AITA for taking my son on two trips out of the country next year?

Navigating the delicate balance between co-parenting and making personal memories for your child can be incredibly challenging. In this story, a 38-year-old father explains how planning two international trips with his 11‑year‑old son for 2025 has sparked tension with his ex-wife.

After their separation in 2022 and official divorce in January 2024, he’s been actively involved in his son’s life—paying child support and making efforts to create meaningful experiences. Last summer, he took his son to Cancun, ensuring his ex-wife could also join if she wished. Now, two exciting opportunities have arisen: a nine-day trip to Switzerland in February and a three‑week excursion to Japan in the summer.

Although he claims to have discussed these plans with his ex-wife and obtained her consent, she now contends that she wasn’t properly consulted, feeling hurt that she cannot afford to make such trips herself. She’s upset that he is “rubbing it in her face” by making memories with their son.

Caught between her financial limitations and his desire to create lasting experiences with their child, he wonders if he’s being unreasonable for moving forward with the trips. Is he the asshole for taking their son on these international adventures without fully accommodating his ex-wife’s input?

‘ AITA for taking my son on two trips out of the country next year?’

Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist who specializes in family dynamics and co-parenting, explains, “When parents navigate post-divorce relationships, especially when it comes to planning experiences for their children, clear and consistent communication is key. If one party feels left out or financially constrained, it can lead to feelings of resentment that are compounded by past financial struggles.”

She continues, “In this scenario, the father appears to have taken steps to ensure his ex-wife’s input by discussing the trips beforehand. However, if there is a breakdown in communication or a perception of inequity—especially regarding financial contributions—it’s natural for the other party to feel hurt. The emotional weight of creating memories with their child should be a shared endeavor, and when it isn’t, it can lead to conflicts that feel personal rather than logistical.”

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman adds, “Family events, especially those involving travel and significant expenses, require negotiation and compromise. It is crucial that both parents feel their voices are heard. When one partner feels that the other is making unilateral decisions, it undermines the cooperative spirit needed in co-parenting. A mediation process or regular, documented discussions might help prevent misunderstandings and foster a more balanced approach.”

Both experts agree that while the father’s intentions to build memories with his son are commendable, the perception that these opportunities are being taken away from the ex-wife—and thus from her chance to be involved—raises important questions about fairness and communication in co-parenting.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Several redditors expressed support for his decision. One user commented, “If you’ve discussed these trips and got her consent, then you’re in the clear. Creating memories with your child isn’t something you should sacrifice just because she can’t afford the plane ticket.”

Another group shared personal experiences, with one commenter stating, “I’ve been in similar situations where co-parenting agreements get muddled. If you’ve done your due diligence and involved her in the planning, then you’re not the asshole. It’s about making the most of your time with your kid.”