AITA for skipping my in-laws’ Christmas sleepover to stay home alone?

A Reddit user shares their story of skipping their in-laws’ annual Christmas sleepover for the first time in over a decade to prioritize their mental health. After a challenging year and significant personal losses, they chose to spend the holiday alone to decompress and reflect. However, their decision was met with guilt trips and pushback from their mother-in-law and sister-in-law. Were they wrong to set boundaries for their well-being? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for skipping my in-laws’ Christmas sleepover to stay home alone?’

For Context: For the past 10+ years, I’ve been to almost every major family gathering my in-laws have hosted. Big holidays, birthdays, random get-togethers—I’ve shown up, smile on my face, ready to appease and check the “good family member” box. This year, though, I decided I needed to hit pause. Specifically, I decided not to go to their traditional Christmas sleepover and instead stay home…alone.

This isn’t a flippant decision either. I’ve been in therapy and taking leave from work because of a lot of heavy emotional and mental stuff. I lost both my parents a few years apart, and my dad passed before Thanksgiving, so last year was a complete blur. I’ve been putting in a ton of work in therapy and finally feel like the fog is lifting enough for me to process things in a more meaningful way. Spending the holiday by myself this year felt like the right thing for me — to reflect, reset, and just be without all the external noise.

When I told my MIL, though, things did not go the way I hoped. I explained, as calmly and kindly as I could, that this had absolutely nothing to do with them and everything to do with me needing time for my mental and emotional health. She said things like, “Why can’t you just s**k it up for one day?” and “Are you sure your therapist didn’t plant this idea in your head?” She even asked if I had other plans, if they’d done something wrong, or if I didn’t see them as family anymore.

She ultimately said she’d have to “accept it”, but she made it clear she wasn’t happy. What really caught me off guard is that she’s been one of my loudest supporters when it comes to telling me to take care of myself…so this guilt trip felt a little…contradictory?

Gave SIL the same reasons, her response? “Don’t you have all the time in the world right now?” She went on to say it’s “sad” I want to be alone during the holidays and tried to guilt me into changing my mind because “the holidays are for family.” I wasn’t prepared for this level of pushback and guilt-tripping. They’ve always been super accommodating when my spouse has had anxiety-induced no-shows, so the fact that they’re treating me differently makes me feel a little… idk, targeted?

I’m proud of myself for prioritizing my mental health but also feeling like maybe I royally screwed up and thinking about how this might hurt our relationships long-term. I know I disappointed people, but hearing them invalidate me and push back made me double down. At this point, even if caved and went, I would be resentful. Am I the j**k for sticking to my boundaries?

TL;DR: Skipping my in-laws’ Christmas sleepover for the first time in 10+ years to stay home alone and decompress. MIL and SIL guilt-tripped me hard, and now I’m second-guessing myself. AITA for sticking to my decision?

See what others had to share with OP:

needsmorecoffee −  NTA Do not put off caring for your mental health for people who apparently don’t seem to care about it. “S**k it up”?? That’s awful.

DesertSong-LaLa −  NTA – It’s sad they simply could not say, “You will be missed but it’s important you do what is best for you.” Life is about loving another even when we cannot relate to or understand what they are going through. Absolutely stick with your decision. Manifest what you want this holiday to be and do it. Best to you!

LingonberryNo2455 −  Absolutely NTA. What does your husband say about this?

darkstarr82 −  NTA, but your MIL and SIL sure are. They’ve just shown you exactly what they think of your needs and well being.

Tinkerpro −  Why isn’t your spouse staying home with you???????? Tell both MIL and SIL that you appreciate their understanding and support and are disappointed that they feel their wants and needs are more important than yours. Sometimes the words bite me are appropiate.

Lizdance40 −  NTA anyone who has lost a loved one knows that the first holidays after loss are absolutely devastating. Them telling you to s**k it up is the rudest thing! You do not need to make excuses. Just tell them you’re not going to be there. You husband needs to back you up.

General_Relative2838 −  NTA. You need to put your mental health first. The thought of a holiday sleepover gives me anxiety.

midcen-mod1018 −  NTA. I wouldn’t say anything else to them about it, but if they bring it up, I’d shut it down with, “I did what I needed after a very difficult time. I’m not going to discuss it any more or be scolded like a child.” And be prepared to end the conversation if they push it. Your husband should also have your back. I also had to cancel some plans for my mental health this year. Do something good for your inner child this Christmas.

Anxious_Reporter_601 −  I think possibly the friction here is in that you’ve pre-planned this as opposed to your partner no-showing due to anxiety being a last minute thing? I can see them feeling there’s a difference between wanting to be there but not being able to, and actively choosing in advance not to be there. Does that make sense?

Ok_Stable7501 −  Adult children still have sleepovers with their parents? So they can rush to the tree and open their toys Christmas morning in matching footie pajamas? There are people in this post that need therapy, but not OP. NTA.