AITA for stopping taking care of my sick boyfriend?

A Reddit user shared their frustration about caring for their sick boyfriend, who has been diagnosed with two infections but continues to go out, socialize, and even get tattoos while complaining about feeling unwell. Despite initially feeling sympathy and offering support, the user is now questioning whether they’re wrong for stopping their caregiving efforts. Read the full story below to decide if the user’s reaction is fair.

‘ AITA for stopping taking care of my sick boyfriend?’

Boyfriend (26M) hasn’t been feeling well. I felt so bad for him, took care of him to the best of my ability, and have really been sweet to him. I told him to take off work to go to the doctor, so he goes and they say he has a sinus infection and upper respiratory infection and prescribe him 5 different things.

We’re on the phone while I’m at work and he’s asking me what he should and shouldn’t get, I felt so bad for him and told him I’d come home and take care of him. Well, he then leaves the doctor and goes to the movies with a friend and then goes to the bar, and his friend got so drunk he had to carry him out of the bar and take him home.

Then while he’s out doing this, sends me a screenshot of concert tickets for a concert he wanted to go to that night. I call him and tell him to come home. He comes home, I ask how the f**k he’s had so much energy to do more with 2 infections in 12 hours than I’ve done all year, he said the medicine made him feel better.

That night, he goes to work and is texting me telling me how bad he feels and how he should have stayed home from work. Gets off work, and goes out and gets two tattoos with his friends. Goes into work the next day, still texting me complaining about how bad he feels, now he is off work and went to his friends house.

I don’t feel bad anymore, it’s like he wants me to continue babying him like always but I can’t feel bad for someone who acts this way. I don’t think he’s faking being sick because I can tell there is something wrong, but am I wrong for not wanting to take care of him anymore or really be nice about it at all?

If he genuinely felt that bad he wouldn’t be able to run around the world doing all this like nothings wrong. He’s always out doing all kinds of stuff with his friends, but he usually isn’t so sick.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

ElyriaRose −  NTA – even if the medicine did make him feel better, he made poor choices. He’s a grownup and can take care of himself. Also … am jealous. Sitting here with an ear infection, sinus infection and chest infection and nothing the doctor gave me made me feel THAT good.

East_Parking8340 −  What I find interesting is that he doesn’t seem to be spending any time with you. He pops off to work (complaining bitterly about how dire he feels) then proceeds to go out with everyone and anyone who isn’t you, has a fabulous time then rinses and repeats. I think your bigger problem is why he’s gallivanting around while expecting you to wait on him hand a foot when he gets back.. NTA

oliviamrow −  NTA but why are you dating this high school child in a 26-year-old body? (Said with apologies to the more mature high schoolers out there, of which I know there are *many*.)

I would bet actual American dollars that at least one of his five prescriptions didn’t interact well with the alcohol, which might also be why he had to be carried home, though of course it’s possible he just got that drunk on top of the meds.

It’s also inadvisable to get a tattoo while sick; a weakened immune system leaves you more susceptible to infections (or in this case *even more* infections). Furthermore, we just dealt with a ***global pandemic*** within his adult lifetime. Upper respiratory infections can be contagious. He thinks that’s a good time to go to bars and concerts?

So not only is he not smart or mature enough to take care of *himself*, he also doesn’t seem to care about anyone else, and wants you to mommy him, as long as it doesn’t get in the way of him partying. I don’t like to armchair diagnose, but your boyfriend is a grade-A dingus.

BO0BO0P4nd4Fck −  Your boyfriend is a complete i**ot and will only get more sick. The fact that he was dumb enough to get tattooed while already on 5 different medications because he’s sick is the stupidest thing.

Those tattoos are most likely going to heal like garbage because his immune system is already working overdrive to fight the infections and now it has to heal 2 open wounds. I guarantee he didn’t let the artist know because no professional would have agreed to tattoo him in these conditions. I would absolutely not care for him at all if he’s going to be so careless with his health.

Jyqm −  I told him to take off work to go to the doctor, so he goes and they say he has a sinus infection and upper respiratory infection Doctors like to use lots of long words. Your boyfriend has a cold.

Competitive_Cod_3843 −  NTA. He’s trying to sabotage your career and make you be his mommy. Take a hard look at what you like about this relationship before proceeding.

Trishycakes_ −  NTA. Your boyfriend seems to be on some kind of world tour with his sickness as the plus-one. Seriously though, if he’s well enough to hit up movies, bars, concerts, work, and get tattoos, he can surely manage to take care of himself.

It’s one thing to be supportive, but it’s another to be taken for a ride. Maybe his medicine does work wonders, but it shouldn’t be your job to play nurse when he’s clearly able to live it up. It’s fair for you to step back and let him handle his own sniffles if he’s up for all that action.

WayProfessional3640 −  Did they give him steroids? That stuff will make you feel all better and, in fact, energized.

LayaElisabeth −  Where i live in Europe, companies can send a “control doctor” to your house to double check if you’re really sick, and if so, if you’re properly adhering to the doctor’s notes to get better soon.

Like, not having a backyard party when you supposedly have a respiratory infection, or renivating your home when you’re supposed to be on bedrest for a concussion.. If you fail the check you could be fired.

NoRazzmatazz564 −  NTA. He clearly doesn’t need your help on this any more.

Do you think the user is justified in stepping back from caregiving, given her boyfriend’s behavior, or should she continue offering support despite his actions? How do you handle situations where someone’s actions contradict their complaints? Share your thoughts in the comments below!