AITA for sending my husband’s clothes in a cab after he asked me to come over?

The poster, a 24-year-old woman, recently diagnosed with the flu, recounts an incident involving her husband, who’s 30. After spending the day with friends, he asked if she’d be coming over, and despite being unwell, she initially agreed. Minutes later, he requested that she bring him clothes so he could stay the night, suggesting she drop off the items and leave if she felt like it.

Already exhausted from her doctor’s visit and faced with a hefty cab fare, she opted to send his clothes in a cab instead of personally delivering them, which upset him. Following a brief apology from him, the FaceTime call that ensued ended awkwardly, with him accusing her of having an attitude.

‘ AITA for sending my husband’s clothes in a cab after he asked me to come over?’

I (24f) and my husband (30m) have been together for 6 years and married for less than 1. We have mutual friends, mostly his friends that became mine. We hang out at each others houses and go out monthly on double/ triple dates.

So, today I had to see doctor because I was having a fever and was diagnosed with a virus causing me to have flu, cough, fever. I also have headaches on and off. My husband left to go to one of his friends (30m) house at about 1pm. I left for the doctors at 3pm and I came home at about 4pm. My husband gave me a call at 8pm asking me if I am coming over to the friends house.

*Context: before he left, he did ask me if I will be going over and I told him “most likely no but least likely yes”.
I took a 4 hour ‘nap’ after eating my medications. And at that moment was feeling better. So I told him yes. Then 4 mins later he called me again asking me if I could bring extra clothes for him so he could sleep over at the friends house.

When I asked, “what about me” his reply was, “you can stay over if you want too or go back home”. I was quite taken aback because first of all I’m sick. Second of all, I have to take a cab to travel all the way to the other side of town, pass him some clothes and hang out with our friends for a few hours before taking another cab back home. Each cab ride costs about $30.

So I told him I would send the clothes over to him in the cab and he can collect it. He called me an a**hole for not coming.
I messaged him telling him “Just so you know, if i was feeling well I wouldn’t have mind that you went to friend’s place and hang out with him or staying over. I’m sick so I didn’t come. I have to respect their family and not get anyone there sick.

I have a virus and it could be infectious. Friend’s parents are old and her mum is already sick, I don’t want her to get more sick because of me putting her at risk” He apologised by saying “No im not angry for you not coming. I was just trying my luck to see if you would come. So sorry for asking you to come.

This won’t happen in the future again”.He FaceTimed me 10 minutes after sending me the apology message to remind me to eat my medicines. After a while of two of us not talking (just awkward silence) I said bye. He told me I had an attitude, I just said ok and cut the line.

*in my defence he wasn’t talking to me and I had nothing to say to him. So what’s the point of the phone call?*
Him calling me an a**hole reminded me of this thread, and I want to know if I actually was in the wrong for not going over?

I think I might have been the a**hole because I could have just gone over to hang out with all of our friends especially since I was feeling better and said I would come (before he told me he was staying over) and also I could have said something in the FaceTime call instead of just saying “ok” and hanging up. It did kinda seem like an a**hole move especially since he apologised.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

blueeyedwolff −  INFO: Do the friends know you are sick? Honestly, going over to someone’s home while you are actively running a fever and have a virus is an AH move.

ThePhilV −  Are you both aliens? Neither of you are interacting with each other the way humans interact. First of all, you have the flu, calm down a little. You’re acting like you’re dying. Secondly, just tell your husband you’re sick, jesus christ. You don’t need to go to the doctor to find out if you feel well enough to go to a party.

You’re a big girl, make that decision for yourself. Third, you’re acting like taking a cab to and from a party is the weirdest thing that anyone in the world has asked you to do, but I assure you that is an entirely normal sequence of events.

Fourth, when your husband called to find out if you were coming…it was because you said you might be coming. Your husband calling you an. a**hole for not coming then saying that he was just “testing his luck” is also weird as f**k.. ESH. You guys sound awful

eta: I’m not responding to any more comments lol, so many people have put words in my mouth or made up scenarios that have nothing to do with what OP said, or totally blown s**t out of proportion that it’s just getting insane.

Competitive_Ask_9179 −  The part I don’t get is you told your husband you were going to come. Then he called and asked for a change of cloths. Then you got mad and all of a sudden didn’t want to go because you were sick.

Saint_Blaise −  ESH. You in particular are an a**hole for even contemplating visiting people while having those symptoms. You’re also an a**hole for the third paragraph:

I was quite taken aback because first of all I’m sick. Second of all, I have to take a cab to travel all the way to the other side of town, pass him some clothes and hang out with our friends for a few hours before taking another cab back home. Each cab ride costs about $30.

Why were you taken aback because he wanted to spend the night there? Why complain about the practicalities when you had just agreed to go?

SneakySneakySquirrel −  YTA. You apparently had no concern about spreading your flu to all of your friends, the host’s immunocompromised mom, and a cab driver.

You needed a bunch of internet strangers to point out to you that going out with a virus is a bad idea. Did you live under a rock during the pandemic? Even if “don’t spread your germs” wasn’t common knowledge in 2019, it definitely is now.

And while your husband isn’t very considerate and that sucks, just tell him what you want! Use your words! “I’d prefer if you came home tonight because I’m sick.” Instead you just sit there in silence on the phone? Ideally he would have offered to come home and take care of you without you asking, but you’re also sending very mixed messages about how sick you actually are.

If you were feeling up to a night out, he probably assumed you would be ok on your own. Anyway. Don’t like him much. But you’re more of an a**hole on account of being a walking disease vector with very little common sense.

Dashqu −  Im coming over!. Can you bring me some clothes?. Now im not coming over any more!. YTA
You were sick, so dont go visit other people. If you dont want your hubs to sleep over because youre sick, then tell him that.

777ErinWilson −  What in the hell? Sick? but come hang out. OP “ok”. HUH?

signaltonoises −  ESH. The immaturity is staggering, and the way you and your husband communicate is incredibly unhealthy. You and your husband should absolutely NOT be hanging out with people when you’re actively sick. 

It’s not wrong to refuse to bring him clothes when you’re sick, but this whole process of changing your mind about coming is. You’re sick, therefore it should’ve always been a no (and it should’ve been for your husband as well because he might be infected, too). You absolutely DID have an attitude on the phone, but he still shouldn’t call you names. Hence, everyone sucks here. 

dicky72 −  You sound like 15 year olds.

prevknamy −  “I’ll pay for a cab to come over even though I’m sick. It’s ok to get other people sick so long as I’m feeling ok”. “Ok, bring my clothes?”

“What?! I’m sick! I don’t want to pay for a cab to hang out even though I said I would! I’ll send your clothes in the cab. Paying the cab fare to transport me was ok at first, then suddenly not ok. But it’s ok to pay the fare to send clothes.

And now I’ve decided it’s not ok to be sick around other people and I’m upset you don’t know this even though I told you the exact opposite earlier”

He calls to be nice to you, both were silent but you blame him for not talking. You also have an attitude about how he’s trying to handle the problem that you, your poor decisions, and poor communication caused. Yeah. Huge YTA.