AITA for suggesting that my sister chose an easy love?

A Reddit user (29F) shares the story of how her close relationship with her younger sister (26F) has deteriorated. The user, who married a Muslim man and converted to his religion, is invited by her mother for a “girl’s day” where her sister announces her engagement to a man from their own Hindu community.

The user, feeling that her sister may have chosen an easy path by marrying someone so similar to their family’s expectations, questioned her sister’s feelings and suggested it might be to appease their parents.

This led to a heated argument, with her sister calling her “toxic” and cutting ties, refusing to invite her to the wedding. The user is now questioning if she was wrong for voicing her concerns. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for suggesting that my sister chose an easy love?’

My younger sister and I were very close when young but no so much now. I was born in fairly well to do Hindu family. I fell in love and married a Muslim man and had to convert to his religion. My family was pretty pissed off that I converted but we’ve kept in touch.

Recently my sister announced that she was in love with a guy she’d met while trekking and they had plans to marry. My mom invited me for a ‘girl’s day’, just me, her and my sister at my parent’s home for a fun day.

My sister began to talk about her fiance, how they hated each other at first but then fell in love etc etc. I was happy for her. It all began when I asked what religion he was. Imagine my surprise when she said that he was Hindu AND THE SAME COMMUNITY AS OUR PARENTS. This would mean that it would make my father absolutely over the moon.

I asked her if she was sure she loved him, because it seemed unbelievable that she would meet someone from the same small community as our parents’ and fall in love. She got angry and told me that she was absolutely sure she was in love with him.

I suggested that maybe she thought she was in love because it was easy and there was no challenges involved. I explained to her that if she was truly in love, she wouldn’t choose someone so obviously a match. It was as though our parents chose him from a catalogue.

She told me that it didn’t matter, she loved him and thats it, and I was being rude. I told her that I wasn’t, I was just looking out for her and didn’t want her to bear the brunt of societal expectations on who to marry. I then asked her if she was marrying him to appease our parents.

At this point my sister blew up on me and began fuming that she was not a kid, she didn’t need to appease anyone etc etc. At this point my mom told me(not her) to get out of the house. Later my sister told me never to contact her again, nor ever see her face or come to her wedding. She called me ‘toxic’.. I was just looking out for her.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

wigglebuttbiscuits −  YTA. You sound bitter that your sister is going to have an easier path than you. It’s not at all weird that she fell in love with someone from her community— having that in common can be a real bond for people. You way, way overstepped and were really s**tty to her at what should have been a happy moment. Apologize right away or the ‘toxic’ label will absolutely apply.

Wikidess −  YTA. I explained to her that if she was truly in love, she wouldn’t choose someone so obviously a match. It was as though our parents chose him from a catalogue. What? You can’t be in love if you’re an obvious match? What nonsense is this?

I understand that you are concerned she is choosing her life partner for her parents and not for herself. But the way you went about this was all wrong and you owe your sister an apology.

sushii96 −  You shouldn’t be an obvious match with the person you plan on marrying? What nonsense is this? YTA

SendMe-DogPics −  Yes, YTA, it might seem unlikely but choosing a partner that you love AND pleases your parents can happen. You could have asked her once if she was sure and if your parents had influenced things but if she said no, she genuinely loved him, then you should have stopped and told her that you were happy for her.

SkullBearer −  YTA and really bitter. You were vile to her and absolutely toxic.

MinGosling −  YTA. I’m too speechless to explain why.

tinyahjumma −  YTA. How condescending.

wykae −  YTA – she is a grown woman and can marry who she likes. I understand you’re trying to look out for her, but it is her decision. For her sake though, I hope that she is marrying for all the right reasons. But it was rude for you to make those insinuations.. edited for grammar

[Reddit User] −  Yta- how do you know that she cares about what your parents think? It sounds like you have an issue with her marrying someone from your parents community in general, but then expect everyone should be accepting of who you married. She probably sees it that way and is why she called you toxic. You have a unfair double standard

chrixtxne_ −  YTA. not everybody has to go through fire and brimstone to find their true love. Be happy for your sister and stop being bitter that you decided to pick someone who wasn’t a “perfect match”

Was the Redditor out of line for questioning her sister’s love and suggesting she might be appeasing their parents, or was she simply looking out for her? Let us know what you think below!