AITA for setting boundaries and not letting a homeless girl I just met a few weeks ago sleep at my house, who I have been letting shower, giving her clothes, money, and food?

A Redditor shared their experience helping a homeless girl they met just weeks ago by providing food, clothes, and other essentials. However, when the girl, now without a place to stay, asked to sleep at their house,.

The Redditor set boundaries, fearing the risks of inviting someone they barely knew into their home. Was this a reasonable boundary or an unfair decision? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for setting boundaries and not letting a homeless girl I just met a few weeks ago sleep at my house, who I have been letting shower, giving her clothes, money, and food?’

I just met this 22 year old girl about a month ago when she happened to pass by my house while I was chilling on my porch and needed help with a change of pants because it was her time of the month, if you catch my drift.

Over the past few weeks, I have let her shower, I’ve bought/made her dinner, given her $20 for food, given her clothes, a coat, a backpack, an iPhone charger, and a set of headphones. She’s come over to my house sometimes unannounced to hang out and use my wifi and chat.

Unfortunately, she recently got kicked out of the shelter she was staying in for getting into a fight with another girl, so she is homeless. She met some random guy (who sells drugs) on the street and has been staying with him for the past week, but was unable to go to his place tonight.

I didn’t let her stay at my house because I don’t know her very well and I don’t trust her, especially because no one else will take her in, including friends and family. It’s going to be cold tonight and she will spend it in an abandoned house. I feel like an a**hole. Am I the a**hole???

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

UnhappyAct3563 −  As someone who used to be homeless (sleeping in abandoned houses, no clothes, no phone, no money etc)- you are **NTA**. What you’ve already done is incredibly generous. If she explicitly asked to stay at your house, I’d be a little wary moving forward. Keep those boundaries.

You are right to not trust her fully, especially if no family or friends take her in. It’s very possible she is on drugs. If that were the case, she still deserves help and housing, but you’re not responsible for that. If you live in a decent-enough sized city there are probably a fair amount of resources for her.

Its not always an easy process, but its possible. In my experience of homelessness, I was strung out, so drugs came before the time and effort it took to utilize those resources. Of course she may just be down on her luck, running from an a**sive situation, or facing other mental health struggles. Regardless, you’re still **NTA.**

I’ll conclude by saying that when I was homeless I was not always very appreciative of such acts of kindness (because I was on drugs and in a constant state of extreme self-pity) but I remember such acts today (several years sober and w/ stable housing) and I’m incredibly grateful.

You’ve already done far more than the average person does (treating her as a human rather than a feral animal). Keep your boundaries and if you see her again and she asks to stay- point her to some local resources/shelters/outreach centers.

Sure_Health_1568 −  NTA. I do social work for a living. I work with the unhoused population. One of my participants has been getting arrested for crimes relating to poverty since 1986. Multiple arrests a year for being homeless and having mental health issues.

I adore her and do whatever I can to support her when she’s wanting support but that’s about all I can do. She’s been blacklisted from every shelter and program in the city for being mean as s**t to people. And she’s f**king mean to everyone but me and one coworker.

And I think she only likes us cause we buy her cigs and wings and just hangout and help her get an ID or deposit her social security check. Every time she declines help with housing I feel like a monster. All I want is to help her get housing but she has a lifetime of believing that the help isn’t gonna really help.

And I don’t blame her for believing that or behaving in a way that is baffling to me. I keep trying to make my case and connect with her but there’s only so much I can do.

Most of participants in my sub program have such high degrees of trauma and n**lect that I really don’t know how healthy a relationship they will ever be able to have outside of someone like me. But goddamit I’m gonna try my best still.

You are NTA. And I applaud you for helping someone who never gets a chance to be human be human. You are a wonderful person. Don’t light yourself on fire to keep her warm but do try and remain compassionate.

Also just be honest with her about your boundaries and the reasoning. Sugarcoating is the enemy. If someone can navigate homelessness and remain a person that person is f**king SMART on some level and you shouldn’t try and coddle them.

Juts acknowledge and verbalize the elephant in the room in the most compassionate way you can and the impact that you will have will ASTOUND you.

beached_not_broken −  She’s involved with a d**g dealer, is getting kicked out of places and is making bad choices. You don’t want her casing your place…

Another_common_body −  NTA. You were generous enough to give her many necessity. And you are right about not trusting her. If you do not know her, you can’t trust her in your home.

Its unfortunate that she has to sleep in an abandoned house for a night but as you said you could have at least had a friend to let stay one night. Maybe she does not have have family or her family is a**sive but she could have at least a friend?

Its alright to feel guilty but your safety is your priority. “Unfortunately, she recently got kicked out of the shelter she was staying in for getting into a fight with another girl, so she is homeless.” There is this part where she fought another girl. Was she the guilty one in the fight? She could also be violent as well.

Narrow_Library1632 −  Be careful. My mom & brother helped out a homeless girl briefly. Then she came on to my brother, he turned her down and she reported him for rape. He had never been alone with her so thankfully nothing came of it.

squatting_your_attic −  NTA. You can feel sad for her, but you have to protect yourself first. If she got kicked out of a shelter for violence, you know she’s not someone you want to live with.

samxstone −  It’s so kind of you to already go above and beyond to help her. I understand feeling guilty, but you need to prioritize yourself. Please be aware of squatter rights in your state.

Apart_Shoulder6089 −  nta. you don’t really know her and shes a survivor. shes doing what she needs to survive. Helping out occasionally but you need to cut it at some point.

cressidacole −  You’re not an a**hole.. You have been kind and generous. She needs to be encouraged to seek out help through official support services.

Opening-Worker-3075 −  NTA. It is your house. You let stay whomever you choose. You don’t owe her anything. In fact, you have already been more generous than almost everyone else in the world to her. Setting boundaries is always a good idea. I would be very careful moving forward with her.

Do you think the Redditor was right to prioritize personal safety by setting boundaries, or should they have made an exception given the girl’s circumstances? How would you handle such a situation? Share your thoughts and perspectives below!