AITA for sharing my opinion with my brother and warning him about his wife unprompted?

A Reddit user shares a complex family situation involving their brother, his wife, and his children. The brother’s new relationship with Emma has caused tension with his kids, especially due to Emma’s jealousy of their late mother. Despite warnings from the user about Emma’s negative attitude toward the children and the possibility of it causing further issues, the brother dismissed the advice. The user seeks judgment on whether they overstepped by sharing their concerns unprompted. Read the original story below for more details.

‘ AITA for sharing my opinion with my brother and warning him about his wife unprompted?’

My brother (36M) and his wife Emma (35F) have known each other for the best part of 2 decades. They were in the same friend group toward the end of high school and lost touch after graduation for a while, but ended up reconnecting when the larger friend group reconnected.

Then Emma moved away and they lost touch again. In that time my brother got married and had his kids (11M&9F). Emma moved back about 5 years ago and started spending more time with the old friend group, my brother included. Though they didn’t seem to get closer until after the d**th of one of their shared friends.

My brother’s marriage to the mother of his children was never super great. It only got worse when the kids were no longer babies however and they separated 4 years ago. Their divorce was finalized a little over two years later.
Before the divorce was finalized my brother and Emma started dating.

They broke up briefly and got back together but Emma’s attitude toward the kids mom was incredibly negative around the time of the breakup and remained the same after they got back together. Emma and my brother got engaged fast and then my brother’s ex, the kids’ mom, died.

The kids weren’t happy about living with Emma and less so about Emma trying to step into a motherly role for them. They know how she felt about their mom and with her gone the loyalty pull was stronger and the dislike for Emma more intense.

My brother and Emma’s wedding day was a shitshow and the kids protested the whole way through which my brother was aware of but he said they’d been okay with Emma before (as in before he dated her) so they were just protesting him being with anyone who wasn’t their mom.

Emma is jealous of the kids mom. She’s jealous the kids still love her. She still hates their mom for reasons I don’t know. The kids know she hates their mom and they use it to taunt her. They tell her almost every day, if Emma is to believed, that she’ll never be as good as their mom and they will never love her or accept her because she isn’t good enough.

They compare Emma’s cooking to their moms, they compare the way she decorates, stuff like that. I know they do it. But I also know Emma has kicked up a fuss about the kids keeping their moms things and having them in their bedrooms, as well as having photographs of her.

Which if you ask me anything is likely the reason the kids are so quick to compare the way they do. The household is toxic. Emma’s jealousy of their mom grows and the kids dislike for Emma grows. My brother acts like things are fine and he’s burying his head about the growing issues.

I decided not to ignore it and addressed this with my brother. I told him Emma and the kids are not getting along and her jealousy is going to make his home even more of a living hell than it already is. And I told him I did not think Emma could come back from her jealousy and warned him that she could cost him the kids. He told me he didn’t ask for my opinion and to mind my own business.. AITA?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Sacha_Rae24 −  NTA. It sounds like your brother is a bit in denial, and pretty much knows what’s happening but doesn’t want to deal with it. WIth the kids protesting on his wedding day, regardless of it being because of Emma or him marrying anyone else, he should have built that trust and ensured that the trust got built with Emma, before marrying. The way you describe it, it wasn’t just a little bit of uncomfortableness with their dad moving on.

tinyd71 −  Your brother has his head in the sand about his marriage/family situation. That said, unsolicited advice, particularly about someone’s marriage, is often not well received. You might have considered asking your brother if he wanted to hear your concerns/opinions, or gently opening up a conversation where you might be able to share these. You were well-meaning, but you handled this clumsily.. NTA.

MattIdea8482 −  NTA but just be prepared in a few years when he gonna claim “when/where did he messed up” because he seems he cant take accountability …lol. The kids gonna leave that house the moment they turn 18 ……either he stays with Emma or not . they saw he chooses Emma before them and thats NOT something you can forget. ( maybe forgive …..but not gonna be enough for the kids to want have a good relationship with him ).

floridaeng −  NTA – I don’t think I’d believe anything Emma says without some confirmation from the kids. I also wouldn’t put it past her to go into the kids rooms and destroy those photos of their mother, and maybe also throw out or damage their mother’s things. Consider offering the kids to get copies made of the photos that you keep so they are not lost. You might even offer to let them store some of their mother’s things with you.

DaScAlFi76 −  No your not the AH; all you can do is offer your perception and give suggestions/advice. The hard part is that you also have to accept his decision on how to proceed. Every one can squeeze a lesson, something to learn, out of any situation.Based on the information given, it sounds like your brother didnt think of anything but what he wanted when he chose gettin involved with E.

There had to be signs from his kids tellin him they didnt like this woman steppin into the role of mother; these things cant be forced otherwise the outcome will be a toxic household and sooner or later something will give and the situation will be over. He should have weighed what he wanted with the reality of the situation and how things would honestly turn out for everyone immediately involved. fools rush in.

Firm-Molasses-4913 −  NTA. If you can’t address your concerns with your family there’s no hope for any of us. Now the thing is you must not raise this issue again. He knows your concerns and how you feel. You may have planted a seed or just hardened his resolve to ignore the family dynamic. Time will tell. Try to be there for his kids. But also encourage them to focus on other parts of their lives, school, hobbies, friends. It’s so destructive and unhealthy for them to be so focused on riling her up. 

mistyskipper −  Honestly, you’re just looking out for him and the kids. Emma’s jealousy sounds intense, and it’s affecting everyone. I get why you’d feel like he needs to face it, even if he didn’t ask.

SunniRutt38 −  NTA. Someone’s gotta say it—this whole situation is one big drama waiting to blow. Emma’s jealousy is like pouring gasoline on a fire, and those kids aren’t backing down anytime soon. If your brother doesn’t step up and handle this, he’s gonna end up with a family divided, not just a messy house.

esmerelofchaos −  The price is yikes! NTA, and your brother is the guy who will be asking “why won’t my adult children speak to me?!” But try to be there for the kids if you’re able. They’re clearly miserable and need support from someone who understands that it’s ok they loved their mom

Apart-Scene-9059 −  Info: So what is your advice on what your brother should do? Because all you did was state the obvious but offer 0 support on how he can fix the situation.