AITA For taking my kids back home with me, from my parents house after they violated; the one simple rule I gave them.?
A Redditor shares a story about how they took their kids home after their parents violated a single boundary they set before visiting. The boundary was simple: the Redditor didn’t want their kids meeting a specific abusive side of the family. When that rule was broken just two hours after arriving, they packed up and left. Was this an overreaction, or were they justified in protecting their children? Read the full story below.
‘ AITA For taking my kids back home with me, from my parents house after they violated; the one simple rule I gave them.?’
I’m writing this on a throwaway account for personal reason. In March of 2022 my parents reached out to me saying that they wanted to meet my daughters, Angela and Julianne (f**e names) both 9, IVF twins.
I agreed to it, on the condition that I didn’t want them to meet my aunt’s family. Because growing up with them, they were incredibly a**sive and neglectful to me when I had to live them. We’re talking about some really a**sive things, physical and emotional.
I’ll give you one example, in 1997 my aunt took my brother’s asthma inhaler and wouldn’t give it back to him because he wouldn’t share his cookies with her daughter. We’re talking about a woman who at the time was in her mid-late 20s, doing this to a 7 year old boy.
I have my lawyer write up a contract, it wasn’t legally binding it was entirely symbolic. But it made the terms clear, I’ll fly with them over from Seattle to Albuquerque during Spring break and Summer break. As long as these people are not introduced to them or anywhere near the property under any circumstance.
I reserve the right to never bring kids back here if you violate this one rule. She signed it and I plan the trip. I tell my daughters, who these people are. Why I don’t like them, and to tell me if they meet them. I treat my kids like they can understand things, if they have questions, I try and explain to them to the best of my abilities.
Well, we make the flight down there and head to their home. We’re there for about an 2 hours when I here the doorbell go off. Well guess who it is? My aunts family and they’re standing around laughing pretending like I don’t like them and we’ve just always gotten along. I look at my mom and say. Me: “Why did you invite them?”. Mom: “Well they’re family?”
Me: “They’re your family. Angela and Julianne, we’re going home.” The girls hadn’t unpacked their things yet so they go and get them, I grab my belongings and start making my way out. With my mom, break down and begging me not to go.
Trying to guilt trip me, “Really you actually meant it?” “I can’t believe you.” Meanwhile my aunt and her family default start making judgmental comments saying that I’m ungrateful, blah, blah if you’ve dealt with a**sive people, you know they’re not particularly original and always default to victimization.
Since then I haven’t responded to their messages and phone calls, I blocked them and instructed my kids to block them anywhere they could to which they have been compliant, not before asking me for the latest NewJeans merch of course. My brother came by of 2 weeks ago, and he spoke to me very calmly and was trying to get me budge.
I told. “I gave them one rule and they signed on it. They violated it within the first two hours of us being there. It wasn’t just that, it’s that they showed me; they don’t respect me. That they cared more about my aunt’s family, then they did my rules, which kind of shows how much they care for my kids if they were completely willing to violate it not even 2 hours upon me arriving.”
I don’t know what it is, my mom seems to have forgiven or not cared enough about what we endured with those people to where she will just assume that I’m bluffing when I make the rules clear to her.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
Honest_Weird_9715 − NTA you had one rule. One. If they can respect that boundarie they can’t see the kids
CareyAHHH − I reserve the right to never bring kids back here if you violate this one rule. She signed it and I plan the trip.. “Really you actually meant it?”
That is the lamest reaction ever. Who goes through the trouble of having someone sign an agreement just for the fun of it? Why did she think you went through all that trouble?
Glad she showed her true colors so close to the beginning of the visit. If she had waited until the end of the trip, it could have caused real confusion for your children. They would have had hopefully good memories with Grandma and might have trouble understanding that Grandma did something bad at the end.
Instead, she broke a rule almost as soon as you got there and your kids can see that you take rule breaking seriously. Also, glad the Aunt continued to be her true self too, which truly shows that she hasn’t changed, like you brother had hoped. True change would start with a sincere apology and accepting any terms given by the offended party.
cthulularoo − Your brother was the one she took the inhaler from and he’s going to bat for them? jesus, he’s in it deep, too, huh?. NTA
Fire_or_water_kai − NTA. I can’t believe your mom is okay with the person who kept her asthmatic child’s inhaler hostage over some cookies! You made your boundary (which was reasonable) and kept it. Your job as a parent is to keep people like that away from your kids.
ProfessionalMain8552 − NTA. It’s not even in question. I’d absolutely go low/no contact with them if you can, because she’s obviously going to put them first. Never risk your kids safety.
Salt-Finding9193 − I agree she broke your one rule. The kids hasn’t even unpacked! What a shitshow. May I ask how long has it been since you’d seen your parents.
Bibliophile_w_coffee − The fact that the twins are nine and your mom is just now reaching out to meet them is already a 🚩 either y’all were NC, or she is the world’s worst grandma. Either way, to think so little of you and your kids is baffling. I would never go back. NTA.
ShadowXSpectre_ − Unquestionably NTA. They could not even follow the one rule you gave them? It is time to leave with the kids in tow. Grandparents can not be trusted anymore.
llamadramalover − NTA
But I gotta ask: where were your parents when your aunt was abusing you??? I come from abuse so I’m not asking that in any type of negative manner at all. Just to help you feel better about your choice and give you more ammunition to fight this and stay confident in your choices.
My mother wasn’t the one to beat me, *but* as far as I am concerned she’s 100% responsible, more responsible than the abusers in fact. She *knew* and she *allowed* it to happen.
The people who abused me owed me nothing, I was not their child or relation in any manner, all they owed me was basic decency as a human being, that they obviously failed in, but nothing more.
It was my **mother** who owed me ***everything*** and the moment she allowed me to be abused a second time is when it became her fault more than anyone else’s. The vast majority of the time this is true for most children who were abused by someone other than their parent even if it’s just one parent.
*This* is why I’m asking. *Does this apply to you and your parents?* **A lot** of us abused former children don’t make that connection and we end up doing these things *right here.*
Trying to get along with our mother or father and make things work just for them to keep doing what they’ve always done and we end up having to defend our choices, while everyone we know is saying we overreacted like some-f**king-how because they didn’t do the actually beatings they’re innocent and the past, that everyone is very well aware of, just evaporated.
Like this was an isolated incident and not a pattern of behavior that *will* continue. **S**ew. Them. **Your brother is allowed to make the decision to be around these people, to involve himself and his children with his abusers, and likely give the abusers more victims, that’s his choice. It’s not a good choice but his choice nonetheless.
You also have a choice that he needs to respect in the same manner you respect his choice (I’m guessing) you don’t agree with. Point blank tell him as much::: you’ve chosen to forgive and keep these people as your family, I don’t agree with you but am I harassing you trying to get you to change your mind? No I’m not.
I am asking *you* to give **me** the same respect and courtesy I have afforded you when I disagree with your choices and decisions. And now I’m done with this specific topic and ask you not to bring it up again. If I want advice or to talk about it again I will let you know but I am asking *you* not to fight their battle with me ever again.
**p.s** I cannot believe your mother actually uttered the words “”I didn’t think you were serious”” when you went to the very extreme measure of having her ***sign a f**king contract***. Holy s**t, that is not a person who should be around any children.
beet3637 − With family like them, who needs enemies? Do not give in. Go NC with each of them.
Do you think the Redditor was right to stick to their boundary and leave, or should they have stayed and handled the situation differently? How would you have managed this difficult family dynamic? Share your thoughts below!
