AITA for showing ” everybody” what my ex wrote on his final check to me?
A Redditor shares the fallout from her ex-husband’s mocking message on his final alimony check. After 14 years of marriage and raising three children, she’s been struggling with health issues and has relied on child support and alimony.
When her ex wrote “Freedom – good luck then” in the memo, she shared it with friends, leading to her children finding out. Now, her son is sending her extra money to help, but her ex is backtracking and claiming it was just for her. She’s left wondering if she’s in the wrong for exposing his mockery. Read the full story below.
‘ AITA for showing ” everybody” what my ex wrote on his final check to me?’
I (51F) divorced my ex husband ( 53M) 7 years ago. We were married for 14 years and had 3 kids together ( 24M, 22F, 18F). I was a SAHM and I suffered from constipation that, while doctors say isn’t definitely IBS, has made me suffer from joint and back pain when I eat things like dairy or any of my other food sensitivities.
We live in New Jersey and the judge made it so that child support and alimony would both end at the same time. I had a lot of issues in my marriage, but at the very least, I have three great kids that I love me and who love me. My ex has been very bitter, saying I should have wanted counseling even though I was completely neurotypical and it was him suffering from depression.
He also discredited my want to divorce by saying I was acting out of emotion and asked me to take a step back and think, as if I haven’t been thinking before. He was always working 12 hour days and overtime, and I was the one taking care of and giving the kids what they needed.
My son now has graduated college and is a genius- he has his own app development company and makes more than my ex and I could ever dream of making in a year. My 22 year old daughter has a degree in nursing, and is marrying and her fiance comes from money so she’s set as well.
However, as for me, I’ve been suffering from menopause and back aches and a lot of the entry level jobs that would hire me would leave me in pain and exhausted. That hasn’t stopped my ex from griping and dismissing my real pains.
Long story short, he sent me my last child support and alimony check. In the memo of the alimony check, he wrote ” Freedom- good luck then.” It was such a mockery to the health issues I’ve suffered and all I’ve put in to the family. I showed my friends and they agreed he’s still a blunt, daft individual. My 18 yo was there and she said she couldn’t believe he thought that way of her.
Then my older kids found out through screenshots, and because of my health issues, my son has been sending me $3k a month while my ex sends me $2.5k plus what’s needed for our youngest daughter. He spent a lot of his childhood with unmarried parents and resents the fact my ex proposed to his girlfriend (48F) after only 2 years.
He called his dad a b**tard and said he and my 22 yo would always help me out. He had been saying he would just make up what I’d lose from my ex because he could afford $5.5k, but he told me my ex had been telling him to save his money and only send me under $2k.
My ex is now backtracking and saying he only wrote it on ” my” check, but the kids are not amused. He invited them to his wedding but my 22 yo said she might be better off just focusing on her own wedding, and that she’d help me out too if I needed it. AITA for blasting him when he clearly wrote it to be seen? He’s always painted me as the greedy ex, it seems.
Here’s how people reacted to the post:
beefjerkyandcheetos − YTA. Your whole vibe is just… off. Sure you have ibs or constipation. I hope you’re avoiding trigger foods. Why are you showing your kids what your ex put on the check? Why are you taking so much from them. You need that much to live? Why is it so important that your daughter is marrying into money? Why is your focus on money like this.
He was working 12 hour days to provide for his family. Do you know how hard that is on a person! Mentally and physically, it’s very draining. I’m not one to s**t on stay at home moms. My mother was a stay at home mom and worked her ass off with us kids. But do not diminish your ex’s efforts and contributions to the family. Don’t try and cause rifts between him and his kids.
Also I really hate to be this type of person. But I find it hard to believe you can’t find a job and work a little. I work with people who have had knee replacements and still can barely walk. People who have had tumors removed from their Brain. A girl who has some chronic digestive disorder.
She’s constantly in the bathroom. But she works. So many people work that really have a hard time doing so. But they have to survive. You have joint pain and ibs. I’m not saying it doesn’t affect you. But… come on. You can’t get an entry level job? Call center? Nothing? Just take your kids money?
facinationstreet − *divorced my ex husband ( 53M) 7 years ago*. Seven years ago. Isn’t it time to move on?. *I suffered from constipation* Um, what does this have to do with anything? If you know you have food sensitivities, STOP EATING THAT FOOD.
YTA. You are way too invested in continuing your grievance train against your ex, who has clearly moved on from you. You are more than happy to take $5.5K from your kids per MONTH? You expect them to make up for the alimony you will no longer receive? You’ve had 7 years to find a job that doesn’t ‘exhaust’ your constipation. The only thing you can concentrate on is slamming your ex one last time and throwing a pity party to your kids about alimony ending.
been2thehi4 − YTA. I don’t know what your constipation or other stuff have to do with this situation other than you thinking it’s an excuse. He was ordered to pay alimony and child support. The last check was just a petty dig and why ever you divorced him is justified. People can divorce when and why they want to. Being petty isn’t exactly mature but that’s just whatever.
However, I don’t think it’s ok to mooch off your kids now that your alimony and child support is over. I don’t think they should be forking over thousands a month to you because you can’t find work you want because you are going through menopause and have gas. I changed my opinion from ESH to YTA as he only wrote it on the alimony check. To which he is right, he is free from having to pay you alimony now.
As others have pointed out, you seem to want to do your damndest to pit your kids against their dad. If they have reasons for that resentment they should come to those opinions themselves, not because you are bitter and pushing the narrative.
Btw, marrying someone else years after your relationship ended and after 2 years dating is totally fine. Your kids hang up on that is unjustified. Especially since *you left him.*
Frankly, you sound like someone who makes a mountain out of a molehill with your ailments and your problems, which aren’t debilitating, just annoying. Take gas X and as for menopause, plenty of women go through it. It’s not a reason you can’t work.
Taking your kids money, in the thousands a month, is s**tty. They don’t owe you financial help, just like your ex is now off the hook for that as well. It is wrong to expect your kids to just give you money a month to live off. They will have their own lives and maybe their own families one day.
Relying solely on them as income in unfair and I guarantee that rich little fiancé of your daughter is not going to go for that. Nor would any other spouse one of your kids would have. I sure as hell wouldn’t and I can’t fathom expecting my kids to pay for me. They aren’t a 401k lady.
I have 4 kids, just because we popped out some kids doesn’t mean they owe us financially. Sure family helps out here and there but Jesus Christ, you are expecting your son alone to pay you 66k a year for being his mom. Who do you think you are?! **I came back to this thread to see if she commented at all and I finally see she has.**
**Lady, you are a giant a**hole! Your husband was a saint and honestly after getting more info from just your general character, he should have put “Bye Bishhh !” In the check memo. You can apparently spend summers in Germany but can’t work any jobs because you can’t s**t regularly and are going through menopause. You are being god damn ridiculous. Get a f**king job and don’t siphon off your kids. Pathetic.**
RoyalFalse − My ex has been very bitter, saying I should have wanted counseling even though I was completely neurotypical and it was him suffering from depression.
Being “neurotypical” doesn’t exclude you from counseling or the benefits it could provide. He was always working 12 hour days and overtime, and I was the one taking care of and giving the kids what they needed.
You thought he was working twelve hour days and overtime because he felt like it? Long story short, he sent me my last child support and alimony check. In the memo of the alimony check, he wrote ” Freedom- good luck then.” It was such a mockery to the health issues I’ve suffered and all I’ve put in to the family.
How is this a mockery of your health issues? Sure, it’s a bit petty, but nobody would imply it’s because he’s free of his kids unless somebody (ie: you) would use it to drive a wedge between them. He spent a lot of his childhood with unmarried parents and resents the fact my ex proposed to his girlfriend (48F) after only 2 years.
He called his dad a b**tard and said he and my 22 yo would always help me out. He had been saying he would just make up what I’d lose from my ex because he could afford $5.5k, but he told me my ex had been telling him to save his money and only send me under $2k Two years is a fair gap between relationships. He found new love; good for him.
This is all obfuscating the fact that it is NOT your 24M and 22F responsibility to take care of you. Who cares if they “can afford it”…there’s so much of their own futures that they can save for instead of being guilt-tripped by you into covering the loss of child support/alimony. You need to get over yourself and focus on the future of your kids rather than winning a pissing contest with your ex. YTA.
1. You showed the cheque to your children, so YOU want it to be seen.
2. Your husband was referring to his freedom to pay. Not great but I don’t think he was referring to your health.
3. Your kids are giving you a LOT of money each month. Lucky you. You knew this day was coming, but you don’t seem to have prepared. I’m glad your children are turning out successful. I’m sorry for your pain.
It does sound like you are helping to turn your kids against their father (and a 53 year old man dating a 48 year old woman 2 years after a separation is not shocking). Edited to add…you wanted the divorce, so glad he moved on. Ultimately, YTA for how you are turning your kids against their dad when he comes across as reasonable.
JonasSimbacca − Gooood damn he stepped squarely on a landmine. I couldnt imagine working 12’s plus overtime, supporting my wife through her poop problems, just to have her turn around and divorce me fully aware that i’m clinically depressed. On top of that she takes credit for their kids careers because she was a SAHM while he sacrificed all of his time working to support the entire household. $5.5k a month damn you are one expensive overgrown child.
14ccet1 − I’m confused by the insinuation that only neurodivergent individuals can benefit from therapy? Anyone, neurotypical or neurodivergent aside, can benefit from therapy. Reading your post, it sounds like you would fall into that category
Legitimate-State8652 − YTA – I keep thinking this is a troll based on all of the triggers in the story. OP seems to be mad about being a SAHM and having ailments….but then also mad he worked so much. And if divorced 7 years ago….kids were pretty much grown at that point. No need to be a SAHM for a ten year old in school.
potenttechnicality − YTAH, maybe he is too but not from this. Was what he wrote on the check petty, yes. But you don’t come off very well in your story either. e.g , He was always working 12 hour days and overtime, and I was the one taking care of and giving the kids what they needed. He wasn’t working for fun he was providing essential resources without which you couldn’t have raised or properly cared for those kids.
For someone who doesn’t earn money, you’ve got an unhealthy focus on it. e.g., how significant it is that your daughter is marrying into money. The childish note on your check was clearly directed only at you but you’ve made it obvious your agenda was to ensure your kids thought it was about them.
That’s even more petty and aggressive than the note and makes it seem not as bad in comparison. Your divorce sounds bitter and it sounds like you’ve worked hard to pass your resentment along to your kids. Nothing you’ve told us about here earns that on his behalf. Please, don’t furiously edit in a laundry list of your grievances.
Singlehandedlyyy69 − All these years wtf were you doing when the kids were at school?
Do you think the user was justified in sharing her ex’s hurtful comment with her friends, or should she have kept it private? How would you handle a situation like this with an ex? Share your thoughts below!