AITA for suggesting my fiancé’s sibling with a newborn sit in the back during our wedding ceremony?
A Reddit user is facing a tricky wedding planning dilemma and is seeking opinions on whether they’re in the wrong. The user and their fiancé want a child-free wedding, with exceptions for close family kids aged 3-11, but their fiancé’s sibling plans to bring their newborn baby.
Concerned about potential disruptions during the ceremony, the user suggested seating the sibling in the back so they could easily step out if the baby starts crying.
However, the fiancé found this suggestion rude and was upset, arguing that it’s unnecessary to plan for something that may not even be an issue. Read the full story below.
‘ AITA for suggesting my fiancé’s sibling with a newborn sit in the back during our wedding ceremony?’
My fiancé and I are planning our wedding, and we’re trying to sort out the guest list. My fiancé’s sibling is expecting a baby before our wedding and plans to bring the newborn. We want a child-free wedding ideally but have made exceptions for my finances siblings’/cousins’ kids aged 3-11, since they are family.
However I’m concerned about the potential for a newborn to cry during the ceremony, which is very important to us since babies just cry whenever. I suggested that if my fiancé’s sibling wants to attend, they could sit in a back corner so they could leave quickly if needed, and it wouldn’t affect the ceremony or videographer.
My fiancé thinks it’s rude to suggest this before the baby is even born and is upset about the idea. I’m stressed with planning and want to minimize disruptions. AITA for wanting to manage this ahead of time?
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
litza5472 − I don’t think you understand the concept of a child-free wedding if you are allowing children. I hate to be the one to break this to you, but the 3yo is by far more likely to disrupt your ceremony than the infant is. I’m going to have to say that being this naive is not AH territory, so NAH.
Test-Subject-593 − exceptions for kids aged 3-11, as we feel they’re less likely to cause disruptions. Thank you for this, I haven’t laughed this hard all day.
Recent-Necessary-362 − I’m sorry I can’t get over the fact that you both actually believe a 3 year old will behave at a wedding 🤣 yall are both in for a rude awakening sorry but if you want a kid free wedding that means all of them. So everyone sucks here.
Mooshu1981 − YTA. 3 year olds are absolute terrors compared to newborns at weddings. Your a H**ocrite 3-11 is acceptable man I hope you never have children. Child free means no children.
You’re picking and choosing. I’m a wedding photographer. Never once have I ever had a baby interrupt a ceremony. It’s always the 2-7 year olds who don’t get there way and are told to sit and be quiet.
jesshatesyou − YTA. Every wedding I’ve attended where a baby cried or a small child somehow was loud enough to be heard during the ceremony was met with kindness, understanding, and (depending on the type of disruption- asking questions or some kind of cute noise) laughter.
I’m so glad those are my people. Your wedding should definitely be about you and what you want, but for crying out loud, it’s not like you’ll be taking a video of the ceremony and submitting it for Oscar consideration.
Who actually cares if a baby cries for a minute or two during your wedding, as long as your friends and loved ones are there to celebrate you and your fiancé?
Fit_Try_2657 − Everyone else covered most of the relevant points. I will only add, asking her to sit at the back is rude and exclusionary and she’ll never forget it. She can just as easily rush out from the front as the back with her baby if they cry. Just like the mom of the 3 and 5 year old. (And why exclude the 11-18s?). 100% YTA.
CandylandCanada − I’m concerned about the potential for a newborn to cry during the ceremony, which is very important to us since babies just cry whenever. You’re not the first person to get married, nor to have infants at the ceremony.
Babies cry, people cough, street noise can be heard, and other things happen that could affect the ceremony. Surprisingly, thousands of couples recover from these disasters and go on to have happy lives.
It seems that you are dead set on having “the perfect wedding”, with no hiccups, which is unreasonable and unachievable. Use the time before the wedding to work on your resilience instead of trying to control every aspect of the day.
quidyn − YTA – You assume the baby is going to cry and be fussy, which is fairly unlikely with a newborn. You are allowing children 3-11 at the ceremony, an age range that is far more disruptive than a newborn. Almost no one bats an eye at a crying baby.
If you have children, you will realize how unfairly parents with children are treated by society sometimes. I don’t know what you imagine your wedding day to look like. Maybe you have some vision of perfection, but I have been to zero events that have gone off without a single hiccup.
Loosen your expectations and remember you are marrying the love of your life, joining two families, and are there to just have fun on your wedding day. Why try to micromanage and predict the tiniest possible disturbance to your day to the point of hurting someone’s feelings?
andromache97 − YTA for not really considering that your fiancé might not want close family members seated in the back. Presumably people generally like to have their parents and siblings (and/or other closest loved ones) near the front because their presence is important.
You are already focusing on your fiancé’s family being more of an inconvenience than the fact that their presence is clearly important, and treating your fiancé’s sibling’s baby like a problem to be managed before it’s even born seems to hurt your partner’s feelings.. ETA
Well you should also care about your guests, the people you’re inviting to celebrate with you. You can only exert so much control over these people – you also have to respect them as loved ones.
Your stress over the amount of money you are spending doesn’t mean you get to treat your loved ones poorly (assuming you actually care about them being there.)
You are stressing out over where a baby that isn’t born yet will sit at your wedding. Yeah, maybe your partner is upset that their sibling’s unborn baby is already being treated as an inconvenience to be managed. Pregnancies don’t even always go well! Maybe your partner is just grateful their sibling will be able to attend at all?
Was it reasonable for the user to make a seating request to minimize disruptions, or should they have left it up to the sibling? How would you handle a similar situation with family members at your wedding? Share your thoughts below!