AITA for telling coworker they hurt my feelings calling me wrong name constantly?

A Redditor shared their frustration after a coworker repeatedly called them by the wrong name, even after months of working together. Feeling hurt, they addressed it directly, only to be told they were insensitive since the coworker was grieving the recent loss of their father. Now, the Redditor wonders if they overreacted in the situation. Read the full story below to understand the dynamics and decide for yourself.

‘ AITA for telling coworker they hurt my feelings calling me wrong name constantly?’

My name is Veronica. I get called Victoria constantly- to the point I know people mean me when they say “hey Victoria”. People will misread my name even at the dr office etc. I feel like this is why everyone typically calls me V or a shortened version of my name.

I smile and correct people normally when they call me Victoria. It’s happening so often lately that it’s starting to really get to me. Four times today alone I was called Victoria. Number of times my actual full name was used? Maybe 1-2 times.

One of the biggest culprits is a co worker of 8 months Im friendly with. The second time today alone he called me Victoria, I shook my head and told him, “It really hurts my feelings that you can’t remember my name or even to just call me Ronnie or V. . Even the employees who’ve been here 2-3 weeks call me Miss V or Ronnie.” It just got to me, to the point I was genuinely hurt; so I went into the break room to make myself a mug of tea and compose myself. It makes me feel as if I’m so irrelevant my name doesn’t matter.

When I got back to my desk, our other coworker was upset. They told me “I can’t believe you did that- he just buried his father!” She pointed out that literally no one in the office calls her by her real name- true but it’s cute derivatives of her actual name- like Hannie Bananie.

As someone who’s lost a parent I definitely understand mourning, however it’s been a month since the funeral. The guy I got upset with was giving me the stink eye the rest of the day. I was blunt and impatient when I spoke to him, but I didn’t raise my voice at all.

When I told my husband he told me I was wrong and should let it go, since half the time I’m called my pen name anyway (I am never actually called by my pen name ftr and never IRL. Just online). AITA because he just lost his dad and use a pen name online?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

DogsReadingBooks −  NTA. He’s chosen to not bother to learn your name. His parent dying is totally irrelevant.

Particular-Lime1651 −  Ooohhh I’ve got a good solution for you V!. People do that with my name too… The solution is simple, Don’t call them by their name. If he is called Harry, call him John, or hammish. Call him any other name, but his(or hers). When people push back, say “ohh I’m sorry, I didn’t realise names matter? As you consistently don’t call me by name?” I trained someothis way.. It took 3 hours.. Nta btw.

Aware_Welcome_8866 −  NTA. I think most people prefer to be called their actual name. As someone who is mourning the loss of her father more than a year later, one month is a second in the span of grief. But when is it going to be a good time to tell him? 2 months after? Six? A year? And listen to him calling you Victoria all this time? You did not mean to hurt him. You could always tell him you’re sorry you were short tempered.

Individual_Ad_9213 −  NTA. It’s just a basic courtesy to learn a colleague’s name.

Expensive-Wish799 −  NTA, grieving doesn’t excuse s**tty behavior, it may explain it. Going forward however I’d advise you to not enable the others as much. Just don’t react when someone says Victoria. It’s not your name and you do NOT have to answer just because they are ignorant. When they get annoyed, you just tell them ‘Oh I didn’t know you were talking to me since you didn’t bother to use my name’. Stop being nice to people who don’t treat you nicely.

GingerWhoDrinksTea −  NTA. After 8 months he should know your name. All you did was tell him it bothers you he won’t use your actual name. As for the coworker’s comment, why does it matter that his dad just passed away???

Rohini_rambles −  Unless he also called his father by the wrong ame repeatedly, it’s not relevant  he can admit tto not knowing your name,, or to jot caring to use the correct one. His loss doesn’t affect that because it preceded the dad’s  d**th. 

TeenySod −  NTA. I’m afraid your husband is though for purely not getting it. If this is happening this often at work then I would have a chat with your supervisor/manager about strategies that you will be using to handle it (including – if necessary – blatantly ignoring people who can’t use your correct name after being told nicely and bluntly). If supervisor/manager thinks this is a small thing and shouldn’t get to you, they should try sleeping with a mosquito in the room, or the sound of a dripping tap….

Natural_Garbage7674 −  NTA. I’m terrible with names. But I make the effort to learn my coworkers names. If I accidentally call them the wrong thing (which happens occasionally) I apologise immediately and make sure the next time I don’t do it again. After 8 months? He’s entrenched your name in his mind as Victoria. It’s going to take real effort for him to unlearn the automatic nature of calling you the wrong name.

As far as his father dying? It might be poor timing this time, but what’s his excuse for the other 30 weeks he’s known you? And your coworker that isn’t called by her name? You have nicknames, too. And he *isn’t using them*. If she doesn’t like being called what people call her she needs to address it. Just like you did.

Rude-Moment-3970 −  NTA. His parents were alive and kicking when you introduced yourself 8 months ago. He should have learned it by now.