AITA for sneaking out of the restaurant after my fiance told me to pay for his and his friends meal?

A Redditor (F33) shared her experience of being pressured by her fiancé (M37) into paying for his and his friends’ meal, despite previously telling him she wouldn’t do so. Over time, her fiancé had made a habit of using her salary increase to ask her to pay for things, and this situation was the tipping point.

When he tried to trick her into paying during a dinner with friends, she chose to sneak out and leave him with the bill. This caused an argument, with him accusing her of being selfish and irrational. Is she in the wrong for what she did, or was she justified? Read the full story below for more details.

‘ AITA for sneaking out of the restaurant after my fiance told me to pay for his and his friends meal?’

I (F33) have been engaged to my fiance (M37) for 5 months. We don’t share finance because that’s what he wants. I got a raise on my salary. now I earn 30% more than he does and I noticed that he’s been using this to ask me to pay for him and his friends. Whenever I say “no” or “why should I pay for this?” he’d respond with “the 30% that’s why”. he acts as if the 30% is unfair or that I’m not dserveing of it.

Several times he has tricked me to pay for his and his friend’s meals by asking me publicly. Let me say that I’m too nice to say “no”, I hate confrontation especially when we’re at a public place like a restaurant so I just grin and pay.

Last tuesday, he asked me to join him and his buddies for dinner. I told him from the start I wasn’t paying for their food and he shouldn’t expect me to. He said he “got this” and “no worries”. We got to the restaurant. Met his friends, ordered food. And in the middle of the meal he leaned in and whispered that I would be paying for everything he and his friends ordered.

I got so mad I whispered back “noooo” but he probably relied on me not causing a scene in public and infront of his friends. he said “you have enough money you could pay for everyone’s food, 30% remember?”.

I was fuming inside. instead of reacting negatively and losing my temper. I waited til the bills arrived (they were already split from the start when we first ordered) I paid for mine then I excused myself to the restroom. I then sneaked out from there, got into my car and went home.

I started getting phonecalls from my fiance then texts asking where I was. I texted back saying I didn’t appreciate how he put me in this situation and basically tricking me into paying for his and his friends food. I told him I went home then stopped replying.

An hour later he came and started yelling at me calling me selfish, irrational, cheapskate and childish for sneaking out like that and leaving him stuck with a bill he could not pay (He had to call his brother for help). We had a loud argument then he walked out.

His friends didn’t speak to me on this but he told me they’re disappointed in my behavior and are telling him to take time and “reflect” on the type of woman he’s gonna be married to. AITA for what I did? Is what he’s expecting from me fair or justified?..

ETA: Some info:

(1) he said that because the restaurant wasn’t expensive then I could have just paid.

(2) He admitted not telling me about it til later knowing I’d refuse. He still thinks my reaction was childish and unacceptable.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

madelinegumbo −  Why are you marrying someone who insists that his money is his money, but your money is also his money? Editing to address judgment due to question being answered. NTA.

[Reddit User] −  I bet his friends didn’t say that, not unless he lied to them in the first place. NTA unless you’re planning to stay with this dishonest, abusive user. I’m so BORED of men calling women irrational when they don’t do as they’re told.

cooperla −  I feel like you’re the one that needs to do the reflecting on the type of man you’ll be married to… 🚩

Shoddy_Lifeguard_852 −  **RUN!!! DO NOT WALK. RUN. RUN AWAY. RUN VERY FAR..**. You are engaged to a massive mooch who has surrounded himself with mooch friends. **They are a pack of mooches.** Why does he expect you to pay for him *and* his friends because you earn more???? Why aren’t they paying their way???

The best news out of all of this is “*his friends didn’t speak to me on this but he told me they’re disappointed in my behavior and …are telling him to take time and “reflect” on the type of woman he’s gonna be married to.*” Please, please don’t marry this guy.

niennabobenna −  Esh. You need to stand up for yourself. And probably not be engaged to this person. You’re being an AH to yourself for letting this foolishness continue.. He is TH for obvious reasons.

LongTallMatt −  NTA. Please do not marry this person. Please do not procreate with this person.

Jocelyn-1973 −  NTA.. Run, Forrest, Run. Red flags everywhere. Financial abuse waiting to happen. And being with an a**hole who will sabotage you when you have the audacity to do better than him.

AdventurousDoubt1115 −  Why are you still engaged to him.. You set a boundary.. He ignored it. Then he continues to put you in situations where he assumes he can embarrass you enough that you will do what he wants. When you don’t comply he loses his s**t on you.

That is absolutely horrible, and I can’t believe you are even considering that you may be the a**hole here. He is a grade A a**hole, and all too happy to take advantage of you financially and pressure you into doing things you don’t want to do and trying to use social situations to manipulate you. I would not be able to marry someone knowing they had this quality – it displays that he has really poor character and would be a huge dealbreaker for me.

CrystalQueen3000 −  NTA. But he needs to be an ex. Instead of being happy for your achievements he’s bitter and jealous.. He’s entitled He manipulates you into paying for his friends because he counts on your embarrassment to not cause a scene. When he fucked around too many times and you didn’t let him, he turned up at your house to yell and berate you. You’re the one that needs “reflect”, not him.. I promise you, you can do better.

Coffeeandcrimeglobal −  NTA. Why is he still your fiancé? He’s conning and tricking you

Do you think the Redditor’s reaction was justified, or should she have handled the situation differently? Can a partner ever expect such financial arrangements in a relationship, or is this a clear boundary violation? Share your thoughts on relationships and finances in the comments below!