AITA for telling a guy with autism off because he wouldn’t stop talking about something he knows nothing about?

A Redditor (29F) recounts an awkward encounter with a person (K) on the autism spectrum at a casual language lesson. K repeatedly challenged her expertise in her field, leading to an uncomfortable confrontation. After she snapped at him, K threatened to report her to her university. Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for telling a guy with autism off because he wouldn’t stop talking about something he knows nothing about?’

I (29f) am three years into my PhD. I have published many papers and been a co author of even more. I’ve done field studies and teach at a uni. Basically, I know my field. I speak a few langues and teach a group of people outside of work. We meet up once a week and talk in that language. We are all friends and it’s very casual.

Last week one person of the group asked if they could bring a mate (K) from work who’s interested in the language too. She said that her mate is on the spectrum and that he might not know when to stop talking. I said bring him along and we’ll see how he fits in.

The actual lesson went well and I think we were all happy. Usually some people stick around for a bit after and we just have a few drinks. This is when it started. As it turns out K is interested in my field of study. He asked me some questions and I was happy to answer.

But then it started getting weird. He kept arguing with me and “correcting” me, telling me what I apparently misunderstood and so on. It was quite awkward and my other friends tried to gently let him know that he was probably out of line.

He kept asking me about my opinion on studies and papers but in an aggressive almost questioning way. The last straw was when he told me that I misinterpreted the findings of a study that I was a co author of. I was sick of it and said “listen buddy,

I know you think that you know everything about this field but if you had actually bothered to read who “et al” is then you’d know that I wrote this f**king paper so please just shut up” not my proudest moment I admit but at this point he’d been trying to “beat me” for over 30 minutes. He left after that but later messaged me that he’d inform my uni of my discriminatory behaviour towards people with autism.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

ajlyall −  NTA. Definitely NTA. How can he have read the papers and said you misinterpreted the findings when you helped make the conclusions? Some people need a reality check. Also out of curiosity, what subject was it?

VirtualEconomy −  He left after that but later messaged me that he’d inform my uni of my discriminatory behaviour towards people with autism.
LOL. NTA. He’s using autism as a shield against his bad behavior

[Reddit User] −  Some people with autism don’t heed social cues about when it might be best to stop talking. From the way you described his ability to ask questions and ‘correct’ you, I’d wager he’s a high-functioning autistic like me.

If you haven’t had to interact with many autistic people before, I’d say you handled it just fine. If I were in your position, I might reply with “I potentially could have phrased it better but I stand by my reaction.”. TL;DR – NTA

Ioa_3k −  As someone who has a relative with low-functioning autism, I am so fed up with high-functioning people using autism as an excuse to be dickholes.

If you’re high-functioning enough to be out and about having drinks with people you just met and arguing with them over their own field of expertise, you’re high-functioning enough to keep your ass in line or at least not complain when you’re told to sit down and shut up…

not_really_an_elf −  I (29f). Wonder if this had anything to do with it? Oh and for reference I’m a woman with ASD. ASD can make it harder to understand social cues. This is not that. If he’s able to debate linguistics, he’s perfectly capable of understanding when he’s *explicitly told* to cut it out.

Swarzsinne −  NTA, out of curiosity what’s your field of study?

syphone −  NTA. Have the group/witnesses write down their version of what happened. If he truly wants to actually “report” you to your uni then you’re gonna need some backup.

He’s the major AH if he has to go tattle on you for a disagreement he was pushing for. The group even said he was out of line. They should know that their teacher/friend possibly will be getting in trouble because they invited him.

nazmattics −  NTA, he might be on the spectrum but people with autism can be really high functioning and its not a one case fits all. As a rule of thumb, unless your talking severe cases, most people with autism can have rational and reasonable conversations about topics their passionate about.

Don’t mind my saying but I know people without autism that seem to think they know alot more than they do. Maybe I’m wrong but I think this has more to do with his personality than autism alone?

Either way NTA because at the end of the day, when speaking to a professional, don’t offer your two bit advise and expect it to have any real relevance unless you can justify it. Especially don’t disagree with the experts just for the sake of conversation.

jam_jj_ −  As an autistic woman I’d say NTA. Just a bit of background information, autistic people often sound ‘rude’ and like they’re antagonising you – we can’t always control our voice and we like to play devil’s advocate to explore different ideas.

A lot of autistic people take things at face value – we care about the topic and often forget about the social implications of our words. We give monologues about things we’re interested in not to show off but to share our excitement.

And we get rejected a lot, so can be sensitive. That said, this guy sounds like an a**hole. Autism and assholery aren’t mutually exclusive. It’s good to be direct with autistics, but maybe in a less aggressive way (as they might not have been aware of how they come across).

Educational_Mind9734 −  NTA. I’m sick of people using their disabilities as excuses to berate and belittle and even abuse people. We need to stop letting people with intellectual or mental health disorders think they can do what they want because of it. As someone with two mental health disorders, I ha e never used them as an excuse for my behavior. I own up to my mess ups.

Navigating challenging social dynamics with sensitivity is key, especially when communicating with people on the autism spectrum. Do you think the Redditor’s response was justified, or did she let frustration get the better of her? Share your thoughts below!