AITA for singling out my boyfriend who never tips the server at a restaurant?

A Redditor reflects on a recent dinner outing with friends where they felt compelled to address their boyfriend’s consistent refusal to tip servers. While discussing the importance of tipping, they made a pointed comment, giving their boyfriend a knowing look.

Although their friends were unaware of the situation, the boyfriend recognized the subtle jab and expressed his displeasure afterward. As the couple drives home, tensions rise over the issue of tipping, leading the user to question whether they were in the wrong for singling him out. To delve into this dining dilemma, read the original story below.

‘ AITA for singling out my boyfriend who never tips the server at a restaurant?’

My boyfriend (40m), myself, and 3 other friends went out for dinner a few days ago for some burgers and alcohol. We had a great time, service was great, and the experience was very enjoyable. It was time for us to pay our bills. All of us paid separate checks.

When we were all getting our credit cards out to pay, I said out loud to everybody just simply as a conversation “Make sure to tip our waitress! She was amazing! Don’t be that type of person who doesn’t tip. Come on, guys!”

Not going to lie, I gave my boyfriend a blank stare when I said that. My boyfriend never tips. He is one of those people where he only wants to pay what is on the bill. No more. No less.

I have had conversations in the past with him explaining to him on the etiquette of tipping your waitress since they only make $1.37 an hour where we live and they literally rely on tips, but he does not care.

Anyways, back to the restaurant. None of our friends caught I was looking at my boyfriend because they were all focused on grabbing their credit cards and they simply did not know that he is not a tipper.

As usual, my boyfriend did not tip the waitress, but myself and everybody else did. We said good-bye to our friends and went home. My boyfriend and I took the same car home. He brought up the situation to me in the car.

He said “I knew you were singling me out at the restaurant when you brought up the tipping topic. I saw that look you gave me.” I apologized immediately since he did not sound very thrilled based off the tone of his voice.

I expressed my concern, once again, on how I felt about him never tipping. As usual, he tells me how he literally does not care about tipping and never will anytime soon. The topic changed from there. I’ve been thinking about this situation all week. AITA for this or do you think ESH?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Adanar01 −  The US is f**king insane

jasimo −  Hey, hey. You, you.. I don’t like your boyfriend.. Hey, hey. You, you.. I think you need a new one.. NTA

Adventurous-Ad-7323 −  The a**hole here is the restaurant for paying their staff just over a dollar an hour. Instead of companies paying a fair wage, they’ve successfully turned you against your boyfriend by making you think he’s the one responsible for paying the staff wages.

RandomGuy_81 −  Yta for trying to change him repeatedly when he doesnt want to change. Stop trying to change him. If he wants to be this way. Hes allowed. If you dont want to date someone who is this way. Dont date him Either break up with him or wait till he breaks up with you for pulling this attempt to publicly shame him

fallingintopolkadots −  NTA. I’d give serious pause about dating a grown ass man who is so disrespectful and stingy. Red flag. Yuck.

daphreak1 −  YTA. My guess is most people will say you’re not the a**hole because most of reddit loves tipping and see red automatically. But thats not the question here: the question is whether you verbally calling out your boyfriend in the restaurant to shame him into doing something you know he doesnt want to and wont do is appropriate.

It is not. If you have a problem with what he does you shouldn’t gang up on him in public and try to shame him into changing things. That just makes you an a**hole. If this is a serious issue for you then break up with him because he doesnt seem like he is going to change and its his choice.

His “bad” behavior does not excuse your bad behavior. And why did you apologize? If you believed this was appropriate why didnt you defend yourself? Probably because this post is more about you trying to prove your boyfriend is an a**hole for not tipping than anyone judging your actual behavior.

[Reddit User] −  I’m from the UK and would say YTA because tipping isn’t a massive thing here. I worked many years in catering and was fine with it. If someone doesn’t want to tip, that’s fine and shouldn’t be shamed. But I know you Yanks are obsessive over tipping so I imagine my viewpoint is void.

mubi_merc −  YTA for how you went about it. Have an adult conversation in private instead of trying to embarrass him around friends. If he wont change his position, then either break up if it’s important to you, or leave it alone.

gh_0un −  Let me get this straight. You already knew that your boyfriend doesn’t tip. So the entire purpose of you singling him out in front of everybody, was either to embarrass him or to shame him. I don’t know about you, but I don’t go out and do things in public with the purpose to specifically embarrass or shame my wife.

Whenever you are out with your guy, your purpose, in any social interaction that could change his reputation, is to make him look good, publicly. In return you make yourself look good, because you chose someone who’s… You guessed it, good.

Now you made him look like a j**k, and people will think of him as a j**k, and they will also think of you as a j**k who shouldn’t be together with a j**k. So if your intention was to publicly show that you don’t actually like your boyfriend, you succeeded.. YTA.

stroppo −  YTA, because it seemed a passive aggressive way to call him out. Since you’ve talked to him about it before and he didn’t change his behavior I’m not sure what you hoped to accomplish; sounds like you were deliberately trying to embarrass him.

I guess you have to decide, is this going to be a deal breaker for you? He’s obviously not going to change his behavior. Do you want to be with someone like that, maybe feeling you should leave a larger tip or cash if you dine out with him and he doesn’t tip?

Do you think the user was justified in calling out her boyfriend about tipping, or should she have kept her concerns private? How would you handle a partner’s behavior that conflicts with your values in public settings? Share your thoughts in the comments below!