AITA for telling a guy what I do for work and letting him pay for my drinks during the whole evening?

A Reddit user shared their experience at a board game bar with their friend Grace, her boyfriend, and a new acquaintance named Nick. During the evening, Nick insisted on paying for the user’s drinks despite not knowing her job. When he discovered she is a software engineer, he became upset, accusing her of intentionally misleading him.

Now, Grace and her boyfriend are siding with Nick, saying the user should have revealed her job earlier. To find out more about how the situation unfolded, read the full story below…

‘ AITA for telling a guy what I do for work and letting him pay for my drinks during the whole evening?’

My friend “Grace” invited me to a board game bar to play and have drinks with her, her boyfriend and one of their friend’s “Nick”. We went to get drinks in pairs, Grace going with her boyfriend, meanwhile Nick and I stayed at the table and vice versa. So Nick and I had plenty of time to talk just the two of us.

Nick started the night by telling about his recent career change, he decided to quit his previous job, go to a coding bootcamp and he got a job as a developer one or two months ago. He was very proud of himself and his new salary and told me this multiple times.

He never asked me what I do for work, but talked about his new job quite a lot, occasionally saying “sorry, you don’t understand that, haha”. During the entire evening, I never told him I has been working as a software engineer for the past 4 years, because he never asked and honestly, I found it a bit entertaining.

When it came to the drinks, he invited me to every single one. “Don’t worry about it, it’s not a problem with my devoper salary.” I told him multiple times he doesn’t have to pay for me, but he insisted. At the end of the night, when we were saying our goodbyes, he took out his phone to send me a friend request on Facebook.

My job is listed in my profile, so that was when he realized that I’m software engineer. He asked me if it’s true that I’m a software engineer and I answered yes. He asked me why I haven’t told him, why did I let him believe I was a cashier like Grace used to be (?? I never implied that), and why did I let him pay for everything when I probably earn more than him.

I told him that he never once asked and it was his fault he assumed. He could have simply asked me about my job, but he only wanted to brag about his. But if he wants me to, I can pay him back for the drinks. He was a angry and said I made a fool out of him. I think he did that, not me.

But now Grace and her boyfriend are on his side too, saying that it would’ve cost me nothing to tell him early in the evening and I only kept it for myself for my own entertainment. Well, I did find it entertaining, but I don’t really feel like I did anything wrong. AITA?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

laffy4444 −  He never asked me what I do for work, but talked about his new job quite a lot, occasionally saying “sorry, you don’t understand that, haha”.. This, right here. NTA.

FedeRreal −  NTA He wanted to brag and he was a bit sexist, he deserved this lesson

TaxiJab −  Not only are you NTA, you’re an absolute f**king LEGEND 🤣 Edit: holy shitballs guys, thanks for the awards!

[Reddit User] −  Nick was bragging. You played along with it. It probably never occurred to him that women can be software engineers. It was probably quite entertaining, although you probably wouldn’t want him as a boyfriend.. NTA.

Aradene −  NTA. You didn’t ask him to pay for your drinks, and you did tell him he didn’t have to. He insisted. He was sexist in assuming that you didn’t have a job that would leave you comfortable (especially comfortable enough to buy your own drinks!). He was bragging and showing off – only to learn he was making a fool of himself.

ElvisCresposblanket −  NTA. He wanted to flaunt his career and money, but it backfired because he never bothered to ask about you.

Wild_Exit_5925 −  NTA NTA NTA NTA! As a female software engineer myself, I love this soo much. Would love to do this to all of the men who are always surprised that I’m a software engineer

tatasz −  NTA He assumed things and made a fool of himself.

gover2087 −  NTA- In his mind, he’s on a pedestal higher than every one he knows and got pissed once he found out you’re on a higher one. He insisted on buying you the drinks and you even offered to pay him back after the fact.

You’re not obligated to tell him anything and you weren’t keeping him a secret. He would’ve found out your job had he hopped off his ego trip for a second, show some interest in you and let you speak.

R3dl8dy −  NTA I have a few narcissistic relatives like him. They will _never_ ask about anyone else. They may politely wait through you volunteering information, but they won’t ask. Because they don’t care. Last month I called my cousin to tell him that my mom had passed, his “favorite aunt,” according to him.

He asked zero questions about her passing. Instead, he spent the entire call ranting about the government screwing him over and withholding his Covid check for no reason. Some people are so narcissistic, they don’t even know they are supposed to, at least, feign interest in others. They can’t even fake it.

Don’t worry about your friends. They should count themselves lucky you were amused by his total lack of interest instead of being angry/pissed off by his narcissistic, misogynistic BS.