AITA for showing my boyfriends family a video of my parents that showed them in a negative light?

A Reddit user, a 16-year-old boy, has been struggling with feelings of disappointment from his parents ever since they found out he was a boy instead of the girl they had always wanted. Years later, he shared a video of his parents’ gender reveal party with his boyfriend’s family, which showed his parents celebrating the news of having a daughter.

The video upset his boyfriend’s family and sparked a confrontation with his own parents after they learned he shared it. Now, he’s questioning if he was wrong for showing the video. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for showing my boyfriends family a video of my parents that showed them in a negative light?’

I’ll (16M) try to keep this brief(ish). 4 years ago my parents found out they were expecting a girl. Even though stuff was all closed and we were meant to stay home, they threw a huge gender reveal because they had always wanted a girl and wanted to celebrate the fact they were getting a girl with everyone they knew.

My parents took video of their reaction and one they posted to their socials at the time. It was of them screaming and crying and cheering that they *had their dream come true, getting the child they always dreamed of, the daughter they had always wanted and how they couldn’t wait to be parents*.

The video got taken down after mom’s sister told her she had no idea how lucky she was to have a healthy child and went no contact with my parents (she and her husband had fertility trouble and couldn’t have kids).

But I knew from a really early age I disappointed my parents by being a boy. Looking at photos and videos of them before me vs after me, you can see the joy fade. They were told I was a girl. Had clothes, a nursery and everything set up for a girl. They even had a name picked out for girl me.

Then I was born a boy. The only “family photos” of us I have is from the first couple of weeks of my life. They never bothered to take any with me afterward. There are photos of us with extended family but like just me and them over the 12 years of my life? Nah. And even now they have so many taken with the girl of their dreams they finally had but I’m not in any of them.

I also found out through extended family that another family member named me because they didn’t want to think of boys names they were so disappointed. I basically live with them as a distant roommate. We don’t eat together or do anything together. Mostly that works for me.

My boyfriend (16) was my best friend before we started going out and his family were always more like my family. I was at his grandparents house to celebrate their wedding anniversary with the family and talk of my parents came up and everyone kinda knows how s**tty they are but not really.

So I told them about the video and some of my boyfriends family were struggling to believe they’d post it. I showed them a screenshot I had of the video on my mom’s account and then showed the video. They were really upset by the reaction.

Everyone said it was like they were first time parents and his grandma got kinda teary thinking of me being there at the time watching it. My parents found out because my boyfriends mom basically told my mom how awful she was. My parents said I had no business showing anyone and wanted to know why I even had it. I told them I keep it in case I need to remember how they really feel about me.. AITA?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

owls_and_cardinals −  NTA. I wish your BF’s mom had kept her mouth shut because she pretty much just made things worse for you, in a way, but ultimately your parents are massive AHs, to the point the term AH doesn’t even feel applicable. It’s always interesting when people get mad over their own actions, you know?

They, as adults, set up that entire situation, filmed it, posted it. They said the things they did in that video. They have spent the last 16 years of your life treating you like an unwelcomed stranger. And…. they’re mad that someone saw this and called them out for it?

They obviously are not actually reflecting on their actions or words or their impact, they are just stuck in a victim mindset. Keep your head down and move out as soon as you’re able. None of this is your fault. You don’t owe them discretion by keeping this video or you feelings about them a secret.

Freeverse711 −  NTA. They already posted it online for everyone to see, so what exactly is the difference?

Dalfina −  NTA, 🫂 I’m happy your chosen family cares enough to say something. They get to miss out on those special moments. I kind of feel more sorry for them. To be that shallow is sad. Get therapy so their bad behavior doesn’t affect you in your future, and go live an amazing life without them!

KimB-booksncats-11 −  “But I knew from a really early age I disappointed my parents by being a boy. Looking at photos and videos of them before me vs after me, you can see the joy fade.” …. “I showed them a screenshot I had of the video on my mom’s account and then showed the video.

They were really upset by the reaction. Everyone said it was like they were first time parents and his grandma got kinda teary thinking of me being there at the time watching it.”

Your parents DESERVE to be shown in a negative light because they S**K!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NTA. Hang in for 2 more years and then drop your toxic parents from your life and live it to the fullest in spite of them!

extinct_diplodocus −  NTA. They, themselves, put this video on the internet. Acquaint them with the concept that “the internet is forever” and you’re probably not the only place where a copy of that video can be found. If they’ve done something to be ashamed of, then the fix for this is to correct the behavior, not to try to suppress the truth.

Neutral_Guy_9 −  Therapy time!

Effigy4urcruelty −  S**tty people always get upset when their shittiness is revealed.. NTA

Inner_Goat1091 −  NTAH. So they think the problem is you showing people this awful thing they did, and not they doing It in the first place?

Inner-Nothing7779 −  NTA. Damn, that is terrible. I was happy for all of my kids. Both boys and both girls and both stepdaughters. Your parents s**k. I’m sorry they treated you like that. But, they are finding out that they s**k and don’t like it. They are literally the badguys and don’t want to be reminded of it. I’m sorry they treat you that way.

I’m just a random internet dad, but I’m proud of you. You keep a good head on your shoulders and you’ll do great. Now go buy your boyfriend some flowers or Lego or what ever cool s**t he likes to show him some love!

maleficentwasright −  NTA. She posted it on social media and only took it down because her behaviour was called out publicly by her sister. And before that, who knows how many people in attendance or those who seen it that wasn’t invited/didn’t attend because of the pandemic *thought* what your BFs mum said to her too.

Its one thing to have gender disappointment (which i personally dont get), but to take it out on the child for simply existing in that gender honestly makes me so angry. I’m glad you have your BFs family and extended family who love you for you, not what your parents wanted you to be.

Do you think the user was justified in sharing the video to express his feelings, or did he overstep by showing something personal that could hurt his parents? How would you handle a situation where family dynamics are strained? Share your thoughts below!