AITA for secretly entering a cooking contest, placing second, and “embarrassing” my mom by acting like it was an achievement?
A Reddit user shared a heartfelt story about discovering their passion for cooking and secretly entering a local cooking contest, only to face backlash from their family after placing second.
Despite their achievement, their mom felt “embarrassed” and accused them of prioritizing hobbies over academics. Read the full story and decide if their actions were justified below.
‘ AITA for secretly entering a cooking contest, placing second, and “embarrassing” my mom by acting like it was an achievement?’
I (17F) have always been seen as the “disappointment” in my family. My mom is a neurosurgeon, and she’s constantly comparing me to my cousins, who are all excelling academically. I’ve never been great at school—my grades are average, and I struggle with math and science—so I’ve always felt like I can’t measure up to her expectations.
What my family doesn’t know is that I’ve been teaching myself how to cook for the past year. It started as a way to deal with stress, but I grew to love experimenting with recipes and trying new techniques. I’ve been working part-time at a café, and the chef there let me help out in the kitchen during quiet shifts, teaching me a lot
A few weeks ago, he suggested I enter a small local cooking contest. I didn’t expect much, but I ended up winning second place. I hadn’t told my mom because I knew she wouldn’t take it seriously. She’s always said things like “Cooking is just a life skill, not a career,” and I didn’t want to deal with the lectures.
I figured I’d tell her eventually, but I wasn’t in a rush. Yesterday, during parent-teacher conference, my home economics teacher brought it up. She’s a very nice teacher who I feel very close to. I had told her about it and she thought my mom already knew, so she mentioned how impressive it was that I’d placed in the contest.
My mom didn’t say much at the time, but the moment we got in the car, she exploded. She said I was wasting my time on “hobbies” when I should have been focused on school and accused me of deliberately keeping it from her to embarrass her.
She also said I’d made her look bad in front of my teacher for “acting like this was an achievement.” Now my whole family is mad at me. My aunts and uncles are saying I should’ve told my mom so she could “prepare” and that I shouldn’t have entered the contest in the first place.
My dad, who usually stays out of things, said I owe my mom an apology for stressing her out and suggested I quit the café to focus on my grades. I don’t feel like I did anything wrong. I didn’t ask my teacher to bring it up, and cooking makes me happy. But now I’m wondering if I really was selfish for keeping it to myself. AITA?
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
cutegirl321 − **NTA.** First of all, congratulations on placing second in the cooking contest—that’s a huge accomplishment, especially since you’ve been teaching yourself and working hard on your own. You should be proud of yourself!
By Your mom’s I can see she seems more concerned with how your achievements make *her* look than with actually supporting you. Keeping your interests and accomplishments to yourself doesn’t make you selfish; it sounds like you were just trying to avoid exactly this kind of blow-up.
If anything, your teacher did you a favor by highlighting something you should absolutely celebrate. Don’t let your family guilt you into giving up something that brings you joy and makes you proud of yourself.
You’re allowed to pursue what you love, even if it doesn’t fit into their narrow view of “success.” Keep cooking—you clearly have a talent for it!
WatchOutForSneks − This is very sad. Placing second in a cooking competition is an achievement you should be extremely proud of. Your family’s lack of support is shameful. Has your mother never heard of any famous chefs?
I bet Gordon Ramsay is more successful than anyone she knows! Please don’t let them ruin something you enjoy doing. You’re almost an adult. Hang on until you’re old enough to get a place of your own, and then, LIVE HOW YOU WANT!
Square-Minimum-6042 − Cooking is a life skill that can also be an art form. It’s something you and others need and can enjoy daily.
How often do people need brain surgery?
WanderlustWaves3 − Honestly, I don’t think you’re in the wrong here. You’ve been working hard at something you love and found success, which is an achievement no matter what anyone says.
Your mom’s reaction seems harsh, especially since it sounds like you were just protecting yourself from criticism. You didn’t do anything to embarrass her on purpose, and you definitely shouldn’t have to hide your passions. If anything, she should be proud of your dedication and skill!
WaryScientist − NTA – cooking is just a life skill? Pretty sure the food network and every single restauranteur/chef would disagree.
Congrats on 2nd place – that’s huge for anyone, but especially for a 17 year old.
While I am the product of an overachieving family of scientists and can understand (but not agree with) your mom’s desire for you to fall in line, you are allowed to be your own person with your own strengths and passions.
The fact that you didn’t feel like you could trust your mom to tell her of a very admirable achievement speaks volumes about HER, not you.
delulumumu24 − Nta. Your parents don’t treat you as a separate person who has a passion for their own hobbies and dreams. Your mother doesn’t know what she says “cooking is a skill, not a career” EXCUSE ME?
So I am to understand that she has never used catering, e.g. at her wedding or restaurant on an important occasion. Your mom has some kind of superiority complex, the fact that she is a doctor is impressive, it’s a hard profession.
But it doesn’t mean that she can treat other career paths as just anything. There are cooks who have a better career and earnings than her Don’t give up your job, money is always good, if it doesn’t bother you very much with school, it’s not bad.
Malletpropism − What a shame that they’ll never get to taste your cooking. As a former chef and current high school teacher, I say if cooking is your passion, pursue it.
Chemistry, maths, cultural understanding, and artistic presentation are all skills that you will use in a commercial kitchen. Knowing how flavours blend and harmonise, and so much more, are high-level intelligence. Move out, go to culinary school, ignore them.
Upstairs_Scheme_8467 − I think the real issue here is that your mom is upset that this teacher knew something about you that she didn’t – and that this teacher was proud of you. It threatened her as a mother and made her feel a huge loss of control over you in that moment.
So to react to those feelings, she lashed out at you – she took her jealousy of the teacher, her shame at not being the one you share with, her anger at feeling stupid that she didn’t know, her embarrassment of looking like an uninvolved mom – all those things – to avoid her own negative feelings she made you the bad guy.
You deserve better. You accomplished a great thing and I will speak for all of the moms and support group on Reddit and say WE ARE PROUD OF YOU! As you get older you will realize that despite her accomplishments, your mom is a severely emotionally wounded person – emotionally immature and with narcissistic tendencies.
You’ll learn more about that and you’ll figure out what to do with that information. When you do, remember that you are a great person, capable of great things, and deserving of all the love and accolades in the world; you are deserving of all the good things your mom hasn’t been able to give you.. PROUD OF YOU!. Oh, also, NTA.
Rox_xe − For a neurosurgeon your mom is dumb and immature asf, taking the fastest route into having her kid go no contact. You’re not the a**hole at all. Making her look bad?, does she think the world revolves about her and her expectations?
You pursue what you’re passionate about and congratulations, placing second is a great achievement, even if your family is too proud to tell you so.
rjt181 − Nope Not the a**hole! Own that man congrats on placing. You deserve to be recognized also it’s a hobby that can be a career and those are far and few between. Chase it!
Was the Redditor wrong to pursue their passion without informing their mom, or is their family undervaluing their hard work and achievement? How would you balance personal passions with family expectations? Share your thoughts and opinions below!