AITA for standing up for a girl who was fasting?

A Reddit user (16F) found herself in a difficult situation at her high school marching band event when a fellow band member, Lae (18F), passed out due to fasting. Despite this, Lae refused to sit out during the day’s activities because it was her senior year.

After the event, a fellow student named Alex (not his real name) posted a disrespectful and inappropriate picture of Lae lying on the ground, captioned with an offensive remark about her appearance. When the user asked him to take it down, Alex refused, arguing that fasting was “disgusting” and that Lae was “supporting the wrong religion.”

The user then confronted Alex, telling him he was wrong for being disrespectful towards someone’s religion. Eventually, Alex’s friend deleted the post, and the band director took action. Now, the user is being told by others that she was out of line, and she’s questioning if she did the right thing.

Read the full story below to see if the user was justified in standing up for her peer, or if they should have stayed out of it.

‘ AITA for standing up for a girl who was fasting?’

I (16F) am a junior in high school. I do marching band, which is a big part of this story. Lae (18F) (not her real name) is also in band. Me and her were never really close, but because of this whole situation, we’ve gotten closer. This story starts off at a football game. Our band does halftime, and its pretty fun.

On our way to put our stuff away, a band member runs up to our director and states “Lae passed out.” He dropped everything and made his way back to her. To people wondering if she is okay, a member caught her before she hit the ground, and carried her up to where we were at.

While trying to get in contact with her parents, a girl mentioned that Lae was fasting. Some people understood, and we had to explain it to them. To understand what it is, I recommend doing some research. It’s important for this story. The next day, we had state marching band. While at morning practice before we left, Lae passed out again.

Our band director asked if she wanted to sit out for today, but she refused, stating it was her senior year, and she wasn’t going to be on the sidelines for her final year.
While we were there, after we preformed, they took her to the bus, while the rest of us got our photos taken.

She came out in time to get her picture taken and to do group photos. While everyone was getting undressed, they had Lae lay on the ground in the shade with her knees to her chest. A boy, who we are gonna call Alex (not his real name) thought that it was a good time to take a picture of her, and caption it “about to give birth”.

He posted it on the school snapchat story, and it was shared around a lot. Me and Alex used to be really close. Once I saw that he posted it on snapchat, I asked him to take it down, because it was rude, disrespectful, and a i**asion of her privacy. He said that he wasn’t going to take it down, because it was funny.

I asked him again, to please take it down, and he refused again, only this time stating that “she deserves the embarrassment because she’s fasting and fasting is gross and disgusting and she’s supporting the wrong religion.” I completely flipped out when he said that.

I told him that he was sick for thinking that its okay to be disrespectful towards someone’s religion. At this point, his friend, lets call him Bray, got into Alex’s phone, and deleted the story, and he also told the director about the situation.

He moved Alex to a different bus, because he knew that it would only lead to bigger problems, and that he would be talking to Alex’s parents. I’ve had people come up to me and tell me what I was not in a position to do anything about him, or talk to him like that. I just need someone’s opinion on it, because I’ve heard a lot from people around me.

See what others had to share with OP:

King_Gray_Wolf −  Absolutely NTA. You’re right, someone’s religion or personal choices in general should not be disrespected or made fun of like that. Also don’t see how fasting is “gross and disgusting” but the minds of morons are strange things.

However, I am concerned for your friend though. Fasting until collapse even once is already very dangerous and unhealthy, and she’s already done so several times. No medical professional, or spiritual leader who is not a fanatic, would condone this.

In my religion, even for what is considered total fasting, you are still allowed one standard meal, along with up to two smaller meals to maintain strength if needed, and the rubrics state that people under 18 and over 60 aren’t even supposed to fast if they don’t want to, and even between those ages should not fast if it poses medical risk.

Many other similar religions have similar guidelines. Not that it’s your responsibility, but if you feel comfortable doing so, I’d talk to your friend and recommend she speak to her spiritual leader (or doctor, if she’s doing this for medical reasons), so that she has a better and healthier understanding of what she is “expected” to do. Honestly, I’m surprised your coaches and teachers haven’t already reported something

BudandCoyote −  Firstly, you can’t just say ‘do some research’ while being this vague. Many religions have fasts, so unless this happened yesterday (when there was the most important Jewish one), we have no context with which we can figure it out. Secondly, none of those religions expect you to endanger your health when fasting.

Literally none, they all have exemptions built in for health reasons. If your friend was fainting, she should have eaten something, and this needs to be made clear to her somehow – maybe from someone who shares her faith.

If you’re talking Yom Kippur, I know for *certain* as a Jewish person myself, if you’ve collapsed, you should no longer be fasting. The idea is not to make yourself ill.
Thirdly, NTA. You defended someone from being treated horribly, both as a person and as whatever religious minority she is. That is a good thing, and you need to remember that.

mlc885 −  What variety of which religion requires you to fast until you collapse?. ESH. If you cannot safely fast without risking harm you just don’t.

Peony-Pony −  Is your friend fasting for religious purposes or under the supervision of a doctor for a medical reason?

Wandering_aimlessly9 −  Defend your friend. That’s all good and right. Alex is an a hole. But…and this is a big but your friend (for whatever reason she is fasting) is doing something dangerous. To my knowledge no religion forces you to fast until the point of almost dying.

The odds are she’s passing out due to dehydration (depending on the type of fast) or she’s passing out due to low blood sugar. This could be deadly or cause brain damage. Her fasting isn’t healthy for her. (Maybe she’s fasting for too long, maybe she has unknown medical issues…I don’t know.)

but I do know those religions that require fasting also have caveats that say it can only be done in a safe manner and if it isn’t safe their higher ups will excuse you.

Wrong_Most9015 −  NTA. Not even close, that being said it really seems like your friend might be diabetic and needs to talk to a doctor, fasting shouldn’t be causing her to pass out. And there are religious exemptions even within the rules of Islam for these exact reasons (I’m 99% sure). Ignore the i**ot b**ly and talk to your friend about getting some real help.

FineIWillBeOnReddit −  NTA. But your friend passing out is generally accepted by most religions to be a good reason to break a fast.

BeterP −  I recommend doing some research. Why? If this story happened, you’re NTA. Fasting is part of many religions, some of them would frown upon marching bands. Most if not all don’t endorse fasting when your health is in danger.

Mission_Mastodon_150 −  Fasting to the point you collapse is downright dangerous and stupid.

Fishyface321 −  A little concerned no one is acknowledging that what Alex said about participating in a recent fast (we all know which one) was “supporting the wrong religion.” Like, other fasts in other religions are ok, but this one has to do with the “wrong” religion. This is blatantly not ok, but becoming so normalized.

Do you think the user was right to confront Alex over the disrespectful photo, or was it not her place to get involved? How would you have handled the situation? Share your thoughts below!