AITA for spending money on other things when I owe my parents a loan?

A Redditor has been living with her parents while navigating a tough divorce and has recently received an $85,000 interest-free loan from them to purchase a condo. While she appreciates their support, her parents have imposed strict limits on her spending, deeming anything they consider “frivolous” off-limits while she repays the loan.

This has sparked a debate within the family, leaving her feeling frustrated and questioning if she’s in the wrong for wanting to spend her own money on things that bring her joy. Read below to see if you think her parents are being too controlling or if she should adhere to their expectations.

‘ AITA for spending money on other things when I owe my parents a loan?’

I think I am probably the a**hole here, but I’m hoping not. I (39f) have been living with my parents (mid 60’s) for the last year while I go through a horrible divorce. I have 50/50 custody of my girls (2 and 4f) whom my parents are helping me with while I’m there.

My parents just loaned me $85,000 to buy a condo, interest free. The problem is that they feel that while I’m repaying this, I don’t really have the right to buy anything they consider frivolous or unnecessary. This includes things like new clothes, books, craft supplies, basically anything fun.

Even things like new curtains for the condo, because they have working blinds, even if they are u**y and kind of gross. I’m used to spending my money as I please, because it’s mine. If I want a new outfit, I used to have the cash to buy it.

But I’ve had to cut way back in the last year for obvious reasons, and it’s been really hard but I’ve sort of managed it. Now my parents have basically said, no more fun money at all, not even fast food, while I owe them for the house. My initial thought was, it’s my money and if I can afford it I can buy it at my discretion.

But my sister and even my counselor are more on my mom’s side, which makes me think I’m probably in the wrong. So, aita for wanting to spend my own money while I owe my parents money? Is there a happy medium, or should I just stop spending money on everything other than total necessities?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

[Reddit User] −  $85,000 is a lot of money – especially as one closes in on retirement. Your parents likely are feeling pinched and had to dip into their retirement savings to pull that money out to help you.. Yes. YTA.

You might be used to spending your money how you please but as soon as you decided to borrow this money you changed the dynamic of your relationship with your parents. You need to sit down with your parents and figure out an appropriate payment schedule and you need to be paying them that EVERY MONTH.

My guess is if they got a check for $1000 from you every month towards the loan they would not care how else you spend your money – but if they see that you are likely not to pay them back in full because of frivolous spending then yeah, they are going to be PISSED. This was a loan. Not a gift. You need to be paying them back as fast as you possibly can.

Otherwise, take out a mortgage or second mortgage, use the money to pay your parents back immediately and then pay the bank back instead of your parents. I suspect because they are your parents you’ve been treating the repayment very loosey goosey which is why your therapist and sister are siding with your parents here.

Fartin_Scorsese −  Just agree upon a payment schedule, so that you’re giving them an agreed-upon monthly payment, so that you don’t have to worry about whether your spending habits are OK. If your spending is causing you to not make those timely payments, then YTA.

CrabbiestAsp −  INFO: do you have an agreed set amount you’re supposed to pay back on a regular basis or is it just what you can?

argentumvibes −  If there is a payment schedule and you’re fulfilling it, then you have nothing to worry about.. But if there is only a promise to pay back, then splurging on fun stuff looks like you are not really planning to pay back and pushing the loan down the priority list.

GenxBaby2 −  Get a mortgage or line of credit from a bank to pay them back if you don’t like their restrictions.  It will cost you more in the long term but you will be able to spend as frivolously as you like.  Slight YTA because they shouldn’t be paying for your playing.   It is costing them money to give you an interest free loan. 

AgnarCrackenhammer −  YTA. Yes paying your parents back for **buying you a house** takes priority over new outfits and crafts

WatchingTellyNow −  INFO: What is the agreement re repaying the loan? If you’ve agreed to pay $1000/mth and you happen to have $200 left after you’ve paid the loan, fed the kids, paid other necessary expenses, then that $200 is for you to do with as you please because you’re an adult.

That might be a takeaway, new curtains and $75 into your savings account. (All figures just made up for this example). If you haven’t got an agreed repayment schedule then sort it out!

Adventurous-Bend-407 −  When you borrow or lend money there should be an agreement of how much you pay back and how often, and when the loan will be cleared. If you don’t have and agreement in place you need one. If you have an agreement then you need to stick to it as the borrower or the lender. Otherwise YTA.

Ambitious-Sssnake −  INFO How this loan influences your parents finances? Have you made a payment plan for the loan?

PurpleStar1965 −  You consider paying them back as a normal monthly bill just like utilities. You pay your bills first then do whatever you want with what is left over. You are too old to act so e**itled. They did a huge thing for you. YTA.

Is the Redditor justified in wanting to enjoy her own finances despite owing her parents money, or should she prioritize her loan repayments over personal expenditures? What balance do you think should be struck between managing loans and enjoying life? Share your thoughts below!