AITA for stepping out of the Xmas family trip because of their constant fits over gifts?

A Redditor shares their frustration with annual Christmas family trips that always involve drama over gift-giving. Despite not being big on gifts, they’ve been guilt-tripped by their sister, mother, and other relatives for not giving presents.

This year, after being issued an ultimatum to show care through gifts, the Redditor decided to skip the trip entirely, leading to a barrage of messages accusing them of selfishness. Read the full story below and weigh in on who’s in the wrong.

‘ AITA for stepping out of the Xmas family trip because of their constant fits over gifts?’

This is the situation here. As per nearly every year, we make a Christmas trip to meet with my extended family and celebrate it. I (M33) am not much of a gift giver, and I actually don’t mind not getting any gifts at all. But, the problem at hand comes when my sister (F40) and my mother (F69) enter the scene.

I still get some gifts from them, but they always seem to make a fuzz when I don’t gift them back. This is an issue that has been happening over the latest years. And yesterday, my sister and my mother, in addition to some other relatives sat me down and they gave me an ultimatum that,

either I show them that I care for them by giving them all gifts when we make the trip or they would tell the whole family to take drastic measures. Since this isn’t the first time my family throws a fit because I don’t give them any gifts (and they haven’t given me less gifts over the years),

I just told them that if this is how they would do things, then I would not make the trip with them, then left. Today, my phone has been blown with Whatsapp messages and missed calls, and all the messages so far go along the lines that I’m being selfish and greedy, and that I’m hurting them all because I don’t care for them at all.

I haven’t grabbed the phone at all as a result. For additional context, I live alone, my current job is moderately well paid, and maybe I could afford them a couple gifts, but the problem is that this is the same drama, the same guilt-tripping and this basically defuses any desire from me of giving out any gifts.. AITA?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Aggressive_Cattle320 −  YTA This has been going on for some time. You go and visit. They give you gifts and you take them, but never bother buying anything to exchange in return. Your family is sick of giving and never receiving.

If you have no desire to exchange gifts, you should have spoken up and set your boundaries years ago. Instead, you’ve just continued taking and doing nothing else. You need to decide if you are a participant in the holiday gathering or not.

You will be the only one who is bothered if you decide to stay home. Your family will stop wasting money on gifts and you can stop feeling “pressured” to be an active participant in your family holiday celebrations. If you choose to keep on attending, then you need to reciprocate and buy gifts for those who gift to you.

It doesn’t have to break the bank. They would probably just be thrilled to know you gave them a passing thought. You need to stop playing these games and either be part of it and step out. You can’t have both, as they’ve let you know it’s not welcome.

Reasonable-Ad-3605 −  So every year you get together with your family for Christmas and don’t give them gifts? YTA. It’s pretty normal to get your family gifts, and while lot everyone is good at it (it is a skill) you could at least try.

It’s good you’re removing yourself from the holiday trip but you can’t act like scrooge and then be shocked that people are upset.

AnitaTacoTwo −  YTA. If you aren’t willing to reciprocate, then tell them not to buy you anything. You are reaping the rewards of Christmas without the spirit of what it’s about and you sound so selfish. I wouldn’t even spend Christmas with you if I were them. Gross.

Personibe −  INFO: At any point have you TOLD them you will not be giving gifts and asked them not to get you anything? Or are you still cool getting stuff. If every year you make clear you are not giving or expecting to receive, then you are good.

But if you have just been taking and taking without telling them to stop gifting then even you have to admit YTA

Enough-Process9773 −  YTA. This is simple. 1. Ask your sister what your mother would like for Christmas. (Set a price range.) 2. Ask your mother what your sister would like for Christmas.(Set a price range.). 3. Buy the things.. 4. Wrap the things.. 5. Give the things.. 6. Repeat next Christmas.

Eventually with enough practice you’ll get good enough that you won’t have to do steps 1 and 2. But right now, I suspect you’re bad enough at gift-giving you’d probably give functionally awful gifts.

Ilovesummer16 −  YTA, I totally understand your family. They told you that it’s important for them, and you can afford it, and not doing it. It shows that you don’t care about your family and not willing to show them that you value and love them by doing an important thing for them.

AgitatedDot9313 −  If you told them to not give you gifts, and they still did while also expecting you to return the favor, then NTA. If you didnt actually have that conversation and instead just stopped giving gifts, then YTA

growsonwalls −  YTA. Not everyone is a good gift giver, but you could ask them for a wish list. Right now you sound like a scrooge. Enjoy Christmas alone.

loxima −  YTA – they’re making it pretty clear that gift giving is important to them, you could afford gifts, why not just do it? Because you want to be an a**hole.

Winter_Raisin_591 −  YTA and your excuse is p**s poor. You’re just fine getting gifts but can’t be assed to even buy a simple gift card? You did the right thing of opting out. Your habit of showing up to mooch isn’t needed any longer.

Was the Redditor justified in stepping away from the trip to avoid the recurring gift drama, or do you think their family’s demands are reasonable? How would you handle being pressured about holiday traditions? Share your thoughts in the comments below!