AITA for sending my son to school in a dress

A Redditor shared a situation where their son, who has a twin sister, chose to wear a dress to school. In a rush to get them out the door, the Redditor didn’t stop him. However, the son faced bullying at school, which upset both parents. Now, the Redditor is questioning if their decision was wrong. Read the original story below to see how the situation unfolded and the reactions from both parents.

‘ AITA for sending my son to school in a dress’

My son started second grade last week. I get the kids ready for school while my wife sleeps (she’s got a graveyard shift). He’s got a twin sister. I told them both it was time to get ready for school and his twin sister pulled a bunch of dresses out of her closet. My son picked one up and said “I want to wear this.”

I’m thinking, whatever dude, we’re running late just put some kind of clothes on and let’s get out the door. I’m pretty politically neutral so while I wouldn’t say I was particularly happy he wanted to wear a dress, it also wasn’t nearly as upsetting to me as the idea that I could be late for work if we didn’t get out the door.

I figured ok, I wouldn’t ever tell my daughter not to do something because it wasn’t ladylike so I shouldn’t tell my son not to do something because it isn’t manly. I drop him off and get to work. Three hours later we get a call to come pick up our son because his outfit is distracting to the other kids and he’s being bullied.

He was very sad when my wife got there and the whole morning had been upsetting for him. My wife is irate asking how I couldn’t have realized that was inappropriate and I was setting our son up to fail. So is just about everyone else I’ve run this by.

My wife thinks damage has been permanently done because he’ll be in the same school system as these kids the rest of his life and he’ll be known as “the one who wore a dress” and I was being thoughtless or willfully ignorant because I was in a rush and our son suffered for it.

At the time, I truly didn’t think it was that big a deal, but that doesn’t change that I put my son in harm’s way so now I’m not sure whether I made the wrong decision or not or how to feel about it. AITA

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

[Reddit User] −  NTA what a refreshing take on parenthood. It seems today so many people are set on telling women they can be anything but men still have to be men and act traditionally manly. You did what your son asked and I think that makes you a pretty great parent. Good on you OP!

CassowaryCrow −  A gentle ESH. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a boy wearing a dress, and neither do you, which is great, but you should have realized that letting him walk into school like that was a recipe for disaster. Most people do not think a guy should wear a dress, and that includes little kids, who can and will be cruel.

Hopefully the other kids will forget about in a month or so, but for now your son is going to face some taunting when he gets to school. Obligatory EDIT: I went to bed and this blew up. I wish I could have responded to some of these posts but the thread got locked. Thank you strangers for the silvers, if only they didn’t come at the price of some kid’s reputation at school.

Desperate_Anonymous −  YTA 100%. Until he’s old enough to understand the potential social ramifications and decide whether he’s up for the challenge, OR until kids stop bullying others over stuff that’s odd to them, you decide to take your kids out of harm’s way and then you do it.

You inadvertently made a social/political statement at your son’s expense. EDIT: many thanks for the silver, kind stranger. It’s quite humbling. Edit 2: thank you all for the silvers and golds, so much.

bossyjudge −  YTA. You didn’t have any type of discussion with your child about what could happen, you just let him because you were busy. That makes you TA.

Dr_thri11 −  YTA, my god second grade is when kids really start to kick the bullying into gear. Like yeah once he gets older you shouldn’t police his clothing, but keep it normal and age appropriate for now.

Ickulus −  YTA. You’re right that it shouldn’t be a big deal as long as he was properly clothed in terms of health/sanitary concerns and he wasn’t wearing like a swastika or something. But unfortunately we live in the real world.

This was such an obvious outcome that it makes you the a**hole for not at least having a discussion with your son and how you support him and his self expression, but others may be mean to him over this and feel it’s inappropriate. Then, if after a discussion he still wants to wear it then ok and he’s ready to ignore bullies.

Call_Me_Clark −  YTA – wanting to teach your kid tolerance and open mindedness is admirable, but you did it in exactly the wrong way. You let him make a stupid decision that subjected him to humiliation that he and his classmates will not soon forget. That’s dumb.

Anyone on the “let boys wear dresses” train has good ideals, but it’s parents jobs to help them navigate the world they live in, not live out fantasies of a better one.

audiofeline −  Why the hell is the school not punishing the little shits who bullied your son? Why should he have to change because they’re ill behaved brats? You should stand your ground on this. Your son wanted to wear a dress, he was expressing himself. The bullying from the other kids will have obviously upset him, but the reaction from his parents is more important.

You should be standing up for him and demanding the school address their students’ behaviour, not arguing with your wife about who’s at fault. Neither of you are, but the school and those brats are. Stand up for your kid now or he’ll internalise it.

If he wants to wear a dress, let him wear a dress. For now I’m going to say ESH, because all the adults in this situation are ignoring the real issue and those brats are n**ty. I hope your son regains his confidence to be proud of who he is

april5115 −  NTA. It frustrates me that your son was singled out as the “problem” instead of the children doing the bullying. The teacher/school/whomever was in charge could have taken a moment to reinforce the idea “if you don’t have anything nice to say…”

Other posters make a good point that in a perfect setting you would have prepared him that sometimes people say rude things. But, overall I appreciated you realizing you should treat him and your daughter the same, and let them express themselves.

MilkyLikeCereal −  YTA dude. You either a) let your son do it because of some “politically neutral” b**lshit or b) because you didn’t want to be late for work. Which either way makes you a s**tty parent. He will be the boy who wore a dress to school for potentially *years* now.

You didn’t specify age but I’m guessing he’s 10 or under. This isn’t a teenager saying dad I think I want to dress like a lady, this is a child making a childish decision. You as an adult should have made a better one. Unfortunately you didn’t and now he will be the one who suffers for it.

Do you think the Redditor’s decision to let their son wear the dress was a mistake, or should they have been more considerate of the potential consequences? How would you approach a situation where your child faces bullying for expressing themselves? Share your thoughts below!