AITA for telling a student I’m not sure if she can have a Quince?

A Reddit user recounts a tense interaction at work after a young student asked whether she could have a Quinceañera, a traditional Latin American celebration. Unsure of the cultural nuances, the user gave an honest “I don’t know” response.

However, the child’s mother took offense, accusing the teacher of crushing her daughter’s dreams and escalating the issue to the principal. Now, the user wonders if their response was inappropriate. Read the full story below!

‘ AITA for telling a student I’m not sure if she can have a Quince?’

I work with children, I have for over 10 years ranging from newborn to high school. I had two students (aged around 4-5) talking to another student about how her sister had a Quince, this is how the conversation went. A (who is Mexican): my sister had her Quince last week and it was so pretty and I can’t wait for mine.

B (who is African American): oh that sounds so cool I wanna have one too. A: I don’t know if you can, I don’t know anyone else who have Quinces. B: why not? I wanna have one too *turns to me* Ms. can I have a Quince too? Me (African-American: *not knowing the answer* I am not sure sweetheart I can’t give a clear answer cause I don’t know.

The next day B’s mom storms up to me yelling saying how dare I tell her daughter she can’t have a Quince, and I just said I am not sure as I’m not sure culturally or anything about them so I can’t say yes or no. The mom then complained to the principal about it saying I’m “crushing her daughters dreams”. AITA?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Scrabblement −  NTA, but: “Ask your parents.” That’s your line. Kids that age often hear “I don’t know” as “no” (or as “yes.”) But they know what “ask your parents” means. This is 100% a parent question.

Initial_Ad_6933 −  NTA The parent sounds exhausting.

NomadicusRex −  How can you have 10 years of experience dealing with kids without learning to say “that’s not up to me, that’s up to your parents”, or “ask your parents”, or something similar? NTA because dang, that parent sounds exhausting, but you could have avoided this.

Small-Steak −  NTA. Also, at first my dumb ass thought this was about the fruit quince and didn’t get why a fruit caused drama.

SigSauerPower320 −  NTA. You didn’t technically answer the question, so the mom’s reaction is way out of line and quite dramatic, IMO. She had no reason to even confront you over it. She could have easily addressed it with her kid. No one’s dreams were crushed. Just a mother overreacting and making a big deal out of nothing.

Personally, I’d say ANYONE that wants to have one of those parties is welcome to have one. People need to get over themselves and learn that no one race/religion/culture OWNS something. So if you wanna have Taco Tuesday, have at it.

If your neighbor, an Irishmen wants to have dreads, go for it!!! My black cousin can join a bagpipe band, my daughter can have a quinceanera, and my boss is welcome to wear women’s clothes… None of this really affects anyone else. If anything, be flattered that they are celebrating your culture!

Individual_Ad_9213 −  NTA. You answered honestly; but she heard something other than your intent. And her mother took it way out into left field. Next time that you are asked a question to which you do not know the answer, answer the way that husbands have been answering since the beginning of time: “I don’t know. Ask your mother.”

Salt_Remote_6340 −  NTA. I don’t know why a lot of people in the comments are doing the same thing the mom did and interpreting “I don’t know” as “no you can’t”. You didn’t say she couldn’t!

PraxicalExperience −  Jesus christ this was so confusing. It took three read-throughs before I realized you were shortening the name of the party, and wondering why there was all this drama about fruit.

SuperPookypower −  I don’t see how saying “I don’t know” is crushing anyone’s dreams. It seems like mom was being unreasonably aggressive. NTA

k_princess −  NTA. You didn’t know the answer, and said so. How the student took that and went and cried to mommy is on them.
And for reference, Quinces are traditionally a Mexican/Latin American thing. It’s a big fancy party where the girl is announced and celebrated with specific traditions and such.

That said, anybody who wants to rent out a venue, dress up, and provide food for 100s of people is welcome to do it. But it would look badly for them to call it a Quince and not do all the traditional things because they are not of the culture.

Maybe next time, encourage the student to do some research in an effort to learn about it. Edit: In my haste I did not see the children are 4-5. I was thinking they were closer to 13 or 14. So my suggestion of researching would not be appropriate for that age group.

Was the teacher’s neutral response an appropriate way to handle a culturally sensitive question, or could it have been handled differently to avoid misunderstanding? How do you think educators should navigate cultural conversations with young children? Share your opinions below!