AITA for taking my son on two trips out of the country next year?

A Reddit user is questioning whether they’re in the wrong for planning two international trips with their 11-year-old son in 2025: a 9-day trip to Switzerland in February and a 3-week trip to Japan in the summer. While their ex-wife initially agreed to these plans, she now feels upset, claiming it’s unfair that the user gets to create special memories with their son while she cannot afford similar experiences. The user offered to cover most expenses for her to join, excluding plane tickets, but this has only added to her frustration. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for taking my son on two trips out of the country next year?’

My ex wife and I separated in 2022 and divorced officially in Jan 2024. Our son was 9 when it started. He is 11 now. I pay child support, etc and help her more when I can. I took my son to Cancun this past summer and I paid for most of it so that she could come too. Now for 2025, two opportunities presented themselves for me to take my son to Switzerland in February for 9 days, and then Japan in the summer for 3 weeks.

I’ve talked about it with her and made sure she was good with it and she was, but now she’s recalling that I just told her it’s what was happening and didn’t consult her. That isn’t true because I wouldn’t take our son to these places without her consent.

Anyways, we just got off the phone where she was crying because I get to make all of these memories with our son and she can’t because she can’t afford to. I offered to make sure she had a place to stay and food if she wanted to come, and activities while there, but I just wouldn’t get the plane ticket. She got upset because she can’t afford to buy the plane ticket either.

The way she summarized it all made it seem like I am an a-hole for doing these things and “rubbing it in her face.” I’m not trying to rub anything in her face but I do bring up questions about the trips (like Switzerland) because it’s happening soon and I want her opinions on stuff for him, clothing to buy him, and what is she ok with him doing or not doing.

The biggest upset she has about Switzerland is that he misses 9 days of school but we talked about that and agreed it was ok, but she seems to be backtracking. I’ve communicated with his school and teacher and made sure they are aware. He is already making all As in his classes and he’s in gifted so I’m not worried about him falling behind.

Obviously I should make sure I have her permission for big trips like this and I really believe we already talked and discussed these trips which is why I bought tickets and planned it all. I don’t know maybe I didn’t or maybe she doesn’t remember. I don’t have old texts to recall. Should I just not involve her in anything regarding these trips and am I an a**hole for taking our son without her?

Edit: going to Switzerland because I had a lot of flight credits that needed to be used for a flight before Mar 1,2025. I planned to visit my sister again in Ireland, but we saw flights were stupid cheap to Switzerland so we booked that. It’ll be a chance for my son to see his aunt after 4 years.

We are going to Japan because my son asked me to. He showed a lot of interest in it, and I get stupidly large bonuses each year that I’ve used for these trips. I figured it’d be a fun trip to take before he goes to middle school.
I grew up on a farm off a dirt road in South Georgia. Never traveled until I was I was 20. I want my son to experience the world much earlier because I think it’ll help shape his outlook on life.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Lightixer −  NTA. When you told about the opportunity, she could have said no right then. Also I’m assuming she has primary custody, so this is your opportunity to make memories with him especially after the divorce. I’m sure he’s having a hard time not being able to make as many memories with you as her. You can just say that to her, I don’t get as many opportunities after the divorce because of this, so this is my chance to spend special time with him etc.

CommunityDefiant4292 −  NTA . You are divorced. So your son gets to experience different things from both parents!  Stop rubbing in though , like asking stuff he needs for the trip  You kid is 11yo , he’s old enough to know what he needs . And google the packing list !  Make sure he does a scrapbook of the trips  That he can show his mom – family when they ask about the trip. And keep it lowkey with gifts for Christmas/ Bdays …. The trips were the gifts ! 

Grouchy-Mulberry-339 −  NTA: For the future it sounds like it would be good to make sure big decisions are corroborated with an email or text, but this sounds like it was discussed ahead of time.

These trips sound like something your son will enjoy, especially if he requested the trip to Japan. If she wants to reframe it she can be happy that he gets to experience these things, and that he has a father who cares about him. If she can’t afford to do the same, she can realize that memories built with your son are not dependent on being overseas. Some of my family’s best bonding times with the kids were “staycations”.

It sounds to me like what is bothering her may go beyond these specific trips. It sounds like she’s operating with a tighter budget than she did when she was married to you, and maybe she’s struggling with lack of support or loneliness too. For the sake of making sure your son is in a stable environment, it might be worth a larger, sympathetic, conversation about how things are going for her. You’re not responsible for her life now, post-divorce, but having some understanding of what she’s going through is a good idea.

CartoonistPrize8186 −  NTA. There are many ways you can build memories with your child and your ex needs to focus on what she can afford to do, rather than feel hard done by. Her son isn’t going to love her less because she couldn’t take him on international travel, but I can’t say the same if she deprives him of some amazing adventures and time with his father.

elsie78 −  NTA. From now on text so you get her permission in writing. Also, stop asking her about clothes to buy, activities for him etc because that DOES seem like you’re rubbing it in her fact l face, or you’re incapable of making decisions on your own.

Lula_mlb −  NTA. She is being selfish… what is her stance here? Either you pay for 100% of her vacations or you should deny your child vacation opportunities? You have already been generous offering to partially cover her expenses. You are divorced, you are no longer responsible for her expenses beyond what the courts define in your settlement. If she starts to get difficult, you need to go the legal path. Get things approved and in writing to avoid the back and forward.

missdeb99912 −  You guys need to have a mediation and put things in writing (emails). It’s sort of like you’re maybe back in the habit of communicating like you’re married. She’s obviously going to be a bit jealous, and you shouldn’t be bringing her along on these trips — that’s weird. Your son needs to start seeing you guys as divorced.

Lunar-Eclipse0204 −  NTA – but make sure you keep track of everything, even get her approval via text and such so she can’t find a way to turn things on your courtwise… Have fun though – it’s not your problem she can’t afford things like this.