AITA for ‘stealing’ my friend’s future baby name?

A woman (25F) announced her baby name, Bella, at a family party, despite her family friend Anya (21F) previously discussing her interest in a similar name. Anya accused her of “stealing” the name, arguing it was something significant to her.

The woman feels that since Anya has no immediate plans for children and they only see each other infrequently, it shouldn’t matter. Her mother agrees with Anya, but she remains unconvinced. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for ‘stealing’ my friend’s future baby name?’

Throwaway and changing names. I (25F) am in a tough situation and would like some outside perspective. I’m married to Max (29M). My family friend Anya is 21, and has been dating her partner Ryan (22M) for 5 years. Her family and mine are really close.

Anya and Ryan moved in together the next state over a few years ago, and it’s about a six-hour drive between us. She had no plans to get pregnant anytime soon, but has been talking for years about what she wanted her future kid’s names to be.

The issue is that it’s a really common name, think like Isabella Grace. I found out that I’m pregnant a few months ago and my partner and I both love the name, but we were going to make it different, like Bella. We had a birthday party for my grandma a few days ago, and it was her 90th birthday, so it was a big extended family event.

Anya was invited, but she didn’t end up going. With my grandma’s permission, we announced the name of our daughter at the party. Mostly everyone seemed pretty about it. My mom came up to me after the party and said that I need to pick a different name because Anya will be mad.

I told her that we only see her a few times a year so it doesn’t matter. Anya texted me today, calling me insensitive and taking away something important from her. She accused me of stealing her baby name. My mom agrees with her, but I don’t really think it matters. AITA?. Edit for clarity

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

sheramom4 −  I am going to split the difference with an ESH. It is true that no one owns a name and that you can name your child what you want. Anyone who says otherwise or tries to get you to change it is an AH.

That being said, you choosing a name that someone else, who you have known for years and has been expressing for years that this is her preferred name for her child, just speaks to a lack of creativity and perhaps a bit of “oh look, I got to choose it first.”

AgitatedDot9313 −  YTA for sure. If you dont see why this is wrong, then you need a reality check.

Consistent_Dress_571 −  I kinda think YTA, there are soooooo many names. You just had to not use that one name. Anya is 21, she’s not having kids yet, you definitely did this intentionally.

DeadwoodJedi −  What I don’t get about posts like these is it’s not if it’s fair/unfair or legal/illegal. If this is a friend and THEY care about the name, then why don’t YOU care about them caring? Like aren’t they your friend? You’re stuck on the name cause you’ve been hearing it for years from your “friend”.

You’re not being different or unique. You’re being lazy and boring and a little mean. I mean you can do that, but to expect no ramifications is pretty dense. Even your mom got it right away (for that matter so did you by choosing the alternative version of the same name) that this was disrespectful to your friendship.

Just to be clear, the friend is kinda meh. I don’t get claiming a name or being obsessed by it. But that’s the thing about friendship – you don’t have to love what your friends love, just respect it. YTA. You’re being s**fish and showing no respect to your friend.

Sudden-Iron2734 −  YTA, you don’t think it matters because it’s not important to YOU. I’m sure if this was the other way around you’d be upset.

AngelicBear05 −  ESH. Sure, you can name your baby anything you want, but this isn’t a name with any personal significance to you, and there are thousands of baby names out there. You don’t have to change it, but making this your hill to die on by purposefully using the name your friend’s been gushing about for years is.

.weird. Yeah, she doesn’t own the name, and it’s probably not worth getting angry about if you’re not even that close, but you could have easily foreseen this upsetting your friend and still chose to do it for no real reason, which I think is just inherently a not great thing to do. So.

.everyone sucks here for me. It seems like you’re both just looking for something to fight about, frankly.

a_vaughaal −  ESH. I think having a reserved baby name is weird. But also, you said she had mentioned the name for *years*. So yeah, it does kind of seem like you stole it. The fact your Mom immediately knew you had taken the name Anya planned to use says a lot.

It would be different if it was a family name or you had some other reason. Everyone will move past it, but Anya won’t forget this happening. Same thing happened to my sister – chose the name Sydney Elizabeth for her daughter and told people.

Her best friend’s sister had a baby 3 months before my sister and used the name – my sister was annoyed and learned her lesson about not sharing names ahead of time. My guess is you wouldn’t have chosen the name you did if you hadn’t heard it numerous times over the years and liked how it sounded.

PlentyHopeful263 −  YTA. While no one owns a name, I can see why your friend would be hurt. There are a million names in the world and you choose the one she has had her heart set on…. Seems pretty messed up.

Ses_Jul −  There are sooooo many names in the world and it is wild to me there are so many people who want to use the same name as someone else they know. Agree no one has claim to a name but also like you don’t like any of the other billion zillion names out there? Weird.

UnluckyCountry2784 −  You really can’t think of other common name? I know nobody owns a name. But i still find people like you AH for doing this.

Should she have considered Anya’s feelings more, or was it fine to choose the name she loved? Share your thoughts below!