AITA for suggesting calling off the wedding because she thinks the prenup is unfair?

A Reddit user finds himself navigating the complexities of love, impending parenthood, and the institution of marriage as he and his girlfriend confront the challenges of planning a wedding after discovering they’re expecting a child.

With differing visions for their wedding and an ironclad prenup at the center of their discussions, tensions rise as the user questions whether the benefits of marriage outweigh the potential risks.

As he reflects on his brother’s painful divorce and the financial consequences that followed, he considers if perhaps calling off the wedding altogether might be the best option. Read the original story below to explore the balance between love, financial security, and the realities of commitment.

‘ AITA for suggesting calling off the wedding because she thinks the prenup is unfair?’

My girlfriend(26F) and myself(M24) have just found out that she is pregnant. She is adamant about not wanting to have a child out of wedlock, so we have been discussing getting married. We’ve been together for 3 and a half years. Prior to finding out about the baby, we had only talked about marriage a little bit.

I know she wants to get married badly, but I’m kind of on the otherwise of the fence. I’m not 100% against it, but definitely not eager/desperate to get married for multiple reasons. For one, my brother just recently got taken to the cleaners by his ex-wife (he pays her like 10k a month in addition to losing some of his properties!!)

and that whole situation terrifies me and I’ve never really seen what a marriage provides that makes that risk worth it. To me, it’s just the same thing as being together how we are currently, but giving the state permission to be in our relationship. However, now that she’s pregnant, I’ve been more open to it just because I know how much it means to her.

So, we’ve started this process and I’m slowly realizing that I may have bitten off more than I want to chew. While me and my girlfriend love each other very much and are compatible in pretty much every way. Our ideas about marriage, the wedding, ect seem to be a little different.

For starters, for the wedding I was thinking we each pick some of our closest people (maybe 10 or so each idk the number can be a little flexible) and go get married on an island/beach, stay for a week or 2, or something cool like that, so we can have fun and enjoy it.

She pretty much wants the exact opposite… ect massive wedding in a big venue. Now I don’t see anything wrong with that type of wedding, it just seems like such a colossal waste of resources to invite every person we know when we could instead have fun for a week or 2 then get married on the beach with our closest people.

It doesn’t necessarily have to be the beach(I’m flexible), but I think you get the idea I’m going for vs the idea she’s going for are completely 2 different schools of thought. She basically wants to invite every single person she knows like I’ve looked at her list and she’s got friends she hasn’t seen in years, third cousins, literally everyone.

To me, if I’m gonna spend a boatload of money, we should do it for ourselves, not people we barely know. We’ve been talking about compromises and making slow progress on that end, but we were getting there. She knew prior to getting married I would require a prenup.

I make about 4x her salary and own property and plan to acquire more. I had my lawyer draft up a prenup and she has her own lawyer reviewing it. This is where we came to an impasse. Her lawyer believed the prenup was unfair and we’ve been going back and forth making changes. I’ve made some concessions, but I’m kind of at a point where I don’t want to make anymore.

While I admit, the prenup is definitely ironclad, I think it’s fair considering the situation. I’m taking all the risk, why would I continue to concede on things me and my lawyer both believe are fair? So, recently we got into a minor argument over wedding stuff in general regarding the prenup/wedding and I was just like maybe we should just keep things how they are?

Of course, she flipped. We’ve cooled down since, and she says she still wants to make this happen, but that I need to be more open to compromise. I feel like given the situation, I’ve compromised more than I already should have. I talked to my brother about it and he told I’ve compromised more than enough and to hold firm and worst case, you stay gf/bf, which is realistically probably better anyways.

My sister disagrees and says I’m being a j**k for not working with her more. The way I see it, why would I risk everything I’ve worked for when I’m not even getting the wedding I want nor the financial protection I want? Just so I can say I’m married? There’s just very few tangible benefits I’d be getting in relation to the risk. So, AITA?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Eve-3 −  The stupidest thing you can do is get married if you don’t want to.

NewDriverStew −  Her lawyer believed the prenup was unfair and we’ve been going back and forth making changes. I’ve made some concessions, but I’m kind of at a point where I don’t want to make anymore. While I admit, the prenup is definitely ironclad, I think it’s fair considering the situation.

You all can sign a prenup but if a judge agrees that it’s unfair while you two are splitting up you’ll very quickly find out just how un-ironclad they are. Prenups get tossed out alllllll the time.

Dapper-Guest-5161 −  It’s impossible to say who’s T A without information on the prenup and relationship dynamic. A good prenup should protect the interests of both parties.

ScarletteGalaxy −  Skip the marriage and go for healthy co-parenting

[Reddit User] −  How are kids not a big commitment but marriage is?

[Reddit User] −  NAH. No one here can tell you the prenup is fair or unfair without seeing the full prenup AND knowing the dynamics of your relationship.
I’ll say this: **Your bother is the WORST person to be getting advice from right now.

** He’s recently burned, bitter, and is giving you advice from a POV that is damaged, not helpful. Your lawyer is the best person to ask what’s fair, as they look at prenups every day. What I will say is that your fiance is pregnant, legally single, and wondering how she’ll provide for a child. It’s reasonable for her to want a safety net.

It’s also reasonable for you to want to keep what you earned before marriage. A good general rule of thumb is to organize the prenup so that each person leaves with what they had at the time of marriage. What happens to assets made during marriage is more complicated.

For example, a SAHP is just as valuable and contributing just as much as a partner who works, just in a different way. If a SAHP does all the cooking, cleaning, and child care, you bet your ass they’re e**itled to 50% in the divorce. They helped build that empire. Ask your lawyer what’s standard/reasonable, skip asking your brother for advice, and have some empathy for your pregnant and scared partner.

1indaT −  More info is needed. Can you state in general terms what she and her lawyer feel are unfair?

tattoovamp −  Dude, your whole post screams you don’t want to get married. And pre nups are supposed to benefit and protect *both* parties.

Butt-Dragon −  It’s funny how you think the worst case is you and your partner staying gf/bf. More likely, you’ll break up entirely.

Far-Pickle-2440 −  I’m not sure why anyone is attacking your girlfriend, but it’s fairly clear that you don’t want to get married.

Is the user justified in considering calling off the wedding due to his concerns about the prenup and differing wedding visions, or is he being unreasonable in his approach? How important is compromise in a relationship, especially when it comes to significant life decisions like marriage and family? Share your thoughts below!