AITA for suggesting that my brother and his fiancée bring out a cake at midnight on their wedding day for our grandma’s 80th birthday? ?
A Redditor wanted to surprise their grandmother with a birthday cake at midnight during their brother’s wedding to acknowledge her 80th birthday, especially since she had adjusted her plans for the wedding date. Originally, the brother liked the idea, but his fiancée reacted negatively, calling it “meddling” and saying it would take away from her “special day.”
The Redditor feels conflicted, especially since the grandmother had adjusted her celebration to accommodate the wedding weekend. Read the full story below.
‘ AITA for suggesting that my brother and his fiancée bring out a cake at midnight on their wedding day for our grandma’s 80th birthday? ?’
My older brother is getting married to his partner on July 20th, a date that they agreed on in January and shared with the family. July 21st is our grandma’s 80th birthday, she comes from a line of women where none of them lived past the age of 80 so it’s a big deal for her and she announced last year that she wanted to go all out with a weekend long celebration.
When my brother announced his wedding date, she was the first one to react with kindness considering he forgot all about her 80th birthday plans when deciding upon the wedding date. They had made several down payments before announcing, so there was no point in asking them to move the wedding a week before or later for grandma.
And grandma wouldn’t allow it. She ultimately decided to have a relaxing, lowkey Sunday dinner because my brother and his fiancée also want to have a post wedding brunch that day for relatives and the bridal party.
My mom and I got to talking and we thought it would be super fun if, at midnight, us grandkids could surprise grandma with a cake and have the band play her favorite song so we could share a dance with her. It seemed like a fun way to include such an important milestone into the celebratory weekend since she was giving up her big birthday bash in favor of the wedding.
I called my brother immediately to share the idea with him and he loved it, he even came up with the idea to make the cake England themed because mom and I are taking her to England in September as our gift, it’s a life long dream of hers to go.
That is, he loved it until he didn’t, meaning until he spoke with his fiancée. He called to say the “cake deal for gran” was off and that same night I received a text from his fiancée telling me I should’ve checked with her first if she would be okay with it and how I was being insensitive, rude and s**fish for meddling with her special day.
Yes, her special day. Not my brother’s special day or their special day, her special day. She really seems like a good person and we get along well despite not being super close, but it seemed logical to me to contact my brother since it’s also his wedding and it’s his grandma, not hers.
I responded back by saying it was my brother’s special day as well and how he was initially thrilled by the idea. I also told her I didn’t appreciate her accusing me of meddling since both mom and I have fully respected the fact that she planned the entire wedding with her mom, leaving us out of the loop, despite my parents paying for a portion of the wedding.
My mom was bummed about being fully excluded even though all she would’ve wanted was to know how everything was going. The wedding reception is scheduled to end at 2am, and by midnight she’ll already have been the center of attention.
It’s not like someone is going to jump out of her wedding cake and propose to another person. My text was met with a phone call from my brother who basically told me the conversation is over as I’ve overstepped my boundaries. AITA?
These are the responses from Reddit users:
Sebscreen − NTA. Your kind, loving 80-year-old grandma, who has already expressed how this is a historic and meaningful moment for her, is more important than your e**itled SIL who would already have a full day of attention under her belt by then.
Go ahead and plan for lovely festivities with your grandma and her family without SIL or your brother. She outright declared war on the people financing her wedding and who are important to her husband, so all bets are off.
DjTotenkopf − You’re not TA for suggesting it, but definitely YTA for arguing it afterwards and for coming here clearly still trying to prove your own point to yourself. It’s her wedding to your brother: you can’t expect someone to let you borrow her wedding for your own event. This is the most important event in some people’s lives, they get to have whatever celebration they want.
Yes, your brother approved it, but if it’s not something both people want them just drop it and apologize: you have, in fact, overstepped your boundaries. If you want to do something nice for your grandma, take the initiative on some special event actually for her, don’t borrow a wedding.
SnooRadishes8848 − YTA, your post, your comments, this is less about honoring your grandma, then trashing the bride All you had to do was ask both of them together, also I’ve learned from on here
Prize-Bumblebee-2192 − YTA. It’s a nice sentiment but it’s not your party so you don’t get a say if your idea is ultimately turned down. Your brother made his choice as well.
CosmicPolaris − YTA. Jesus you and your family sound annoying. You are trying to hijack the wedding out of pure jealously. Your grandmother has already said what she wanted. You all need to listen for once.
WorldAsChaos − Of all of the posts over the years that I’ve read that have to do with a similar situation (proposals, birthdays, pregnancy, etc.) this is the only one that I’ve seen with a clear YES answer.
In fact, if I was the bride or groom, I’d be relieved to have something to alleviate the guilt of co-opting the date, never mind the joy of honoring someone so special. It would just be another testament to the love of my family on a day of joy. This redditor would like to wish Grandma health, happiness and many more birthdays!
sunny-ice485 − Most of these comments seem to be putting words in your mouth that you did not express. You suggested, brother liked but got vetoed by bride. Ok, you weren’t happy but said nothing and kept it to yourself.
Then the bride got pissy you suggested a birthday cake for a HUGE milestone birthday for your grandmother (who had to cancel her plans to accommodate their wedding – remember she’d already started planning) and you just defended yourself.
It’s understandable your brother just asking to drop it but sounds like your FSIL is going to be insufferable. NTA And all the people saying you shouldn’t high jack a wedding for another celebration, completely agree, which is why you ASKED beforehand. From your comments it was your brother getting excited about the cake design etc, not you making a whole separate birthday party at midnight.
seschlo − NTA! Something similar happened to me with my wedding. We got married on a Tuesday at the courthouse because that day was special to us. We had the church wedding and big party the following weekend. It happened to fall on my FILs birthday.
My husband’s sister baked a little cake, and the whole place sang happy birthday to him. He was very touched. I was so happy to be able to do that for him. I’m sorry your future SIL can’t spare 2 minutes to celebrate a beloved family member.
Excellent-Count4009 − YTA. You are an AH for proposing that. They will – rightfully – have other priorities in their wedding night. “I also told her I didn’t appreciate her accusing me of meddling ” .. there is no accusing – she CAUGHT you trying to manipulate her husband to be into ruining their wedding night.
She is right to call you out for being the AH you are – and it is GOOD that your brother came to his senses. “My text was met with a phone call from my brother who basically told me the conversation is over as I’ve overstepped my boundaries. ” .. good. He is handling you AH well. Stop doing this meddling kind of b**lshit, or they will have to uninvite you from the wedding, and kick you out of their lives.
Owl_button − NTA Nana wanted a birthday weekend bash and now she can’t even have her favorite song played and a cake?
Was the Redditor’s suggestion an overstep, or was it a thoughtful way to celebrate both family milestones? Would a quiet birthday gesture during the wedding weekend be a distraction? Share your thoughts below!
