AITA for still going to my dental appointment after my husband tried to get me to reschedule?

A Reddit user, struggling with a painful toothache, decides to keep her dental appointment despite her husband’s objections. Her husband insists she stay home to look after his injured best friend, Terry, who has been staying with them for weeks.

The user is overwhelmed by the extra responsibilities and argues with her husband when he pressures her to reschedule. After going to the appointment, she stays at her mom’s house due to the tension at home. Her husband is angry, calling her stubborn, while her mom defends her. Read the full story below to see how this unfolded.

‘ AITA for still going to my dental appointment after my husband tried to get me to reschedule?’

So I (f34) was having a horrible toothache, I’d taken medication to ease the pain but it was bad, like you-need to go-to the dentist level of bad. I scheduled an appointment and was told to come yesterday.

My husband’s (m37) best friend “Terry” (m33) got into an accident and injured his knee. he has been staying with us for several weeks. My husband looks after him as he sees him living alone and in need of assistance. I welcomed him to our home but found myself having to clean up after him and bring him his medication and also cook for him.

And if I take a long time to get something done he’d call my husband and basically “tell on me” which makes my husband mad. he says it’s temporary and also since I’m home 24/7 and he is the working then I should help caring for his friend. It has became quite overwhelming because now I can’t leave the house if my husband isn’t there with his friend.

Like I stated previously about the dental appointment, I told my husband the night before and he pitched a hissy fit saying I can’t leave Terry home alone. I suggested he take time off work and stay with him but he said it wouldn’t work with such a short notice. he suggested that I reschedule but I said no, even showed him how bad the swelling was, yet he told me to hold on for another day.

He went to work early and I decided I was still going to go. Terry was in the livingroom (he sleeps on a large mattress in the living room) and saw me making my way out as mom was waiting at the door. He asked where I was going and I told him to the dental appointment.

He had an attitude and raised his voice at me telling me to go back upstairs and cancel. mom stepped in and started arguing with him asking who he think he is, he went on about how he was unable to move and then threatened to call my husband if I stepped a foot out the door. I took my mom and left.

He ended up calling my husband who then tried to call me over and over for 2 hours til I turned my phone off. Instead of returning home, I went to stay with my mom because I was in tremendous pain and my husband started yelling at me calling me stubborn for still going after he told me to reschedule and irresponsible for leaving his injured friend home alone.

Mom told him off which escalated the argument between us. He is now currently staying at home along with his friend while constantly pressuring me to stop hiding behind mom and come deal with the results of having him leave his job for hours after I blind sided him and went against his wishes.. 

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

NUT-me-SHELL −  NTA. Sounds to me like you should continue staying with your Mom and let your soon to be ex husband start his new life with his partner Terry.

KillerRayne17 −  NTA. Hes 33 with an injured knee, not 97 and on his deathbed. Since your husband and Terry are on the same side just give Terry your ring, clearly your husband loves him more, jeez 😤

[Reddit User] −  NTA and don’t go home. “Face the consequences”? These aren’t the words of a husband, they’re the words of a slave driver. Your husband, who should be supporting you, is acting like Terry is the only important person in the house, aside from him, and you should put everything on hold to wait on Terry hand-and-foot, while your own needs are of no consequence.

Terry, it appears, also thinks you are his servant. The fact that your husband berates you if Terry is the least bit put out tells me he values Terry much more than you. Apparently, the fact you were in incredible pain was of no matter to him, though I’ll bet if it was his toothache, he would have gone to the dentist ASAP. Get a police escort to go to your home and get your things. And then, it’s time to consider filing for divorce. You want nothing more to do with this man, or Terry.

crockofpot −  NTA. The complete lack of respect both of these men have for you is breathtaking. A grown man *tattling* about not being served fast enough? And your husband takes his side?

I know people hate the “Reddit tells people to divorce” trope, but this situation shows such a fundamental lack of care or respect for you. It tells you everything about his character, and the character of someone he’s chosen as his “best friend.” I don’t see how you come back from this.

By the way, severe tooth pain is an urgent issue. People have died from dental abscess complications. I don’t know if that’s what was going on with you, but your husband was literally willing to risk your health to make his a**hole baby friend happy.

CrystalQueen3000 −  NTA Your husband is. He’s turned you into a carer for his buddy without asking and Terry is a grown man that tattles on you for not doing more when you’re doing plenty.

He expects you to n**lect your own physical health when you’re in pain to cater to his friend. Not gonna lie, when I read that the friend raised his voice and **told** you to go upstairs and cancel I got some second hand rage. Who the f**k does this guy think he is? You’ve been more than accommodating.

There’s an old saying: Fish and guests start to stink after 3 days.. Terry gotta go. And your husband needs an attitude adjustment if he wants to stay married to you because his current approach seems i**olerable.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Stay with your mom, don’t go back.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. He seems to be more worried about his friend than his wife…. Does hubby’s friend know he has two knees? He can use crutches and walk! You’re accommodating but you’re not they’re slave.

[Reddit User] −  NTA! WTH does Terry think he is? He is a grown A$$ adult who should be able to be alone for a few hours. Hubby and Terry can figure it out on their own. I had a**le surgery and was non weight bearing for 6 weeks and I managed on my own for a few hours.

Rich-Jellyfish-1979 −  NTA your husband is. I get that he cares for his friend but really? To the expense of OP’s welfare?

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Consequences??? You are not a child. Sounds like your husband just became Terry’s (unnecessary) full-time carer. You should relax at your mother’s house for a while. Consider returning to your husband after a proper apology and agreement to an anti-Terry plan. Your mom sounds great. Husband and Terry, not so much.

Do you think the user was right to prioritize her health and keep the appointment, or should she have listened to her husband’s concerns? How would you handle a situation where you’re caught between personal needs and family responsibilities? Share your thoughts below!