AITA for starting to date someone else after the girl I WAS dating ghosted me for over a month?

Imagine hitting it off with someone, only to have them disappear without a trace for over a month. That’s the frustrating experience facing OP, who finds himself questioning his actions after his date suddenly reappears with a tragic excuse for her ghosting behavior.

While OP understands that grief can be overwhelming, he’s also frustrated by the lack of communication and the expectation that he should have waited indefinitely for her to resurface. His decision to move on and start dating someone new has sparked accusations of being “heartless,” leaving OP wondering if he’s truly the a-hole in this situation. Join us as we unpack this story of ghosting, dating etiquette, and the delicate balance between empathy and self-respect.

‘ AITA for starting to date someone else after the girl I WAS dating ghosted me for over a month?’

Expert Opinion:

This situation highlights the importance of communication and consideration in dating, particularly when it comes to navigating unexpected life events and emotional challenges. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, emphasizes the importance of “turning towards” each other in relationships, which involves responding to bids for connection and offering support during difficult times.

In this case, while the woman’s grief over her grandmother’s death is understandable, her decision to ghost OP for over a month without any explanation demonstrates a lack of consideration for his feelings and a disregard for basic communication etiquette.

Dr. Gottman notes that “Even during times of grief or stress, it’s crucial for individuals to maintain open communication with their partners and avoid withdrawing or shutting down, which can create distance and resentment.” (Source: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work)

Furthermore, the woman’s expectation that OP should have waited indefinitely for her to resurface and her accusation of him being “heartless” for moving on suggest a sense of entitlement and a lack of respect for his autonomy.

Dr. Terri Orbuch, a professor at the University of Michigan and author specializing in long-term relationships, notes that “Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, understanding, and a willingness to compromise. Expecting a partner to put their life on hold indefinitely without any communication or explanation is unreasonable and disrespectful.” (Source: 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great)

Finally, this experience serves as a reminder for everyone in the dating world: if someone’s actions leave you questioning their commitment, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship. Prioritizing your own emotional health is not only acceptable, but it’s also essential for building a foundation for a future filled with genuine connection and respect.

See what others had to share with OP:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—candid and direct:

Commenters largely agree that the OP’s decision was completely justified. Many note that ghosting, regardless of the reason, leaves the other person in a state of uncertainty and hurt, making it entirely reasonable to move on. The consensus is that clear, respectful communication is non-negotiable in any relationship, and that waiting for someone who offers silence is neither healthy nor fair.

Ultimately, this story is a testament to the importance of mutual respect and clear communication in dating. When someone disappears without explanation, it’s not a reflection of your worth, but rather an indication that they are not ready to invest in a meaningful connection.

The OP’s decision to date someone new is a healthy response to being left in the lurch. What do you think—should we always expect clear communication in the early stages of dating, or is it better to give someone more time? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!