AITA for taking in my ex’s dogs but not my homeless ex ?

A Redditor grapples with a difficult decision regarding his ex-wife, who has fallen on hard times and is in need of a place to stay. After leaving him and their children to pursue a “vanlife” lifestyle, she now finds herself in a tough spot when her van breaks down during a heat wave.

Although she asks to stay at his home, he decides against it, fearing the emotional impact on their kids if she leaves again. Instead, he offers to take care of her dogs while she finds alternative accommodations. To understand the complexity of this family dynamic, read the original story below.

‘ AITA for taking in my ex’s dogs but not my homeless ex.’

My wife left me and our kids a couple of years ago. She wanted a different life than what we had. She bought a converted van and tried to become a “vanlife” influencer. She got some followers but not as many as it takes to be able to live off of it I guess.

She is in the city right now and her van needs repairs. We are in the middle of a heat wave and she needs a place to stay for a week or two. This is only the second time in two years she has bothered to see our kids.

I have done my best to make sure that they know that even though their mom is gone it isn’t because she doesn’t love them. I said she was working far away. Even after the divorce I made sure she could have all the visitation she wanted.

She doesn’t want to stay with her parents because they are very critical of her choice to leave. She doesn’t want to stay at a hotel because it will be a dent in her budget. I don’t want her in my house because I don’t want the kids to freak out when she leaves again.

It’s best if they see her in a neutral location. I volunteered to take her dogs so she could stay at a hostel. She said I was an a**hole for not letting her stay in a house she helped pay for. I bought out her equity when we divorced.

It wasn’t that much. My parents said I should have let her stay. The woman I’m seeing said that she would have understood if I let her stay. I just know what it would do to my kids.. Edit Please stop messaging me for information on my ex.

I have not say more than I have. I don’t want anyone messing with her livelihood. I won’t tell you what her handle is or what kind of dogs she has. I have a good life without her and my kids are doing okay. Thank you all for your concern.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

vt2022cam −  NTA you’re being the best parent you can. She’s abandoned her children and has no right to impose on them and you. She’s not there to see them, she needs a cheap place to crash. It might be traumatic for your kids to have her leave again and that just isn’t worth it, for you or for them.

You bought her out and she’s used that equity to pursue her new life. She doesn’t want to stay with her critical parents, too bad. Dent her budget, then where’s the child support? Ask your mother to speak to your ex in laws or your mother can offer to host her.

mencryforme5 −  Well we’ll well if it isn’t the consequences of her own actions knocking at her door. For some reason, I have exactly zero sympathy for ~~wannabe influencers~~ grifters.. NTA.

happylukie −  She doesn’t want to stay with her parents because they are very critical of her choice to leave. She doesn’t want to stay at a hotel because it will be a dent in her budget She isn’t homeless.

Her home is in the shop and she doesn’t like the options her choices led her to. I volunteered to take her dogs so she could stay at a hostel. OP, you are such a warm and good person. Absolutely NTA.

After_Kangaroo_ −  NTA Don’t f**k with your kids head in that way. Even if they are told she’s leaving, they will hope she won’t, they’ll dream she won’t and then watch her leave them while she takes the dogs with her vs them.. Don’t.

NanaLeonie −  NTA. What a shame she has the choice of staying with her parents or renting a motel room. The choice she doesn’t get is squatting in your home till her van is repaired.

Potential_Total_257 −  NTA…. She needs to take ownership of her decisions. You’re focused on your children.

neoncactusfields −  I don’t want the kids to freak out when she leaves again. It’s best if they see her in a neutral location. NTA – she essentially has abandoned her children. Of course you don’t want to completely upheave their lives by allowing this uncertainty of their Mom “maybe” coming back home.

She has no right to stay in YOUR home, but she’s trying to manipulate you with a guilt trip that she helped pay for it (while conveniently forgetting you bought her out). She doesn’t sound apologetic or like she has grown too much as a person, and you are being prudent to draw firm boundaries with her.

Always_Anxious_710 −  NTA, you’re right to protect them from that and are generously taking in the dogs. This isn’t a negotiation, this is the favor you’re doing for her. Period.

Em-Teshian −  NTA. Your wife may need a place to stay but she doesn’t “need” *your* place to stay. Her parents are available, but she doesn’t *want* to stay with them. She can afford a hotel, but she doesn’t *want* to pay for a hotel.

I don’t know how old your kids are, and that’s probably relevant INFO. But as it is, you don’t seem to be withholding from your kids’ mother anything she actually ‘needs’. Only what she ‘wants’, and she’s not e**itled to get what she ‘wants’ from the family she abandoned.

RedditDK2 −  Nta. Do not let your kids get used to your ex being around for 2 weeks just to disappear on them again. They need to come first. Your ex had options – she needs to pick on of them.

Do you think the user was justified in prioritizing his children’s emotional well-being over his ex-wife’s request for shelter, or should he have allowed her to stay in their home? How would you approach a situation where past relationships complicate current family dynamics? Share your thoughts in the comments below!