AITA for telling a mom that I don’t care about her daughter being dumped by my son?

A Redditor shares their interaction with the mother of their son’s ex-girlfriend. After their son, Dylan, broke up with Melanie (his high school girlfriend), Melanie’s mom reached out, asking the Redditor to address how Dylan hurt her daughter. The Redditor stood firm, saying Dylan didn’t owe an apology for wanting to end the relationship, and that high school breakups are normal. When the conversation escalated, they bluntly told the mother they didn’t care about her or her daughter’s feelings. Read the full story below and weigh in.

‘ AITA for telling a mom that I don’t care about her daughter being dumped by my son?’

My son Dylan dated “Melanie” since the 10th grade. They are now juniors. Dylan dumped her last week and Melanie took it hard. I got a text yesterday from Melanie’s mom to call her. She wanted me to bring back Melanie’s sweater that she left at our house a couple of weeks ago. I said sure. I told her she could pick it up.

The mom came and said that I should talk to Dylan about how much he hurt Melanie. Melanie was very attached to my son and my son broke up with her in the “wrong way.”

I told her I wasn’t talking to my son about anything. They’re high schoolers and stuff like this happens all the time and Melanie isn’t special. My son doesn’t owe you or Melanie an apology for not wanting to date her anymore.
Dylan wasn’t mean about it. He just said that he didn’t want to be in a relationship because he wanted to spend more time with his friends. The mom said that was bs. I said I don’t care. He doesn’t need a reason. It’s none of your business.

She asked me if I cared about how my son treated his girlfriends. I said do you care how your daughter treat their boyfriends? She said it was different. I told her I had nothing left to say except I don’t care about her or her daughter. Edit: Not that it matters, but I’m not the mom.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

WillLoveCoffee4Ever1 −  So NTA, but that woman is! If he mistreated her during the relationship, then that should be the issue, but this woman is saying your son mistreated her, BECAUSE he dumped her! This woman needs to talk to HER daughter and teach her she can’t have everything in life and there will be times where she will be hurt and disappointed and this is one of those times.

Sounds like she spoils her daughter so much, that she’ll do anything to appease her, even attempt to force a reconciliation. Your son made a choice for himself, and if Melanie and her mother don’t like it, too bad.

Cakeliesx −  I’m gonna say NTA if I understand correctly. It sounds like the gf mom said that his reason (wishing to spend time with his friends) was bs.  But if that is the reason he gave, then to me it sounds like he was kind and you are right, he doesn’t have to defend his reason.

Now if she was actually claiming  that that the the bs was that he was intentionally cruel in some way, I’d give her a listen and get a fuller account and consider telling your son what she claimed and see how he reacted Sometimes teenagers DO need to be reminded to be kind and treat people well. But people have every right to breakup with their gf/bf’s and at that age it’s gonna happen.  And from what you have said, it sounds like the gf and her mom need to learn that lesson. 

curiousr_nd_curiousr −  I’m torn between ESH and N A H. Every parent does it differently, and as soon as you start offering unsolicited advice or criticisms you wander into AH territory, like Melanie’s mom seems to have in your eyes. You can’t blame her for wanting the best for her daughter, just like you want for your son. Doesn’t give her the right to tell you how to raise your kid.

That being said Teenagers can be cruel, and not completely honest with their parents. You don’t necessarily know the whole story, your son might have omitted details to you, or it’s possible Melanie exaggerated details with her mom out of hurt, or even vis versa. You’re both acting off the info you have.

If you do happen to know that Dylan wasn’t a great boyfriend, or that he didn’t exactly treat her well in how he handled the breakup, it wouldn’t necessarily be wrong to kindly talk to him about it. It might be an annoyance for him now, but his future relationships might benefit.

asoneloves −  I mean, you’re NTA for high schoolers breaking up, whatever. But, you’re a total a**hole for how you spoke to another parent, the parent of a girl your son was dating. You just seem like you’re an a**hole in general from this honestly.

SingleAlfredoFemale −  You really need to work on your empathy in general, and choosing your words. You seriously said your son “dumped” his girlfriend? That’s harsh. And you told a woman her daughter “isn’t special?” I mean, do you actually think before you speak, or do you just let mean things come out of your mouth as soon as they pop in your head? Other people have feelings.

If your son learned this from you, then I can totally see him being very rude in the breakup. There’s a difference between, “I miss seeing my friends, and I don’t want to be in a romantic relationship right now,” and “I’m wasting all my time doing stupid stuff with you, and I never see my friends. I’m dumping you.”. Words matter.

Elliskarae −  I feel like something just doesn’t add up. The other mom is in protective mode (and yeah, being a bit of an AH telling you what to do) because her daughter has probably come home crying her eyes out and showed her certain texts or things about how it happened. For whatever reason, the mom is convinced that your son was out of line in his behaviour. That should at least spark a curiosity to where you chat to him and inquire more.

Your indifference to the feelings and behaviour of young impressionable teens and your lack of interest in helping them navigate emotional situations is kind of worrying. Telling someone’s mom her daughter “isn’t special” shows a lot about you imo. ESH. She may have been an ass, but you were a bigger one.

wannabyte −  Info – did it occur to you to ask more about how exactly he broke up with her that was the “wrong way”? Or did you just dismiss her out of hand as you state in the post? They dated for a year ish? That is a long time at that age. And you don’t know her or care about her at all? You told her mom she’s not special? ETA – just based on your comments I’m going to go ahead and label this as YTA. I have no doubt your son picked up some toxic ideas about women from you if you think rape is comparable to credit card debt.

happymom-2 −  You don’t owe the mom anything but I would be curious about how he hurt the gf. If mom is calling BS, I might have been tempted to hear a little more. Your son has every right to call it off, not arguing that. But when our kids are very young we check in and make sure they are kind to their friends.

As they get older, still good to confirm they’re being kind in their friendships/relationships and also that others are kind to them. If all he did was end it, directly, clearly and her feelings are hurt… well that’s clearly pain of ending a relationship. But if he did something malicious and or purposefully cruel, as a teenage boy mom, I want to know. No free passes to mistreat people.

Maybe a confrontation at the front door over a sweater is not a good time; she probably could have called or articulated the details of said “malicious hurt” before suggesting you talk to him. And she should have responded “yes she cares how her daughter treats her boyfriends”. Because she absolutely should.

POP-RAVEN −  Idk from your post it seems the woman is more frustrated about how your son went about dumping her than the fact he did it at all. If he did it in a unnecessarily mean way then yeah sure there’s something to talk to him about here but if he did it respectfully (as respectfully as an highschooler does) then nothing to be mad about.

Effective_being08 −  Honestly I would dig deeper and ask “ what do you mean?” Because kids be out here lying and playin and he could have really done a fucked up thing but you wouldn’t know because you shut it down so harshly.