AITA for shaming my ‘alpha-male’ boyfriend about his job
A Redditor shared on the AmItheA**hole subreddit how her frustration with her boyfriend’s “alpha-male” mindset boiled over during an argument. The boyfriend, who dropped out of university to pursue a drop shipping business, often belittles others with traditional jobs or lower incomes.
After he mocked an elderly worker at her waitressing job, the OP snapped, pointing out that the woman was a millionaire and had accomplished more than he might with his business. This left the boyfriend in tears, accusing her of shaming him. Now, the OP wonders if she crossed a line.
‘ AITA for shaming my ‘alpha-male’ boyfriend about his job’
Around a year ago I (19F) moved to the US for university. In my first week there I met my now (21M) boyfriend. However, 6 months ago he dropped out to start a drop shipping business, (he was a sociology major for context).
I tried to persuade him to stay in school for a backup plan but he explained to me that the drop shipping market is huge and he’ll make more money than he would if he got his degree. A while ago I got a waitressing job at a very popular food chain.
if I said the name it’s likely a lot of people would know it (and for context, my work is the first location in the chain). I won’t lie, I make minimum wage, but decent with the tipping. My boyfriends business actually makes decent money (around $3000-$4000 per month).
This sounds good but he has a terrible attitude and thinks everyone still in school, has a job paying less than him or doesn’t own their own business is inferior, he also considers himself an ‘alpha-male’ and continuously watches business lessons on YouTube shorts.
Yesterday, we got into a fight, it all started when I got home from work and was going to tell him about how we got a surprise visit from a worker at our restaurant and was and how we got along so well. The first thing he said was “how old is she?, what’s her salary? hah, must be $7.50 an hour.”
I told him that she was around my grandmothers age and he started berating her for still working at her age and how she still doesn’t have enough money to retire.
I was getting really irritated at him and decided to tell him the rest of my story about her “her and her husband founded the chain, they’re probably multi-millionaires, they’ve earned more than you will probably ever make with your ‘business’.” I definitely said more but I can’t remember what exactly.
I think he started crying because he stopping talking and locked himself in the bathroom, the last thing he said to me was “can you actually stop shaming me, my job pays for our rent.”
I feel so horrible about what I said but I just thought he needed to understand that making fun of peoples jobs is terrible, I also understand that I do live with him and his job definitely lets us live more comfortably that the average people our age.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA Do you really want to be involved in a long-term relationship with someone who feels the need to put everyone else down in order to feel good about himself? He’s already turning that attitude on you, since you make less money than him, and it’s only going to get worse.
If you want a happy partnership, look for a man who is capable of respecting other people and regarding them with kindness.
NTA – you’re leaning what kind of person he is. The kind who looks down on everyone who doesn’t want what he wants out of life. Plus any guy who thinks he’s “alpha male” is a walking red flag. Doubt you’re compatible as you seem to be open to people and the world. Where as he’s just shitting on it to make himself look better.
NTA. Your boyfriend sounds like a judgemental and insufferable AH.
So let’s get this straight. He shames people because he thinks he’s a successful alpha male, you shame him because he’s a pretentious d**ck, and then he shames you because his business is paying the rent. Huh. Lots of shaming going around. NTA. Someone who disses other people shouldn’t be that sensitive. Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it.
NTA. However, any male that describes himself as an “alpha” is very likely an AH. The belittling people is only going to get worse as he goes on.
Isn’t drop shipping basically just buying something and reselling it but sending it straight from the supplier to your customer. For example a furniture store is selling stuff at £200. You rebrand it and sell it for like £350 and then order it directly from the furniture store to your buyer. Sounds like one of those jobs that’s a bit scummy.
Very minimal effort. You don’t even need a warehouse as it gets send from the supplier. Your boyfriend sounds like a d**ck acting like he’s some business mogul for reselling stuff for more money.
The guys strutting around like a f**cking god who clearly thinks you should be grateful for how well his business is doing and belittling others not in that position. If his business doesn’t work out he’ll be in a weaker position than someone with a degree.
I think it’s fair game to put him in his place even if the way you did it was reactive and insulting. NTA.
Someone who cries and locks himself in the bathroom over being shamed is not alpha male material
Oh, sweet child. First off, NTA. Second, any man that says he is an “alpha male” is 100% certainly NOT. Secondly, the true measure of someone is how they treat those who have less. While I believe the older woman probably has millions, your BF did not know that and was very condescending.
Who wants to be around anyone like that. In my entire life, the richest people I have known have NEVER looked it. Get rid of this dead weight. He is not good for you
NTA. Struts around like a peacock berating any and all beneath him, then blubs like a child who’s shat its pants when challenged? What an absolute roaster. Run. —Actually, no – no need to run, just walk away, laughing 😂
What do you think? Was OP justified in calling him out, or did she take things too far?