Aita for sending my half sibling’s mom a recording of what they thought of me and getting them in trouble

A 15-year-old shared a painful story involving their two older half-siblings, who have despised them for years due to the circumstances of their birth. The twins blame the teen for their parents’ divorce and often make hateful, racist, and transphobic remarks.

After overhearing a disturbing conversation where the twins fantasized about the teen’s suicide attempt, the teen recorded the conversation and sent it to their half-siblings’ mom. This led to severe punishments for the twins, but now the teen is feeling guilty for the fallout. Were they right to expose the hurtful comments, or did they take things too far? Read the full story below.

‘ Aita for sending my half sibling’s mom a recording of what they thought of me and getting them in trouble’

So this post is going to need a lot of context. I’m going to put it all here for ease. I (15NB) have two half-siblings (17F twins). We share the same dad. My dad cheated on their mom with mine. And it wasn’t until I was 4-5 that she found out and divorced our dad over it (understandably- I’m not an i**ot, and I’m well aware my existence probably ruined her life).

My sisters hate me because of this. They blame me for their parent’s divorce, because according to their mom, had it ‘just been an affair’ she would’ve stayed with their dad, and they could have gotten over it in therapy or whatever.

But because I was born, their mom had a permanent reminder of how s**tty our dad is, and that is all my “s**t of a mother” and I’s fault. This year, it was our dad’s turn for custody on Christmas (they alternate years). That’s why they’re staying with us. Since we only have three bedrooms, the twins share a room.

The walls in our house are pretty thin, so you can hear just about everything. My sisters absolutely hate me. Our parents have tried therapy (even their mother has tried taking them). It never works.

Most of our ‘relationship’ is I stay locked in my room ignoring them when they visit, because if I don’t, I’ll usually end up in a screaming match with them. Especially when I was younger, they tended to get violent. So for everyone’s sake I try to stay out of their way because god knows they won’t stay out of mine.

Like I said in the beginning, our walls are thin. I can hear basically everything since our bedrooms are right next to each other, and they know this. Earlier this week, they were talking (loudly) about me. They started thinking I was asleep because my lights were off, and they didn’t hear me moving at all.

They were upset they had to spend Christmas with my mom’s side of the family instead of our dad’s because my maternal grandmother is suffering through dementia. She isn’t well and my mom wanted to spend Christmas with her since she’s worried we won’t have many left. My sisters blamed me for them not being able to spend Christmas with their family.

Essentially, they were saying things to the effect of how my mom is a gold digger, a s**t, etc etc. They were misgendering and dead naming me, saying how the two of us (me and my mom) are just dirty n-words and blah blah blah. This isn’t new; they’ve said things like this before.

They’ve been punished for it previously, but their mom never enforces the consequences, their punishment essentially disappears because I’ve never had solid proof. Their mom just assumes I’m trying to frame them. I ended up recording it this time because I wasn’t an i**ot for once and actually remembered to use my phone.

For even more context I guess, last year I tried to take my life. I’m not going into any significant amount of detail. Just that I didn’t succeed and I’m in therapy. My mom was the one who found me.

I guess they started getting bolder since they thought I was asleep because they basically went on a tangent on how they wished they were the ones that found me, because they would have let ‘(Deadname) get what they wanted’.

It’s hard to describe how legitimately triggering that was for me considering I am still struggling with self-worth issues. It was like they were f**king fantasizing about it, talking about how without me, even having to split time with their parents would be sooooo much better because they wouldn’t have to ‘make nice’ with ‘the child of Dad’s whore’.

Its hard to explain what I was feeling exactly. I was mad but also just…depressed? That they resented me to that point. I’ll be honest, I may have gotten a bit ahead of myself. In the morning, I ended up sending their mother the recording as well as my parents. Now my half siblings are in huge trouble.

They’ve gotten grounded, got all of their presents taken away, and my dad is debating just giving up his half of custody for my safety (even though I don’t think they’d actually physically hurt me or anything and I’ve told him that). That made them feel genuinely hurt and I feel horrible because now they’re convinced their dad is ‘choosing’ me over them.

Their mom is pissed too. She is forcing them to go to therapy and is also continuing their grounding. Apparently the plan is for this to be a several month long punishment, which I didn’t expect at all.

They won’t have their phones, their electronics aside from what’s needed for homework, and from what I saw and heard a lot of things are being taken away from them. I overheard my parents saying they won’t be allowed to go out with friends or go to any ‘fun’ extracurricular activities and apparently they won’t even be allowed to use their family car.

A lot of the punishments seem really excessive and straight up extreme? I didn’t expect it to go this far. I just wanted them to get punished for once but I wasn’t expecting their mom to go nuclear like this. I don’t know the woman at all and I guess I misjudged her reaction. I feel awful for sending the video now, but my friends say I did the right thing and that I was protecting myself.

ETA: Just to answer a question I saw a lot. My mom doesn’t like driving on highways so my dad had to drive her to her mothers, and he didn’t want to leave his kids alone for Christmas.

My maternal grandparents live a decent amount away (like 1 to 2ish hours with traffic) so he couldn’t just drive her there, drive home, then drive back to pick her up etc. I guess he thought they’d enjoy the food and atmosphere or something.

Their mom wasn’t in town for Christmas and she’d made the plans in advance so she couldn’t take my half-sisters with her (like I said they alternate years and we weren’t planning to spend it with my grandmother until December 3rd when we got the news of her diagnosis).

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Secret_Sister_Sarah −  NTA – These girls have been b**lying you and blaming you for something absolutely and completely out of your control. You did NOT ask to be born; you did not ask your mom to have an affair with their dad.

Resenting your mom would be understandable; resenting their own dad (!) since HE is the one who broke the sanctity of his wedding vows would also be understandable. But calling you the n word, dead naming you, talking about how they wished you weren’t alive within earshot? They deserved to be exposed.

You did the right thing. (And since the bedroom walls are thin, they absolutely knew you could hear them, because they can also hear whatever is going on in your room.) You couldn’t have known how big the punishment would be, but honestly, your dad and their mom are pretty cool for having your back to this extent.

NoSquare164 −  NTA. You have explained it before, this time you had proof. Also, I am not so sure that they did not intend you to hear… Maybe they wanted you to overhear and feel hurt

I think your father and their mother are reacting to their malice and them being bullies, and I am pretty sure their mother does not want their children to fail in life – and  tries to correct them before it is too late

iamnotlacey357 −  NTA those girls are a**sive. These are the consequences of their horrific actions.

Otherwise_Degree_729 −  NTA. Letting anyone pass away instead of helping is a crime let alone something so atrocious and unbelievably cruel. Doing that to your own siblings is just beyond sick. Your parents and their mother are acting according to their psychotic behaviour because they finally saw how much they are screwed in the head.

Content-Plenty-268 −  Let me state up front that I’m probably old enough to be your grandparent (minus dementia). You are NTA, you did the right thing. You are also absolutely right that this punishment is ~~excessive~~ irrelevant to what they did to deserve being punished.

Everything their mom and your dad are doing and saying to them will serve only to fuel their h**red of you without addressing at all why things they’ve said are wrong, and motivating them to become better people. Moreover, their parents’ reaction at least partially explains why they are the way they are.

Denial, denial, denial — then nuclear. This is a common parenting pattern and it’s never helped anyone’s personal growth. None of this is on you. Since you are in therapy, I hope your therapist is effective and trustworthy, because you should be talking to them about this a lot.

As far as your half-sisters hurting you physically, I wouldn’t be so sure. They might not do it openly and overtly, but if you are allergic to anything that they know of, they might use it against you. It’s very easy.

It would actually be safer for you if your dad followed through on his threat to give up his custody and keep you away and safe from them. They sound extremely unbalanced.

EDIT: changed “this punishment is excessive” to “this punishment is irrelevant to what they did to deserve being punished.”

Odd_Knowledge_2146 −  Look, I say to my kids often “actions have consequences”. These twins are 17, and are well old enough to know how to behave better. They behaved, and talked in a completely unacceptable way. They NEED there to be harsh consequences so they don’t treat you or anyone else like it in the future.

It is not your fault that your dad is a scummy c**ater – nor is it your fault you were born. Do not take that on. It is purely on the adults. I will say, these twins will never ever like you, that isn’t improving, stay away from them for your own safety and mental health.

UnPracticed_Pagan −  NTA. Listen, hun, you’re 15. The level of punishment your dad and their mom, aka their parents, are putting on your half siblings in my opinion is not excessive. You have dealt with years of abuse from two girls who have trauma from their parents splitting, and have effectively been using you as their whipping child.

You said your dad would punish them but then it would disappear because their mom didn’t see proof. You gave the proof and basically unveiled whatever lies or misleading evidence your half sisters would put into place to make their dislike of you “not that bad”.

Your parent and their parents are taking accountability for their mistreatment and are trying to get the issue nipped and resolved – does it stop the pain and trauma they’ve given you? No, but it seems like they are taking it seriously before letting these young immature daughters become serious menaces in society.

Do NOT feel guilty. Do NOT feel responsible for the fact your dad and their mom are FINALLY taking the issue SERIOUSLY. They dug this grave of their own. I hope they get the help they need, because yes, it’s really crappy you were born as the affair child.

Your mom and dad do hold blame and could theoretically be a place of resentment for your sisters – but you are INNOCENT. However, a lot of people tend to prey on the weak. They can’t attack their dad or your mom – whether physically or emotionally even if they wanted too because they’d have consequences.

They used you because you were smaller and an easier target – that is not your fault. You stood up for yourself and got proof to show the “mistreatment” wasn’t light. All you did was take the dark away to make it easier for your parents to see. It’s good they are finally starting to see the severity of their choices. I hope you can start to heal more fully after this. (Edit made only for spelling/grammar)

Pink_Cloud90 −  NTA. They got themselves in trouble. Actions have consequences. Even if they’re behind closed doors (at least that’s what they thought).

InternationalToe1625 −  NTA I suspect the reaction on their moms part has more to do with realizing how spoiled the children she raised are. She spent years with no consequences for them this is her Hail Mary to fix what she broke.

Your Dad and Mom are to blame for the original situation but everyone is realizing the lack of favors they did those girls out of their own bitterness. What you did was right, unfortunately there mother is acting to little to late to fix what bitterness blinded her to. 

DaisySam3130 −  Excessive?! Not even close. These girls have been a direct contributor to your struggles and feelings of self worth. They straight up said that they would have let you die. I don’t blame your father’s reaction at all. Heck they would have been grounded for at least a year if they’d been mine kids.

Depending on their attitude, I would have been seriously reconsidering any assistance to college etc. I sincerely respect that the adults have gone nuclear – it’s serious. They know that you should not be having this sort of burden placed on you.

To be honest, they should be baring the burden of consequence and blame, not you. (your parents for their sucky adulterous choices and your sister’s mother for poisoning your sister’s minds) Stop trying to bare the blame for revealing the truth. Feelings are there to inform actions not control them.

At the moment, you seem to be accepting the feeling that you are responsible for their actions – it is a false, lying feeling. You exposed an action that is all. It sounds like you were born into a mess.

Please know that none of this was your fault. Your birth, despite the circumstances, was a gift and you have value in this world. Your life is so full of possibilities and the potential for success and joy – look forward with as much hope as you can – there are good things to come if you allow it.

Was the teen right to send the recording to their half-siblings’ mom, or did they overstep? How do you handle boundaries with toxic family members, especially when emotions run deep? Share your thoughts below!