me and everyone around us. We have 4 classes together – in 2 we sit at the same table.

Here’s the issue – I suspect that Trey is faking his anxiety or using it as manipulation. In the two classes where we sit close, he always suddenly starts breathing really heavily and working up a worried expression, burying his face in his hands and shaky breath.

It lasts for like 20 seconds, then repeats about 20 mins later. I know to be polite and ask if he’s okay but it just feels very off. From knowing my sister she seems genuinely scared in panic attacks. Trey doesn’t seem scared he just seems… calmer immediately after someone gives him empathy?

Sometimes I even see a smirk. Or he’ll suddenly go into an “anxiety attack”, saying “it feels like the world is caving in” over and over and then… \*RUN\* over to adjacent tables to put his head on their desks and get their sympathy.

Kinda distracting imo but he doesn’t leave until someone asks him if he’s alright. It just is kinda off like usually in anxiety attacks you’d be just trying to get through it so I’d find it hard to immediately think about running to adjacent tables and making it known.

I thought most people don’t want others to know when these panic attacks happen. He keeps doing it more and more, it’s like a daily occurrence by now. He only started after we began dating.

In the two classes we aren’t sitting close, he will never have a single anxiety attack. He’ll be loudly talking to friends. It just is kinda off because his behavior isn’t ever consistent.

Anyways he doesn’t do this anxiety stuff in front of Dad or when we all are together. Guy seems charismatic elsewise, kind and polite. But yeah after a month I felt like he was fishing for attention and sympathy from others so I broke up with him – politely ofc.

I just made some excuse that I wasn’t ready. Needed time to phrase it correctly to Dad so I kept the news to myself. Well our families had dinner together last weekend and in front of everyone Trey asked me why I broke up with him. Huge shock for everyone.

He started accusing me of seeing someone else as the reason since I was “giving him less attention at school” and I didn’t handle this very well but I was embarrassed and mad and impulsively said that it was because he was a dramatic person and manipulating others with his “anxiety.”

Dead silence, awkward drive home. Dad is mad at me, other family is mad at me too. AITA for having this opinion, and AITA for my actions?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Impossible_Rain_4727 −  NTA – I would stop accusing him of faking and just play his game: “I broke up with you because it’s clear that I constantly trigger your anxiety. You are completely fine when I am not around, but whenever I am with you, you have an attack. This type of relationship was never going to work”

EmBZee −  Nope NTA, if dude is gonna ask you that question in front of an audience he was rolling the dice on getting an honest response in front of an audience. He proved your point.

The_T0me −  So let me get this straight. * You were dating a charismatic guy . * He was giving you some solid red flags so you broke up with him. * He called you out in the middle of a social dinner and accused you of cheating .* You were caught of guard and were possibly a bit too honest.

And you’re the one they’re mad at? Honestly, it doesn’t matter if he does have anxiety, accusing you of cheating in front of everyone is like a red tarp it’s such a huge warning sign.

Sure, you could have been more tactful in the situation, but he backed you into a corner. If you have to endure some anger from both families, that’s a small price to pay to avoid what was clearly the wrong relationship for you.. NTA. Be proud of how you stood up for yourself and don’t back down.

Content-Plenty-268 −  NTA. Congratulations on your instincts, very impressive for someone so young. You’ll do all right in life. People will always enable and rise to the defense of a victim-playing d**ma queen and pile on anyone who sees through the d**ma queen and stands up to them. Be prepared for that. It’s not you, it’s them.

Vaaliindraa −  NTA, he is manipulating you.

MercuryRising92 −  NTA – in the future, just use the old “it’s not you, it’s me”, and “you deserve someone who can really love you for yourself.” And “I’m sorry, I just only care for you as a friend, and it’s not fair to you to string you along.”

It was really stupid of him to call you out in front of everyone. And people like that, who try to embarass and manipulate you in front of everyone, only deserve an answer that is good for you, who cares about them.

And tell your dad that you’re just not in to Trey “that way” . While you might go out with someone your dad recommends, you don’t have to continue once you decide you don’t want to date them anymore.

Your dad should be satisfied with just a “I don’t care to go out with him anymore” – you don’t need further reasons or justifications. And as for this young man – point out how he tried to embarass you in front of everyone – very immature and controlling. Who needs that?

[Reddit User] −  NTA at all. You were put in a super uncomfortable situation, and it sounds like you were just trying to handle things as best you could, especially considering how Trey confronted you in front of everyone about something as personal as why you broke up.

That alone is already crossing a line—like, wtf, who does that? Calling someone out in front of family over a breakup isn’t just awkward, it’s straight-up s**tty and m**ipulative. You were on the spot, embarrassed, and understandably frustrated, so you said what you were feeling in the moment.

And honestly, from what you described, your feelings about Trey’s behavior make sense. It’s tough when someone says they have anxiety because you want to be understanding and supportive, but you’ve also noticed a lot of inconsistencies that are raising red flags for you—and for good reason lol!

The fact that he only seems to have these “anxiety attacks” in your shared classes but is totally fine in others, or when he’s with your dad and family, is… well, suspicious to say the least??

Anxiety doesn’t usually work like that, and while it’s possible for anxiety to manifest differently in different situations, the fact that he seems to smirk or fish for attention makes it feel more like a performance than a genuine struggle.

That’s not to say he doesn’t ever experience anxiety, but it sounds like he’s using it as a way to control or guilt you into giving him attention. It’s also super telling that your sister, who has anxiety, agrees with your suspicions.

Having someone close to you who actually deals with this kind of thing on a daily basis means you’re not just jumping to conclusions. You’ve got lived experience from watching her go through it, and you’ve noticed that Trey’s behavior doesn’t add up.

The way Trey put you on the spot, making it seem like you were in the wrong for not giving him enough attention, is a ridiculously large red flag. Relationships shouldn’t involve someone constantly trying to guilt or manipulate you into giving them what they want, and that’s exactly what it sounds like he was doing.

He didn’t ask why you broke up in private, he ambushed you in front of both families—probably thinking he could force you into a corner to get the answer he wanted. So honestly, the fact that you spoke your truth in that moment isn’t something you should beat yourself up over.

Sure, it created an awkward situation, but it was already awkward the moment he started accusing you in front of everyone.
As for your dad and family being mad, they’re probably just reacting to the awkwardness of the whole thing and don’t fully understand what’s been going on with Trey at school.

It maybe would help to sit down with your dad and explain your side—how you’ve been noticing these weird patterns in Trey’s behavior, and how it feels like he’s manipulating you with his anxiety.

You’re not dismissing his mental health struggles, you’re just recognizing when something doesn’t feel genuine. In the end, you’re not the a**hole here. You noticed something off, you set boundaries by breaking up with Trey, and you were put on the spot in front of your entire family.

You’ve got every right to be honest about what you’re feeling, and hopefully, your dad will come around and understand that you’re just trying to protect yourself from someone who wasn’t treating you right.

algunarubia −  NTA. He’s the one who put you on the spot and asked why you broke up with him in front of everyone, it’s not your fault that you just blurted out your honest opinion. I think you should show what you wrote here to your dad. Hopefully that will help him be a little more objective about the situation.

Ok_Homework_7621 −  NTA
The way he set you up confirms the manipulation. He’s malicious on top of it, calculating his moment to get you in trouble. Be very careful, move away from him in class and document any further attempts, even if just talking to somebody at school, the school counsellor or similar. Just in case.

ImaginationGood1498 −  You can break up with anyone over any reason, even no reason at all and you owe them nothing, not even the slightest explanation if you don’t want to…

Do you think the user was justified in confronting Trey about his behavior, or was it too harsh to do so in front of everyone? How would you handle a situation where a friend’s behavior seems inconsistent or manipulative? Share your thoughts below!