AITA for snapping at my mom during wedding planning?

A Reddit user is facing tension with her mother during the early stages of wedding planning. Her mother insists that she invite certain family members she doesn’t want at her wedding, advising her to “invite them and hope they don’t show.” The user, however, feels strongly that it’s her wedding and that she shouldn’t have to accommodate people she doesn’t want there.

With her mother also making comments about other aspects of the wedding, like the flower girl’s dress clashing with the planned color scheme, the user is wondering if she’s being unreasonable—or if she should take full control by paying for the wedding herself. To dive into the details, read the original post below.

‘ AITA for snapping at my mom during wedding planning?’

She keeps telling me that there are certain people I “just have to invite and hope they don’t show,” but why can’t I just not invite them? I don’t want my creepy uncle at my wedding. I don’t want his annoying kids at my wedding.

I don’t want my a**hole aunt and her SJW son at my wedding. It’s MY wedding. Am I being a bridezilla?? Why do I have to invite people to celebrate ME getting married when I don’t want them there??

Edit: Some folks have asked how much she’s paying for the wedding. We haven’t talked about it much, but she says she wants to contribute. She’s also mentioned a thing here or there that I’ll have to “get over,” like putting the flower girl (my baby sister) in burgundy so she’ll “pop out” when the color scheme is emerald and gold.

I kind of just want to pay for the wedding myself so that she’ll get out of my face. I’d have to take out a loan, but I have 0 debt, so I’d be fine. I’ve been engaged for less than a week and she’s already really been pressing my buttons.

UPDATE: I called my fiancé when he got off work to vent to him a bit, and he’s just the best. He reminded me that even if these people show up, we agreed when we started planning the wedding that we don’t want to elope or have a small ceremony. We need my mom, but this is a battle I can choose to lose.

He even said that if these people come, we can come up with a code where he can come over and rescue me if I get trapped in an awkward moment. I can feel the bridezilla calming down. I’m still not thrilled, but at the end of the day, he’s right; if we want to afford our dream wedding, I’ll have to invite some people I don’t want to see.

And then I can avoid them! I’ll be setting some firm boundaries with the flower girl dress, though, and most everything else. Thanks for making me feel like I’m not crazy. Planning this wedding with my mom has made me feel like I’m insane and we’ve only been planning for four days.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

EJ_1004 −  NTA. My Mom and also got into an argument about this while I was engaged so I decided to elope instead. No guests = I can do as I please. And no, if you don’t plan on having relationships with these people moving forward, and if you have the cojones to not care what your other relatives may think then don’t invite them, especially if you’re the one paying.

“Mom, I understand that we have different mentalities regarding wedding invitations but I’m not inviting people I don’t want there, and if you continue to push you will not be involved in any further planning. I want this day, and the days leading up to, to be as stress free as possible. I’m fine dealing with our relatives ire, if they have any problems send them my way and they’ll be dealt with accordingly.”

AnAverageRedditorFan −  NTA – It’s your wedding, so only you (and your spouse) decide who can come. The argument that you have to invite all family members because it’s family is absolute nonsense. If you don’t want to invite someone, you don’t have to invite them. And you don’t have to justify this decision.

2_old_for_this_spit −  NTA. Your mother already had her wedding, now it’s your turn. Limit your guest list to people you actually want there. Choose your attendant’s outfits according to your wishes, and trust me, your little sister won’t need a different color to be noticed. Work with your fiance to create a day that reflects both of your dreams.

Do yourself a favor and make sure that you put in writing with the venue and every vendor involved that only you and your fiance are authorized to make any changes or additions, and create a password that they must verify before they even speak to anyone. Let your mother know that anyone not on YOUR guest list will be asked to leave the venue.

ApprehensiveRoad8818 −  NTA. Pay for the small intimate wedding you can afford. Plan it yourself and give your mum one thing to concentrate on, something that you don’t mind her stuffing up. The smaller you have it, the easier it is to send a mass email out to family to explain why there’s no general invitation.

Honestly, it’s worth taking charge and asking her to relax and step back. If I’d asked my mum to help plan my wedding it would have been pizza and fish n chips at the local scout den.

ElderBerryMogul −  It’s always a tricky issue with weddings, particularly if you are hosting a big wedding and most of your family is invited. To me, you are NTA. It’s your wedding and if you do not want someone there then you should not feel obligated to invite them.

SadLocal8314 −  NTA. At no time is inviting someone and praying they don’t come acceptable. The caveat is that if you don’t invite them, you will probably have no relationship with them-which can be a plus. Also, if you invite them, and they don’t come, you have wasted the money paying for them at the reception.. So no, don’t invite.

Future-Nebula74656 −  Nta. Pay for it yourself… Choose the people who will be happy for you…. And don’t feel pressured to put ANYONE in your wedding party you don’t want.

ymsasp −  NTA. It is your day and you should be able to invite who you want. If it makes you uncomfortable to have those people there then that is totally valid. Your mom needs to respect your wishes. You should not feel guilt over this desicion.

Jealous-Contract7426 −  NTA – do a wedding you can afford, elope, or take out the loan but remove your mom’s financial sway and then decide what you actually want (with your fiance) and only do that. No you don’t have to invite anyone you don’t want at your wedding and you don’t even have to have a flower girl let alone dressing her in burgundy.

More than anything else remember that this is just one day. This is a day where you and the person you love take vows honoring that love before the people you both love. And then you get a party (or a down payment on a house if you decide to elope). But this is one day. It is the future days that matter.

ridgey143 −  NTA! Dont take any money, pick and choose your guests and enjoy.